Denial, Despair, and Desire
by descentofthedoppelganger
Summary: This my version of what happens after the episode Something Blue. Instead of forgetting about the whole thing, what if it brought them closer? Kind of like a remake of season four and five. Read to find out more. Reviews are very much appreciated.
1. Aftermath

So this is like an alternate season four I guess. Riley still is somewhat involved but I wanted to do this thing where Buffy and Spike don't forget about what happened. I have whats going to happen planned out, sort of. I'm trying to stay as in character as possible. I really hope you like this and reviews are really appreciated. The more I get the faster I write. So leave one, tell me what you like, what you don't like, suggestions, anything at all. Hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have Angel or Spike all to myself they belng to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter One: Aftermath

There was a crack of thunder and suddenly Buffy was painfully aware of her surroundings. She was not only in Spike's arms but laying her body across him as they kissed and it took her a minute before she quickly propelled herself from his arms.

"Bloody hell!" Spike yelled as the warmth in his arms disappeared. He had kissed the slayer. Kissed her and been engaged. Oh god. The taste of her was still on his lips and he wanted it to go away. He shook his head and cursed again. Damn Red and her bleedin' spells. It was all her fault. He wiped his mouth desperately trying to erase her taste from his memory.

She could still feel his cool lips on hers. The taste of him still imprinted on her tongue. Memories of the past day came rushing back, flooding with ghost of the feelings she had for Spike. She looked into the faces of her friends and spat out the words threatening to spill out.

"Ew! Spike lips. Lips of Spike." she squealed, putting even more distance between them.

She started to spit on the ground as she tried to burn the memories from her conscious. She had kissed Spike. Not only that but she'd…she'd…oh god. She had sex with Spike!

There eyes met as they both realized this and a look of disgust was mirrored on their faces.

Xander, Willow and Anya looked back and forth between the two as they tried to shake off the memories.

"Hi guys." Willow said shyly, her face plagued by a guilty expression as Buffy, Spike and the rest of her friends gazed at her with expressions of shock mixed with annoyance.

Buffy and Spike continued their stare down both shocked at the memory they were reliving.

"_Spike…" she moaned as he clutched her tight against the length of his body._

"_Oh Buffy, God I love you." he replied as she teased him, tracing her tongue along his lip. His mouth lowered to her neck and he kissed her hungrily as she arched into him._

"What is it?" Willow asked gazing at them as they both were pulled from their reveries.

"Well she just realized she was engaged to Dead boy Jr. over here, that's enough to freak anyone out." Xander replied quickly in explanation. Which Buffy was thankful for, in no way was she going to tell her friends that she…slept with Spike. It was too horrifying to even say out loud.

"Whelp." Was Spike's reply before he swept into the darkness towards Giles' place.

Back at Giles apartment all was normal again, or as normal as it could ever be. Spike was tied up again and Willow had just come into the living room a fresh batch of cookies in her hand.

"Eat a cookie, ease my pain."

Buffy took one off her platter and bit into it as Willow waited for a reaction. She was worried Buffy was still angry with her over the 'recent events'. Aka her spell gone awry causing trouble and turmoil among all her friends that had gotten her noticed by a demon who was 'impressed' by her work, which had been completely accidental. When she'd seen what she'd done she had rushed to the scene to undo what she'd done. Leaving each of her friends reeling and stunned.

"Mmm better?" she asked, keeping her eyes away from the vampire a few feet away. She could feel his eyes on her and she was desperately trying to avoid talking about the dreadful things she'd said while under the influence of magic. She would give anything to be away from him at the moment.

"Well baking lifts about 30% of my guilt, but only 7% of my inner turmoil. Guess it'll just take awhile." Willow replied shrugging.

Spike watched as Red tried to make amends, he turned his head at her statement in annoyance. It was her fault he had kissed the slayer. That they had shagged. God, he couldn't even think about it. He deserved a cookie just as much as anyone else.

"It'll happen." Buffy replied simply, trying to console her best friend. She had no idea how hard it had been for her until recently and she was trying to make up for not noticing.

"Don't I get a cookie?" Spike asked his impatience reaching its limit.

"No." Buffy replied immediately. No cookie for Spike. He kissed her, he shouldn't get a cookie.

"Well I got to have something. I still have _Buffy _taste in my mouth." he said grudgingly as he stared at her.

"You're a pig, Spike."

"Yeah, well at least I'm not the one who wanted _Wind Beneath my Wings _for the first dance." he replied smirking and turning his head so the scooby gang could hear.

Giles, Anya, and Xander turned around in shock.

"Well that was the spell." she replied, a blush creeping into her cheeks before she got up and stole into to the kitchen in embarrassment. Willow took a cookie and shoved it into Spike's mouth before following her. He grunted and began to chew in silence.

"Did I mention about the sorry part?" Willow asked, a guilty smile hanging on her lips.

"We may be into a forgetting spell later. " she paused, before gazing towards the living room . "I loved him. We were betrothed."

Willow struggled to come up with an up side. "Well at least you were getting along." she smiled.

"But we weren't. It wasn't even nice. And the bad boy thing? Over it. Okay I totally get it. I'd be really happy to be in a nice relationship with a decent, reliable…oh my god, Riley thinks I'm engaged." she said suddenly, remembering their encounter in front of the dress shop.

"What?" Willow asked confused at Buffy's sudden outburst.

"Riley! He-he-he saw me. What the hell am I going to say to him?" she asked, panic stricken. She had no idea how she was going to explain this. She'd be lucky if he ever spoke to her again.

"You can tell him to sod off, you found someone else who can give you more then he ever could." Spike suggested slyly from the other room. Chuckling at her rising heart beat.

Willow instantly left Buffy's side before shoving another cookie in his mouth to stifle him. Xander chuckled and gave Willow a thumbs up before turning back to Anya and Giles.

"Whelp." Spike retorted through cookie filled teeth, before chewing again in silence.

Had she said she'd_ loved him? _That statement sent a series of unfamiliar tingles up his spine. And thinking back, he realized he'd loved her too. How strange. And it was the weirdest feeling. But thats what magic did. He sat in silence, reveling in the thought. She had loved him. He started smiling to himself enjoying the sensation before suddenly shaking it off. It was just a spell. He didn't love her. She repulsed him, he wanted to kill her. He was a vampire, she was the slayer.

_N__othing has changed. _He said, laughing at the ridiculous notion, before finishing off his cookie and demanding some blood. _Nothings changed_, he told himself again sternly as he stared at Buffy and listened to her prattle on about what she was going to tell Captain Card board. But while she talked of Riley a strange anger welled in the pit of his stomach, that he didn't understand. He pushed it to the back of his mind and decided it was hunger, before asking for another cookie and sipping at the blood that Buffy held to his mouth.

Buffy's mind flashed to that night and a blush once again spread across her cheeks. _Stupid Spike._ she thought. But she wasn't in Giles living room anymore. She was with Spike and her hands were constricted around him, tracing patterns in the muscle wrapped around his body. She shuddered at the thought, putting his mug down and leaving Giles' place in a hurry. She needed to get away from Spike.

_He was repulsive and soulless and dirty and extremely flexible... _she stopped herself. No. Ew. This was Spike. She was going home now before any more after shocks from the spell set in. _It was just the spell. _she told herself soothingly. This will all be behind her and It will all be better in the morning.


	2. Roommate

Chapter Two. I really hope you guys are lking this so far. Because I love writing it and hearing everything you guys have to say. So please review. THanks for reading and enjoy. See you in chapter three.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have angel or Spike all to myself they belng to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Two: Roommates

"Riley!" Buffy called out across the court yard. It was a beautiful day. The sun beamed down on her and the wind ruffled the stray strands of hair that hung loose from her ponytail. After catching up to him he merely looked at her and shifted his gaze away from her, refusing to make eye contact.

She tugged at his arm to get his attention and stepped in front of him to keep him from walking away.

"About yesterday," she began, hoping her explanation wouldn't sound as dumb to him as it did to her. _Oh yeah Riley, About me getting married. It was just a joke. Haha. Good one right?_ But before she even got a chance to finish, he cut her off.

"Don't worry about it. I hope you and Spike have a very nice life together." he said blankly before removing her hand from his arm and storming off in the opposite direction.

"Riley!" she called out, one last time before huffing in frustration. He didn't even let her finish. She walked to the rest of her classes her mind stuck in a haze of depression. After sitting through lecture after lecture she was ready for some slayage action. Anything to get her mind off of the last two days.

So she when she got back to her room she went straight to her weapons chest and stocked up. Afterwards she told Willow she was going to Giles for some pre-slaying prep time.

"No problem. Actually, I have to take care of something and then I'll probably head over to Giles too. I have some research-y questions. So see you there?" Willow had asked.

"Yeah sure." Buffy replied before setting out into the night air.

Her senses were on high alert. She was just itching for some unsuspecting vampire to let out her frustrations on. But none seemed to be in the area. She sighed in disappointment before knocking on Giles door. A few minutes went by before Giles let her in. She took a seat on one of his bar stools and she was shocked to see Spike walking around unrestrained. Buffy raised an eye brow in silence and Giles caught on quickly.

"Well he can't hurt me and he plainly just wouldn't shut up." Giles explained, putting a hand through his hair. And shaking his head at the vampire who was heating his blood in the microwave.

Buffy nodded. She got that. She fully understood how annoying the blonde vamp could be. She ahd been engaged to him! So she sympathized.

"Slayer." Spike said in mock disinterest as he set up the television and sipped at his blood. He couldn't stay distracted for long.

"Yeah, hey Spike. So?" she said turning to Giles. "Any new beastie I should be on the look out for?" she asked eagerly. She needed some kind of distraction from her disastrous day. She'd messed things up with Riley, she hadn't turned in two homework assignments, and she fell asleep during professor Walsh's lecture today, which didn't go unnoticed. Not exactly the best day ever.

Spike turned to look at her. He always knew she got off on taking out demons. The violence it stirs something up inside and takes over. He smiled to himself. _She acts like it was such a burden but she loves it._ He couldn't help but laugh.

She turned to him as he chuckled and frowned as he glued his eyes to the tv. How childish. What was his deal anyway? Well it was Spike. _So I guess it makes sense. _

After gazing at her for a little bit longer, Spike could tell she had something on her mind. He was curious for a moment before he chided himself. Curious about the slayer and her problems? He shook his head before turning up the tv to try and drown out her voice. But it was no use.

"No nothing out of the ordinary. You should probably take a break from patrolling tonight." Giles suggested noticing the bags under her eyes. He was worried she was carrying too heavy a burden and he wanted to help in any way he could. One night off patrol wouldn't do any harm, if she thought it necessary him, Xander and Anya could give it a go.

"Eh, It is slow. And I am beat." she replied, tossing the idea around, she should probably get back and do those two assignments. _She could always kill something tomorrow, right? _But immediately after thinking it, she shoved the thought away. No, she needed a good fight.

Spike still kept trying to fight the feeling in his chest, concern? He looked at the slayer and could see the weariness there. It was clear on her face. She definitely needed sleep. But why did he care?

"Hey G-man." Xander called out as him and Anya entered the apartment.

"What are you two doing here?" Buffy asked curiously. "Was there a meeting? Should I call Will?" she asked turning to Giles.

"No, No." Giles replied quickly. "It's just that I am having a friend come over and I'm going to need Xander to look after Spike."

"I'm not stayin' with him!" Spike said seriously.

"I have a friend who's coming to town and I'd like us to be _alone_." Giles replied.

"You mean an orgasm friend?" Anya asked openly.

"Ahn." Xander moaned quietly, at her point blank presumption.

"Yes that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said." Giles replied as he took off his glasses and wiped them clean.

Buffy listened and twisted in discomfort at the mental picture. She was glad Giles had someone else. She hadn't seen him in any action since Ms. Calendar, unless you count that time with her mom. Which she didn't care to think about, _at all_. But she didn't even want to go there.

"He's not roaming around. He stays with me, he gets tied up." Xander stated glaring down at Spike. _He hated Spike. If it weren't for Buffy and her whole 'harming a defenseless creature' bit, he would have gladly been the one to stake Spike. But nope. Buffy said no, and Giles had somewhat agreed so Xander reluctantly obliged._

"What about our romantic evening?" Anya asked, displeased. Her and Xander had a whole night planned. He was going to teach her a new game. She would be very disapointed if that didn't happen.

"I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away!" Spike grumbled.

Buffy looked at his expression and chuckled. He caught her eye and began to glare but it just slipped away as they stared at each other. Neither thinking just feeling. Feeling the tension around them and before Buffy could even think about what was happening Willow walked in, interupting their exchange.

Spike kept his gaze on Buffy as she interacted with her friends, not really hearing the words, just seeing her expressions. He couldn't seem to move his eyes away from her. Her golden hair, her emerald eyes. It was as if they were calling to him. And he just couldn't look away.

"Hi guys." she said waving. "Hey Giles do you have that Turkish spell book around anywhere? I was wondering if I could borrow it."

"Um, yes. Right here." He picked up a book off his shelf and handed it to her.

"Thanks." she replied smiling as she quickly flipped through the pages, examining the text. "What's going on here?" she asked looking up from her book, curiously.

"Just looking for a place for Spike while Giles entertains his guest." Buffy explained, as Giles took his glasses off and polished them.

"Why doesn't he just stay with us?" Willow offered.

Spike caught his name and stared in confusion at Willows words. She was offering him to stay with them. In her dorm, with Buffy.

"Yeah that's a good idea." Anya said with excitement. "Then me and Xander can get hot and sweaty without an audience."

Xander just shook his head slapped a hand to his forehead. _Did Anya always have to be so…straight forward? _

"What? No." Buffy replied, horror struck. No way. She didn't want Spike staying in their dorm. That closeto Willow. That close to _her_. She was removed from Giles living room and was back to that place with Spike.

He was thinking the same thing and to say in the least, he wasn't as repulsed as he thought he'd be. He was actually a little eager to be near her. Which was odd. But he figured he'd play around with her anyway.

"Why not? I won't be any trouble." he told her a seductive smile grazing his lips. Her heart sped up as she thought of the things he'd done to her before, before the spell was broken, when they'd had no control. He couldn't help but snicker at her troubled expression as she bit her lip nervously. He watched her do it and was surprised at the reaction his body gave him.

"That's a great idea. It'll only be for a few weeks and Willow can try working that truth spell on him since he'll be in reach." Giles insisted. His eyes pleading with Buffy for this favor.

Buffy sighed in defeat before she got up and grabbed her crossbow.

"I'll be back in an hour to pick him up. Pack up whatever stuff he has. And be ready to leave when I get back." she said to him before storming out into the night. Dusting a vamp or two wouldn't kill her. To hell with sleep. She had too much pent up anger to release.

She stepped out of the shadows in the graveyard and the vampire smiled. He had blonde hair with the whole vampire trademark, yellow eyes and the bumpy forehead.

"Slayer." he said menacingly.

"Do you guys ever come up with a better entrance? I mean, originality would be nice." she quiped before launching into battle. Her heart beat was rising with each step and she could feel the adrenaline shooting through her veins. Every move she made helped her get closer to that high that she got to after a good fight.

After dusting three vamps, one right outside campus and the other two on the way back, she went to Giles. By the time she got back Xander, Anya and Willow had already left leaving her to deal with Spike.

"Okay, ready to go?" she asked irritated. She was beginning to remember why she had planned on staying in. Homework. Riley. Homework. Sleep. All things she wanted and needed. She was finally starting to feel the lack of sleep from the past few days catch up with her and she wanted to hurry up and get back before she had to wake up again.

"Sure am, Slayer." Spike replied as he crossed the threshold. "Bye Rupes. Thanks for your hospitality." he said sarcastically.

"Oh anytime." Giles replied, the same level of sarcasm evident in his clipped british accent.

"Bye Giles." Buffy said as she rolled her eyes at their antics.

Spike let out a small wave before falling into step beside Buffy as they made their way towards campus. On their way neither spoke, too caught up in the thoughts swirling around in their head.

Just as they moved toward her dorm a vamp came out of nowhere and knocked her to the ground with a blow to the head. She had been so tired she hadn't noticed it lurking behind the bushes and it had gotten the best of her.

Spike was so caught up in the girl beside him he hadn't noticed it either. He moved in front of her to give her a chance to get up and figured the punch he was about to deliver would be worth the pain. He drew back and knocked the vampire a clear five feet away, clutching his head for a second before realizing there was no pain.

"No pain." he said looking down at his hand. "I can hurt demons." he smiled as he came to the realization and sprung into action. "That's right, I'm back and I'm a bloody animal!" he yelled, before giving the vampire another jab to the gut. He kept up the fighting until Buffy was back on her feet, and she quickly ran forward and staked it through the heart with ease.

Spike looked down at his hands and a grin spread across his face. _I'm_ _back_. No more defensless Spikey. He looked over at Buffy to see her staring off into the bushes tensed for another vamp attack.

"You alrigh'?" he asked, worry tracing the lines on his face as she turned to face him. He gave her a once over to see if there was any damage only noticing a tiny cut above her brow. He didn't know when he'd suddenly cared so much about the slayer's well being but he felt that he had to help her, like he needed to.

She just stared at him, confused as to his source of concern. Since when did Spike defend her? _Probably just wants to finish me off himself_, she decided. She was also feeling extra sensitive to her surroundings determined to make sure that slip up didn't happen again. She had to be more careful.

"Yeah fine. Um, thanks." she replied awkwardly as she tucked her stake back into her jacket and wiped herself off._ Stupid vampires. Couldn't just disappear in thin air after being killed? Had to get all their dust on her clothes_. Ick.

She sighed before measuring the damage to her new jacket. "This stain is never going to come out." she sighed. Spike just stared at her and smiled. Only Buffy would almost get killed, then get angry about a sweater. She took one more look at Spike and shook her head before setting off towards her dorm again, Spike following quietly at her heels.


	3. Found

So, Chapter three. Hope your liking it. Remember Reviews make me smile alot. (: So please do review, when you get the chance. I'd love some feedback, any ideas or suggestions. Whatever. Doesn't matter. Well thanks for reading. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have angel or Spike all to myself they belng to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Three: Found

They walked quietly under the starlit sky towards Buffy's dorm. Neither speaking after the vamp attack. They were almost back to her place when Spike stopped abrubtly and gasped at his surroundings. Buffy turned around and quirked an eye brow at the vampire's behaviour.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Here." Spike said turning around and looking at the tree a few feet away then to the ground and back again. "This where I escaped from. The initiative."

He got on his knees and looked around one more time before lifting his gaze to Buffy's. His hard eyes filled with conviction.

"Are you sure?" she asked, uncertainty in her voice. Here? On Campus? She didn't think so. He must have got it wrong. But then again the last time she'd seen them was on campus. So was it possible they were right under their noses?

"I'm sure." he replied confidently. "Right here. This is it." And that's when he began tearing at the grass with his bare hands. The soft green strands and brown soil piling in clumps at his side. "They did this to me. Put this soddin' chip in, took everything away! Come on!" he yelled as he looked for the entry way.

"Hey, Hey." she got on her knees next to him. "Get up. We'll figure out more about the commandos tomorrow. I'll tell Giles about this and we'll figure it out." she told him reassuringly, squeezing his arm lightly. What the heck was she doing? He wanted the chip out so he could kill again. So he could kill her. And even though she knew that, she still found what they were doing inhumane. Demons were meant to be killed not harnessed and tested. She knew Spike was the only vampire she'd ever considered an equal. He was just as skilled as she was, which is why neither of them was dead, yet. She wasn't going to kill him unless it was a fair fight.

Spike took a deep breath before looking up into her eyes. He was a bit put off by her kind words and gentle touch. He wasn't expecting that kind of reaction. As soon as recognition registered on his face and she realized what she was doing, Buffy quickly unclasped her fingers from his arm and was back on her feet, crossing her arms like it never happened. "Let's go." she said quietly before turning on her heal and starting towards her dorm again. Something was definitely wrong with her, she was just comforting Spike.

Spike got to his feet and followed silently. He was still slightly stunned by her actions. And he was trying to put two and two together. Why had she been so...nice? And why was he so happy about it?

Buffy reached her door and quickly unlocked it before slipping inside, Spike trailing behind her. She peered around in the darkness trying to see if Willow was there or not. She didn't want to wake her up if she was asleep. So she carefully made her way through the room, using the walls as her guide with Spike watching in amusement.

"Red's not here." he told her guessing the reason why she was stumbling around in the darkness. He couldn't help but chuckle at her. The mighty slayer, so full of grace and power was tripping over self clumsily. He found it quite endearing.

"Oh." she replied before starting towards what she thought was the light switch. He shook his head silently before he told her the switch was in the exact opposite of the room. She sighed and changed direction but not before she tumbled over her backpack and into Spike's chest.

"Ow, Crap." she said sighing.

Spike took her by her arms and gazed at her in the darkness. He could see her silhouette against the pale light illuminating from the waning moon through the open window behind her. Neither of them moved and her arms were still in his firm grip. She could feel his cool skin against the flesh of her arms and she action no move to move away from him. She just stay in his arms.

He could smell her scent and he felt like he was losing himself in her. An unfamiliar feeling spread through his chest as he held her and they were both still. The only sound that could be heard was their intakes of breath, Until they were startled by the door being slammed open and the light flicked on, causing both of them to push away from each other as Willow came through the door.

"Hey Buffy. Hey Spike." Willow said with a wave.

"Hey Will. Where have you been?" Buffy asked teasing.

Willow stared at her best friend and fixed a smile on her face as her occipital lobe came up with a bogus answer. She hated lying to her best friend but she wasn't ready to tell her about Tara yet, so until then she'd have to make up some excuse.

"Oh I was just with Wicca club." she replied nervously fiddling with a loose string on her shirt. Spike stared suspiciously and Buffy just nodded. She knew something was up. "What were you two doing with the light off?" she countered, desperate to get the attention off of herself.

Buffy just scoffed and her eyes flickered to Spike as he shoved his hands in his pockets and moved to the window.

"Oh I-I thought you were in here. Didn't want to wake you." Buffy replied chuckling, avoiding Spike's eyes, easily distracted from willow trying to explain her own actions.

"Oh, well that makes sense." she reasoned, relief coloring her tone. She would tell Buffy soon, just not now. She took her bag and slipped the Turkish spell book inside after removing a text book and some mossy stuff.

"Going somewhere?" Buffy asked confused eyeing Willow as she grab her things. Willow continued to pack her stuff, keeping her eyes straight ahead.

"Yeah, I'm going to the chem lab to practice some of those spells I've been meaning to do. Including the one for Spike." Willow replied. At least that wasn't a complete lie. She was going to practice spells. Just not alone.

"Oh okay. Magic stuff, got it. Should I say have fun?" she asked laughing.

"That works." Willow smiled. "Bye Buff."

"Bye Willow."

Buffy put her hands on her hips and turned to Spike.

"So? Where are we going to put you?" Buffy muttered, looking around until her eyes fell on a chair in the back corner of the room.

"I could always sleep on the bed?" he offered sarcastically. _It would be a hell of a lot more comfortable_.

She took a pillow off her bed and a blanket out of her closet, laying them across the chair.

"Right. Hm, Perfect." she replied as he eyed his designated spot.

"Fine." he grunted before shrugging out of his duster and slipping onto the chair quietly.

"You know it won't be my fault if I'm sore on patrol tomorrow." he told her gruffly.

"Patrol?" she asked stunned. He wanted to patrol?

"Well yeah, I need some way to get a good fight. You know. Vampires Grr. Nasty. Let's annihilate them… for the safety of puppies and Christmas right?" he asked smiling.

She just stared at him and shook her head, it wouldn't hurt to have a pair of extra super strong helping hands with her on patrol. It would make everything a hell of a lot easier. She might even be able to get some sleep.

"Fine. You can patrol with me. Now go to your bed, I have work to do."

"Work?" he asked puzzled.

"Yep. Work." she sighed before dropping her crossbow and stake into the weapons trunk on her closet floor. After putting her weapons down she started rifled through her closet in search of some pajamas.

Spike was in the corner watching silently as she went through her routine. After picking out something to wear she turned around to face Spike and stared at him.

"Spike? Hello." she said, gesturing him to turn around while she changed.

He scoffed before turning to face the opposite wall. Like he cared. As he waited he caught the sight of her in the mirror on the dresser. He couldn't see much. Just the delicate curve of her back as she slipped on her pajamas on and he was mesmerized by the look of her skin. He wondered what it would feel like to touch the skin of her back, to trail his fingers against the fine arc of her shoulder blades, just for a moment.

"Okay. You can turn around." she told him, snapping him out of his reverie. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to get a hold of himself as she padded across the room over to her small wooden desk and sat down.

She pulled out some papers from her backpack and spread them out in front of her, not sure on what she should start first.

"Not going to sleep?" he asked, watching her brow furrow at the contents of those papers and her eye lids droop. She kept her eyes on the paper as she scribbled furiously against the thin pages and flipped through her history text book.

"Nope. Got homework." she replied distracted, biting her lip in frustration. In less then a second he was at her side reading over her shoulder as she did her work. She felt the tingle on the back of her neck as Spike hovered over her, his breath fanning the back of her neck.

"Boxer rebellion, eh?" he asked, watching her face screw up in concentration. She nodded but continued to work and he couldn't help but smile.

"You know if your interested, I could tell you what it was really like sometime." he offered. She took her eyes off her paper and a geniune smile crossed her face.

"That would be nice." she said nodding before getting back to her homework. _She was cute when she was concentrated_. he thought silently. _No._ He scolded himself. What was _happenig to him_? He left her side looked at the chair and decided to sleep on the floor. He set up his blankets and curled up on his makeshift bed, trying to divert his attention from the girl not even a few feet away. _What is wrong with me?_ He asked himself again, shuttering as he searched for an answer.

"Night, Slayer." he said softly. _Too softly_.

"Night Spike." she replied as he fell asleep to the rhythm of her heart beat.

ff towards her dorm again, Spike following quietly at her heels.


	4. Riley

So here's chapter four. Writing this I'm having a feeling this is going to be a really long story. I'm about to go into the episode hush and this story is going to extend into season five. So its going to be long. I'm not going to do every episode just certain ones I want to write about. But the other episodes will have happened though. Oh don't mind the riley fluff for now. There will be some riley but he'll be out and Spike will be in just bare with me. So hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading. Dont forget to review (:

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have angel or Spike all to myself they belng to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Four: Riley

Morning came quickly and before Buffy knew It her alarm went off and it was time to get up and get ready.

Looking at her clock that said seven am she couldn't help but think, Couldn't classes start at like eleven? That would be so much easier and she would probably absorb a lot more during class.

She let out a long yawn before shifting her gaze to Willow's empty bed. _Geez get up early much?_ Buffy thought silently. Willow was the only girl she knew who had ever been excited about school twenty four hours of the day.

Buffy rolled out of bed groggily, putting her hair back and making her bed before she gazed over at Spike in the corner.

His blonde locks were the tiniest bit untidy and his black t-shirt lay rumpled on the floor next to him. His mouth was wide open and he was spread out across the foot of the chair she gave him to sleep in. He looked so uncomfortable. And she felt sort of bad. There was nothing she could do about it right now... but maybe later she could figure something out?

When she picked out an outfit, she grabbed her toiletry bag and her clothes and set off to the showers. When she was done getting dressed Buffy got back to the dorm to find Spike fiddling with their small TV.

She got her stuff together and slipped on her boots before heading out the door.

"Behave." she told him sternly before closing the door behind her and heading off to class.

After a few minutes of messing with it he finally seemed to find what he was looking. Passions. He smiled. Happy he wasn't going to miss his show. He had to have something to do while the Slayer and Willow were gone.

"Hey Spike." Willow said smiling as she came through the door. "Got Blood?" she asked giggling at herself. Spike just rolled his eyes, grabbed a packet and threw it into the microwave without a word.

"Geez Mr. Grumpy Pants. No thank you?" she grumbled as she put the rest of the blood she bought into their mini fridge. Spike rolled his eyes and let out a gruff 'thank you' before retreating to his corner in silence.

"So where were you all night?" Spike asked mischievously as he positioned himself in front of the TV again.

"Uh…butcher shop." she replied nervously, struggling to come up with an answer.

Spike simply raised an eyebrow and a grin spread across his taut lips. "All night huh?"

"Uh, no. I meant chem lab then with some friends from Wicca club." she told him, her lip unconsciously moving to one side as she listened to her horrible cover up.

"If you're trying to hide something, you better get your story straight for when Buffy gets back." he replied laughing.

"Um. Yeah." she said before stealing back out of the dorm room and for her with Buffy.

Professor Walsh's class went by pretty quick for Willow. She noticed Buffy fell asleep not even ten minutes into the lecture. She was tempted to wake her up but decided she deserved a little sleep. She'd give her the notes later.

_Buffy was still in class and Professor Walsh was continuing on with her lecture. _

_"So this is what it is.. talking about communication talking about language... not the same thing. It's about inspiration... Not the idea, but the moment before the idea when its total. When it blossoms in your mind and connects to everything It's about the thoughts and experiences that we don't have a word for. A demonstration. Buffy, Summers, come on down to the front here."_

_Buffy walked down to the front of the classroom and waited for Professor Walsh's instructions._

_"A typical college girl, one assumes." Walsh said to the class, turning to Buffy and giving direction. "Lie down on my desk."_

_"What?" she asked, slightly embarrassed. She did not want to lay down in front of the entire class. It was just weird._

_"You'll be safe." Walsh insists. _

_Buffy decided to do it. It's not like she can't defend herself from anyone. She was curious anyway._

_After laying down, Professor Walsh calls Riley over to give a demonstration._

_Riley puts a hand on Buffy's waist and she smiled._

_"This feels strange." she admitted._

_"If I kiss you the sun will go down." he explains to her._

_He leans down and kisses her when they pull away the class room is dark and empty._

_She gets up and can hear a faint humming nearby. _

_"Do you hear that?"_

_She wanders to the hallway, where there is a little girl chanting a tune._

_"Can't even shout. Can't even cry. The gentlemen are coming by looking in windows knocking on doors. They need to take seven and they might take yours. Can't call to mom can't say a word. You're gonna die screaming but you won't be heard."_

_Riley touches her arm and she turns around to see a horrible face dressed with a suit._

Buffy gasped as the school bell rang and willow gathered her stuff up beside her.

"Man that was an exciting class, hunh?" Willow asked, measuring Buffy's reaction.

"Oh yeah well." she replied distracted.

"And the last twenty minutes was a revelation just laid out everything we need to know for the final I'd hate to have missed that."

They both get up and start leaving.

"Just tell me I didn't snore." Buffy said smiling.

"Very discreet. Minimal drool."

"Oh yeah."

"So you were dreaming?"

"Yeah it was pretty intense." she told her as the memory of the ugly creature came to mind.

They passed Riley and he looked away as he walked in the opposite direction they were going. Buffy sighed. Was she ever going to get him to forgive her?

"So you and Riley aren't exactly talking are you?" Willow asked sheepishly.

"No were not." she answered sadly. "But it's alright. It'll work out. I better get back to the dorm and check on Spike. Have fun at Wicca club."

Willow nodded and smiled and Buffy made her way back to the dorm. She opened the door to find spike sprawled put across her bed a box of wheat-a-bix in his hands.

"Do you have any wheat-a-bix Slayer?" he asked hopeful. He finished up the one box he stole from Giles, and now he was all out.

"Uh, no. Why do you want it anyway?" she wondered aloud. "I thought vamps could only drink blood."

"I like to mix it in with the blood. Gives it texture." he replied thoughtful as he eyed the inside of the empty box.

"Ugh."

Buffy threw her stuff down before heading to the phone. She needed to call Giles about that dream she had. It might be one of those slayer dreams. But who knows. Better to be safe then sorry, right?

She told Giles the entire dream and he promised to look into it so she figured she'd relax for a little bit.

"Hey, I was wondering. Do you know a group by the name 'the gentlemen' by any chance?" she questioned him.

"The gentlemen?" he asked perplexed. "No, don't think so." he told her shrugging.

Buffy sighed before shoving him off her bed.

"Oi. I was sitting there." he muttered.

"Well its _my _bed. So ha." she replied. "What are you watching?" she asked mockingly.

"It's passions. Good show." he told her absently, his eyes stuck to the screen.

"My mom watches this show." she said laughing. Spike really was something else. She sat back and quieted down so Spike could watch his show.

A few minutes later there was a knock at the door and Buffy got up to answer it.

"Riley." she said in surprise. She was shocked to see him at her door. He had been avoiding her ever since she tried to explain the whole thing with Spike.

"Hey Buffy. Look before you say anything I wanted to say I'm sorry for not listening to what you had to say. It's just when I saw you at the dress store…and then you said…"

"Don't worry about it. I understand. You were afraid." she said shrugging and Spike let out a laugh.

"Is there someone in there with you?" he asked, his brow furrowing. He tried to see past her into the room but she blocked his view.

"No. No. Nobody in here but me." she replied smiling.

"Well anyway…I was not afraid." he insisted.

"You were. I could see the fear in your eyes. It was just a joke. I'm really sorry."

"It's fine. I was hoping maybe we could start over."

"I'd like that."

Spike got up to get a good look at the guy. Just to see what kind of taste she had in men. Which couldn't be that good in the first place. She had loved Peaches. Only someone truly insane could love him. Hence Darla and Dru. Ah this must be captain cardboard. The one the slayer was all worked up over. _Doesn't seem like anything special to me. _Spike thought silently as he stared at Riley through the doorway. _Actually seems like a ponce, truthfully._

Just seeing him Spike could tell this was not her type. He was too plain. Too normal. She always liked a little monster in her man.

"Who is th- Hostile 17?" Riley began to ask, before realizing who the blonde man was.

"The names Spike, mate." he replied, smiling at Riley's reaction to him.

"Spike!" Buffy yelled in annoyance. Ugh he had probably just ruined everything. How was she going to explain this one?

"Spike?" Riley asked, disgusted. This was the 'man' she had been engaged to? He was a vampire. Why was he in her room?

"It's not what you think." Buffy reasoned.

"Buffy this guy isn't who you think he is." Riley tried to explain. He had to get her away from him.

"I- I know what he is Riley. Look it's a lot to explain but I know he's a vampire." she whispered.

"And you're engaged to him?" Riley spat.

"No, well yes. It's complicated. Look I'm holding him hostage."

"Oh god. I don't want to hear about-I thought you were different. He's a monster for crying out loud." he yelled at her before turning on his heal and storming away.

"Riley. Wait!" she pleaded as he disappeared at the end of the hall and her dormmates looked on. She sighed before turning around to go back in her room.

"Damn it!" Buffy screamed before slamming the door shut. "Good going Spike. Everything's screwed up, again."

"You don't want Cap'n Cardboard anyway, slayer. Not your style. Besides, he's one of those soldier boys." he told her.

"What?" she asked surprised. She was seriously confused. How could he know that?

"Because they are the only ones that call me hostile 17. It was like my pet name there in the initiative." he replied his anger increasing. "I shoulda rung his neck. Too bad I can't. Soddin' chip!",

"And he knew you were a vampire….Oh god he thought I meant hostage like…Oh god." she said rubbing her temples. This is just great. _Riley thinks I'm involved with Spike…sexually. _Oh man.

_Suddenly Spike's mouth was hard on hers. His hands were lifting up the fabric of her shirt. _She shuddered in desire.

"Cheer up, love. At least it was me."

Her head snapped up and their eyes connected as he sauntered over to her. He had felt that ripple of desire go through her and he couldn't help but want her too. Was he out of his mind?

Just as he was closing in Willow burst into the room rushing over to Buffy and Spike walked back over to the TV, keen to stay out of their way.

"Oh Buffy. What happened?" Willow probed staring down at her friend. "I just saw Riley and he said he just got back from fighting with you."

"Well everything's fine besides the fact that Riley hates me." Buffy replied, putting her head in her hands. Why couldn't she have a normal life for once?


	5. The Gentlemen

Okay so these hush chapters were a little harder to write, But hopefully you'll like them anyway. There's alot of Spike flash backs here so If you like Spike you're going to like this chapter. He's like having an epiphany and reflecting on his past which explains the flashbacks. Like I said there is going to be some Riley but If you stick with this you'll see Spike and Buffy get together. Hope you like it. Remember to review. Thanks for reading. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have Angel or Spike all to myself they belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Five: The Gentlemen

(~*~)

They had gotten back from patrol a few hours ago and Spike couldn't seem to get any sleep. He laid back on his chair and watched as Buffy's chest lifted with each breath she took. He felt this strange need to be close to her. Without thinking he got up from his chair and wandered to her bedside, staring down at her. She looked so peaceful, vulnerable. Not at all like the slayer. Just a girl.

He wondered how she dealt with it all. School. Slaying. Friends. Family. Relationships. It must be so hard for her. He found himself kneeling down and staring into her sweet face. _The face of an angel. _He thought. He took his fingers and lightly brushed them across her cheek. Buffy's eyes fluttered open and she looked at Spike with uncomprehended tenderness as his fingers froze on her cheek.

"Spike?" she asked, her voice still heavy with sleep.

Fear shot through him and he snatched his hand away from her face. Why had he done that? She was going to hit him. He nodded before getting up and starting to back away. But before he could go anywhere, she took his hand and pulled him towards her. She propped herself up and tugged him onto her bed. She put her hand on his and gazed into his eyes. They were quiet for a moment before he grabbed her and caught her lips with his in a chaste but passionate kiss.

She pulled away, putting a hand to her lips. Spike could see the confusion in her eyes, then the desire. Desire for him. And then before he knew it she put her hand firmly on the back of his neck, pulling him in for another kiss.

"I want you." she said between breaths as he kissed her neck.

"God. I love you so much." he replied tangling his fingers through her hair.

She smiled as she entwined her fingers in his hair and clutched at the fabric of his shirt. He moved her body under his, laying her down as he continued to kiss every inch of exposed skin. She arched into him as he started to remove her camisole off of her thin shoulders…

(~*~)

Suddenly Spike was jolted awake and greeted by the entirely quiet and still dorm room, still void of Willow. Where was that girl anyway?

"Oh god. Please no." he pleaded as he stared at her sleeping form. He was in love with the Slayer. He put his head in his hands and kneaded his temples. This couldn't be happening. He looked over at Buffy who had turned over and mumbled something incoherent before sighing and turning to the opposite wall.

How had this happened? How he had gone from William the bloody to this. In love. With the slayer. _Dru would be so disappointed…_then he thought of something. Something he hadn't thought about since he'd left Dru in South America. Something that hadn't occured to him until that very moment. Was that what she'd meant? All those things she said. Had she'd known he'd love the slayer one day? His mind drifted to the night he left.

_It had been a few months later after a break up and another encounter with Angel and the slayer. Damn them. It was their fault he'd lost Dru in the first place. He'd came back better then ever but she still plagued his mind. He'd never known why._

_Him and Dru had settled in a temporary home in South America after their little tiff and things just weren't as they used to be._

_"Dru?" he asked, storming into the room to find her lip locking with a chaos demon. "What the soddin' hell is this?"_

_Her and her company broke apart. She wiped her lip and stared at the ground before her._

_"Dru?" he asked again, hurt hidden behind the anger._

_"Where's your slayer?" she asked tauntingly._

_He scoffed at her._

_"Why can't you kill her?" Drusilla questioned him. She couldn't comprehend why he let her go. Why he chose to help her. The moon was whispering so many things and her face it was everywhere._

_"You're the one who keeps bringing her up! I haven't said a word about the bloody Slayer since we left California. She's on the other side of the planet, Dru!" he replied furious._

_"But you're lying! I can still see her floating all around you, laughing." she replied, just as fierce. "Why? Why won't you push her away?" she pleaded._

_"But I did, pet. I did it for you. You keep punishing me. Carrying on with creatures like this." he told her, sadness slithering into his voice as he eyed the chaos demon watching their exchange._

_"Okay, you guys obviously have a thing going on here." The demon stated, looking between the two._

_"I have to find my pleasures, Spike. You taste like ashes."_

_"And this is my fault now?" Spike asked._

_"I didn't know she was seeing someone. I should take off." the demon mused._

_"I think you should do that." Spike replied. He had too much to deal with, and this was something he hadn't have the time or the patience for. _

_The demon nodded before blowing a kiss to Drusilla and leaving the two lovers to their argument._

_"You can't blame the ghoul, Spike. You're all covered with her. I look at you... all I see is the Slayer."_

_He turned his face from her, trying to control his emotions. He wanted nothing more then to rip the slayers throat out. The pull to her was so strong. He couldn't lose his Dru. She was all he had._

She was right. The slayer hadn't left his mind since he'd left her making googly eyes with Angel. He had tried and tried to push her from his thoughts but she always lingered. Clouding his judgment. Always there. Now he knew why.

Dru had seen it from the beginning. She must have known. Since they left Sunnydale together, it had never been the same.

It was awful and brilliant. Familiar and yet brand new. With Dru it had been completely different. This was foriegn to him and yet brought out a fit of nostalgia he thought he'd buried a long time ago. It took him back to days before Dru, before the confines of the night, to his human days.

And her name came to mind. Cecily.

Suddenly he was swept up in the memories. His old life swimming around him. So close to the woman he had loved so dearly from a far. Before Dru had changed everything.

"_Cecily?" William asks softly. _

"_Oh. Leave me alone." she tells him, trying to keep her distance from him. _

"_Oh they're vulgarians. They're not like you and I." he replies soothingly. She looks at him quiet seriously before taking a deep breath and facing him._

"_You and I? I'm going to ask you a very personal question and I demand an honest answer. Do you understand?"_

_William nods, waiting to hear the words that are about to leave this raven haired beauty's lovely lips__._

"_You're poetry, It's…they're…not written about me, are they?" she questions cautiously. Silently praying they are not._

"_They're about how I feel." he says to her, avoiding her gaze. He was certain she knew they were about her and he couldn't help but blush._

"_Yes, but are they about me?" she persists, trying to stop whatever feelings he might be harboring before it's too late._

"_Every syllable." he confirms smiling. _

"_Oh god!" she replies horrified._

"_Oh, I know…it's sudden and…please, if they're no good, they're only words but…the feeling behind them…I love you, Cecily." he says, slipping her hand in his._

"_Please stop." she shrieks, snatching her hand from his grip. How could she have attracted such a pitiful man? Was her thought as he looks at her with nothing but love in his eyes._

"_I know I'm a bad poet but I'm a good man and all I ask is that…that you try to see me-" he tries to reason before being cut off._

"_I do see you. That's the problem. You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me." she replies before sweeping from his side to the men across the room. William could only stare in shock before her words finally burned his heart and he got up and stormed past the laughing men into the night. Where he'd met Drusilla for the first time._

Cecily's words echoed in his head.

_Your beneath me._

And they stirred up a swell of resentment. Spike hated the man he'd been. He had always been a fool for love. Another memory assaulted him and he let it take the shape of his surroundings.

_"The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave." Spike told them before turning away to look for the ingredients for the spell he was forcing Willow to perform. It was supposed to help get Dru back, because he was so lost without her._

_"I don't know what you're talking about." Buffy replied. She clearly was in denial. As was Peaches. But what else would he expect from a ponce like him._

_"Oh, yeah. You're just friends." he said scoffing. No matter how hard they try, it will never happen._

_"That's right." Angel confirmed as Spike continues his search._

_Spike dropped the jar in his hand and turned to face the two. They really didn't get it did they?_

_"You're _not_ friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. (points to his temple) Love isn't brains, children, it's blood... (clasps his chest) blood screaming inside you to work its will."_

_Buffy really absorbed his words while Angel seemed to brush them off. Such a poofter. Can't even admit what he's actually feeling for the girl. I feel sorry for her._

_"I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."_

And it was true. He was Love's bitch. He always would be. Nomatter how hard he tried not to be.

He sighed softly before closing his eyes. This was a disaster. Probably worst then he could have ever imagined.

Not even a couple minutes later Buffy's alarm went off and she rolled out of bed groggily. After putting her hair back and fixing her pajamas she gazed over at Spike for a moment. He looked so she sort of felt bad. She promised herself they'd figure something out, but not before she brushed her teeth. She grabbed her tooth brush and set off to the bathroom.

After getting back to the dorm Willow and Spike began to stir. Buffy said hello and Willow said hi back. Before both realized there was no sound coming out. Buffy's hand flew to her throat as she tried to make a sound. Spike started to shake his head and laugh but he noticed he had no voice.

Bollocks. What the bloody hell was going on?

They all got ready and decided to go to Giles. Spike jumped into the sewers intent on meeting them there. He wasn't going to sit around all day and do nothing.

Buffy and Willow took the streets. Everything was crazy. Extremely religious people were quoting revelations from the bible, others crowding in bars and then were those who were so upset they sat and did nothing else but look dejected. They even saw a guy selling message boards. Which they bought two of.

By the time they got to Giles place. Spike was already there along with Xander, Anya and Giles' friend Olivia.

After saying their silent hello's they were down to business. Giles said there was nothing he'd found yet and the news told everyone that sunnydale was going through a laryngitis epidemic.

_People are so gullible these days. _Was the thought on everyone's mind as they listened to the world's explanation_. _They knew the silence had to do with these gentlemen people but they had no idea who they were.

Buffy's marker squeaked against her message board as she wrote.

"Keep Researching. I should been town tonight."

Why? Giles mouthed.

"Chaos. That's why. Everyone's going to be super freaked. So I'll keep an eye on things." she wrote down, before leaving.

Everything was silent as Buffy walked. The gang was back at the house researching while she did her patrol type thing. She was hoping this would get sorted out soon she still had the initiative and Riley to deal with.

She wasn't walking for long when she came upon two men fighting. She started towards them intent on breaking them up when she saw Riley doing it for her.

He pushed the one man away who then tried to pick up a pipe and go back for more but Buffy snapped his wrist and walked towards Riley as he got the other man to walk away. The moment Buffy came into his line of sight he felt stupid about being mad at her and he grabbed her into a hug. _He hadn't let her finish explaining...again, so maybe their was an explanation. _he told himself hopefully.

They parted and pointed in opposite directions. Buffy started to walk away when Riley grabbed her and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. Buffy pulled away with mixed emotions and couldn't help but feel like something was off. Like maybe something was missing? She sighed internally before watching him go and getting back to continue her patrol. She'd have time for the whole Riley situation later.

Back at Giles, Olivia saw the gentlemen and had sketched a face giving the finished product to Giles the next day. Immediately after seeing the drawing Giles grabbed his fairy tale book and called a meeting. He finally knew what they were dealing with.


	6. Hush

Here's Chapter six. There's probably going to be one last chapter dwelling on hush and thats it. Promise. Then we'll move on. The rest will go by a little faster then this I think. This was one was even harder to write then the last chapter. Now I know why Joss had such a hard time. Haha. Well I promise there will be some good Spike/Buffy action, since their patrolling together and what not. But not too much, just enough. Hope your liking the story so far. Please review. Thanks for reading. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have angel or Spike all to myself they belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Six: Hush 

Spike and the rest of the Scooby gang were congregated in an empty classroom on campus. Ready to hear about the Gentlemen. Giles set up the projector and put the pictures he drew up onto the screen with some background music he prepared to go along with it.

Anya sat with pop corn on her lap next to Xander who was focusing very hard. Willow and Buffy sat together their message boards on their laps, ready to be used at any moment. Spike stood behind them all, watching the slide show and snickering at Giles pathetic drawings.

Giles basically outlined what it is the gentlemen did. Which was come into a town, steal everyone's voices, cut seven hearts out of victims who could not scream.

Xander used his message board to ask how they are killed. Buffy tried to explain by making a staking motion above her stomach and Willow and the rest of the gang looked on in confusion and slight queasiness.

Spike just laughed at her embarrassed expression as comprehension dawned on her face. She took out her stake to show them what she meant and the story's continued.

The gentlemen were only killed once by a girl screaming but that was the only known way, so no amount of stabbing will help. Willow pulls out a CD and shakes it around before holding her hands to her ears and making a screaming expression.

Giles clarified that it must be a real human voice. Buffy nodded before asking how can she get her voice back, which is an answer Giles does not have. He puts another slide up that says Buffy will go patrolling and she's offended by how big her hips are drawn. She does hand motions towards her body a pout on her lips and Giles just shook his head and gathered up his material.

Seeing her expression, Spike wants nothing more then to move behind her and whisper in her ear that her body is perfect the way it is. But he knows he can't and not just because the gentlemen have his voice. Spike wrote on his message board that he was going with Buffy and Giles nodded in agreement. She could use the extra muscle. Buffy rolled her eyes as she gathered her stuff and headed out with Spike.

They stopped by the dorm to gear up and then they're back on the streets of sunnydale hunting down these gentlemen. Just when Buffy spotted them, three of these straightjacket bound creatures attacked her and Spike.

Spike was holding his end up but two were attacking Buffy at the same time. Spike took out his demon and Buffy cracked the neck of one and the remaining demon ran away. Spike helped Buffy up off the grass and they both took off after the demon.

They followed the demon to an abandoned house where they found five more of the demons along with an army clad Riley beating them back.

Spike and Buffy jumped into the fight along side each other and they help Riley took out some of the creatures. One got away and Buffy went after it, following it up the stairs.

Looking around she saw the jars that the gentlemen were keeping the hearts in and she noticed they already had five of them.

The demon in question jumped from behind her, knocking her to the floor. Three more demons converged on her as Spike bounded up the stairs, Riley at his heels.

The gentlemen held their knives above Buffy's head and Riley used his large taser gun to stop them. Spike beat off one of the creatures and Buffy silently tried to tell riley to smash the box a few feet away. He didn't understand her so she turned to Spike who then picked up the box and threw it to the floor. She kicked off the last of the straightjacket demons and sat down and screamed at the top of her lungs. Spike dusted himself off and Riley stared at her until the Gentlemen's heads exploded.

_What was going on? How did she move like that? _His mind was flooded with questions.

Spike just shook his head at the dumbfounded Riley and moved to help Buffy up.

"You alrigh'?" he asked, worry tracing the lines on his face.

She had a gash on her head, just above her brow and she was bleeding all over herself. She just stared at him, confused as to his source of concern. _Since when did Spike care?_

"Yeah fine. Um, thanks." she replied as she swiped at the blood trickling down her forehead. Spike was immediately at her side.

Before even thinking about it he threw off his duster and then his shirt, balling it up to gently apply pressure on the wound. Riley watched as Spike wiped away the blood from her head tenderly and Buffy stared at him puzzled. He must have got it wrong in the beginning. She obviously had no idea how much this monster cared about her, but Riley could see it in the way Spike looked at her, touched her.

Spike slipped his duster back on before he relinquished his shirt and she held it to her head.

"Thanks." she said again as she watched Spike back away and Riley move in, but Buffy was quick and headed for the door.

"Um. We'll talk later Riley." she told him, avoiding his eyes. She was starting to get a headache and she really didn't feel like talking about the things they needed to talk about.

"Let's go get you some bandages." Spike insisted as they set off towards her dorm. She was still reeling after Spike's rescue and she wasn't sure of what to make of his actions but she followed willingly.

Spike hovered beside Buffy as she unlocked her room and carefully stepped inside. She flicked the light on to find the room empty. No Willow in sight.

"Come here." he told her as his eyes darted around the room searching for a first aid kit.

"First draw on the left." she pointed towards her desk and he quickly retrieved it and spilled out its contents.

He delicately wiped the cut clean and bandaged it up, never meeting her eyes. She watched him as he cared for her and she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. He must only be doing this so he could have a crack at her later when she's blissfully unaware of her circumstances but immediately after thinking it she was struck with a sudden pang of guilt. All this time she had been revolted by him and thinking the worst of him, he was sort of sweet. When he wanted to be. He definitely wasn't your run of the mill vamp.

"All better." he said simply, his hand lingering on her face longer then necessary. He put the first aid kit away and stood in the middle of the room awkwardly, not knowing what to do with himself. She touched her forehead gently and looked into Spikes eyes.

"Thank you. Really." she told him a genuine smile lighting her face. He smiled back and she was suddenly struck with their aloneness.

"Hm," she said looking towards Willow's bed. "I wonder where Will is. Did she say she was going somewhere when we left?"

"Uh think so, said she was meetin' some friends from the Wicca club or something' not entirely sure."

"Oh okay. Well lets see." she walked over to her closet to pick out some pajamas and he watched her until she turned around to face him, gesturing to turn around.

"Like I care." he scoffed as he turned his back and she changed quickly.

Spike quietly removed his boots and his duster. She turned around to find him shirtless, his jeans hanging dangerously low at his hips. She gave him a once over and he did the same before the both of them turned their gazes away from each other.

"So um, got a pillow or something?" he asked walking towards his piece of carpet.

"You can stay in my bed." she replied. It was the least she could do for him, after he'd been there for her. It was just for one night. No big deal. He looked at her, slightly stunned before he composed himself.

"And where will you sleep?" he asked suddenly. He wasn't about to make her sleep on the floor.

"Well I'll take Willow's bed until she get's back and then I'll find somewhere to sleep." she replied shrugging as she climbed into bed.

"Why don't I just sleep on the floor and you can have your bed?"

"Nah, hey I'll find something. Plus this'll probably be the only night so enjoy it." she chuckled. "I'll see if we can get you some blood to drink tomorrow. Kay?" she asked between yawns. She was really tired, and she was surprised at herself for being so kind to Spike. It was just because she was so put off by his actions tonight, she thought she'd do him a favor. It couldn't hurt right? She closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Spike just watched her sleep for a while before dozing off himself. A few minutes later Willow clumsily stumbled into the room finding Buffy in her bed. She had just gotten back from Tara's and she was worn out. She went to her closet and fished out some pajamas and had just finished putting them on when Buffy woke up and removed herself from Willow's bed.

"Sorry Will. You were out so I stole your bed for a little bit." she whispered sheepishly.

"No it's fine, Buffy." Willow replied, she looked over at Spike and paused. "Where are you going to sleep?" she asked.

"Eh I'll just take the floor." buffy said grudgingly as she dragged a blanket and a pillow.

"Why don't you just lay on your bed? There's plenty of room. You won't even be touching Spike." she encouraged.

"Eh yeah I guess. It's way better then the floor." she said guiltily. She carefully slid under the covers and both girls were quickly lulled to sleep by Spikes even breaths.

When Willow woke up she threw the covers off and sat up quickly. She had to get up early and meet Tara. She yawned and started to get up when she saw something she'd never thought she'd see in a million years.

In Buffy's bed her and Spike were both asleep. Spike had his arms wrapped around her frame and there was a small smile on her lips. Willow let out a chuckle and stared at them. Her eyes suddenly noticed the bright sun beam coming through the window not even an inch from Spike's hand.

She ran to the curtains and shut them quickly, no need for unnecessary burns. She wouldn't wake them. It was Saturday after all. They had all day to sleep. At least like this they weren't arguing.

So she'd let them sleep peacefully for awhile before they woke up, repulsed at each other. Willow got ready and took one more look at the two, before chuckling under her breath and heading out.

She had no idea.


	7. Apocalypse

So here's the next chapter. So as I'm writing this I decided to make it a rewrite of season four and five. Dawn will be included and so will Glory. There's going to be a sequel. Which I'm already working on. It's called Power, Passion, and Pain. Its going to be a rewrite of season six and possibly season seven. I know I said I was going to skip episodes but it doesn't really feel right to not mention the events so there still in there and everything. I really hope you're liking this story as much as I like writing it. Remember the more reviews I get the faster the next chapter gets up. I've got alot of the chapters already written just need the feedback to prove you guys want them. Thanks for reading. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have angel or Spike all to myself they belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Seven: Apocalypse

Spike woke up to a sharp rapping on the door. He opened his eyes to her face inches from his and her body pressed into his. At first he thought he was dreaming but when realized she was really there his first reaction was to hold on to her tighter. He didn't move a muscle in fear of waking her. How had she gotten here? In his arms. The second round of knocking interrupted his musings and Buffy started to wake up. He waited for a second before quickly releasing her from his grip.

"Spike?" she asked confused. Then she remembered that morning when Willow had come in, she'd laid on the bed with Spike and they must have unconsciously snuggled. She jumped out of bed and pushed her hair out of her face.

"I- Sorry." she started, shaking her head and trying to clear her thoughts. Trying to forget how normal it felt being in his arms, even pleasant. "I didn't want to sleep on the floor."

"Yeah, it's um fine." he replied turning over to his pile of clothes and throwing a shirt on.

"Buffy!" Riley called through the door.

She rushed over to the door and let him in while Spike got some blood out of the fridge and laid down on Willow's bed.

"He's still here?" Riley asked bitterly as he got an eyeful of Spike.

"Yes." Buffy said defensively, a scowl falling to her features. "I mean yeah he is." she corrected softening up her tone. Didn't need to add fuel to the fire. It was still Riley.

"I guess we need to talk." he said shrugging.

They both looked at each other and sat on her bed, neither speaking for a while.

"You know someone should talk before we graduate." Buffy told him smiling.

"What are you?" Riley asked in astonishment. Buffy's eyebrows furrowed in distaste. What did he mean 'what are you'? _It's not like I'm some creature. I'm a human being._

"Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You?"

"Sorry that came out a little blunter then I intended. - It's just- you are amazing! Your speed, your strength." he said in admiration.

_What a ponce. _Spike thought. Just look at him. Talking about her slayer abilities instead of her beauty or even her personality, because anything slayer related is obviously what she doesn't want to hear at the moment.

"Also passionate, artistic and inquisitive. Who are you?" she countered as she gazed at Spike and remembered what he'd said about Riley. He was one of the commandos. And last night totally proved it.

"You know who I am. The rest...what I do...I can't tell you." he replied shaking his head. She stood up and sarted to pace.

"Well, then let me. You're part of some military monster squad that captures - demons, vampires, probably have some official sounding euphemisms for them, - like unfriendlies or – non sapiens." she mused.

"Hostile Sub terrestrials." he confirmed.

"So you deliver these – HST's to a bunch of lab coats, who perform experiments on them, which among other things turn some into harmless little bunnies. How am I doing so far?" she asked with a smile.

"A little too well." he admitted. How did she know this? Then his eyes shifted to Spike. He must of told her. No doubt about that.

"Meanwhile by day you pretend to be Riley Finn, corn-fed Iowa boy. Ever been to Iowa, Riley? God, if that's even your name."

"It is, born and raised. And hey! Bulletin: I'm not the only one who's been a little less than honest here. You were engaged to a vampire!" he replied staring daggers at the vamp behind her.

"I'm not engaged to him! It was a spell." she explained. "And he's only here because we needed him for information. I thought a professional demon chaser like yourself would have figured it out by now. - I'm the Slayer." she paused to measure his reaction and was shocked by his lack of. "Slay-er? - Chosen One." she continued trying to stir a reaction. "She who hangs out a lot in cemeteries? - You're kidding. Ask around. Look it up: Slayer comma the."

"A spell? Those are real? " Riley sighed and looked at Spike then Buffy. "Fine. But he should be contained when you're finished with him."

"No. I need him." she said without thinking. Spike caught her eye and he raised an eye brow suggestively. And she stammered to fix her mistake. "I need him to help fight demons. I mean." she added quickly which slightly swiped away Riley's angered expression.

"Oh. So you fight demons. I mean, you wailed on those guys." he replied in amazement.

"You did pretty well yourself." she complimented.

"But I'm a walking bruise today. You see me with my clothes off I look like...I mean...I have – bruises... I barely see a scratch on you." he said gesturing to her.

"You're not looking hard enough." she said shrugging. No need to make him feel bad.

"I'm looking pretty hard." he replied taking a deep breath and looking away.

"So then... What do we do?" he asked.

"I don't know. - I just...I really thought that you were a nice, normal guy."

Spike rolled his eyes. When was she going to realize? A normal guy isn't what she needs or wants. The sooner she figures it out the better. _Cap'n Cardboard here, isn't even close to good enough._

"I am a nice, normal guy." Riley said with a smile. Perfect.

"Maybe by this town's standards but I'm not grading on a curve. " Buffy sighed before continuing. "I think we both need a little time to – process everything. Maybe then..."

"Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a good idea." he stated. He did have alot to think over.

_What a git._ He's so close to having her and he's going to give up like the poofter that he is. Might as well. She needs someone who will have her back nomatter what. Not this guy.

They both looked at each other for a while before Riley turned to leave and as he walked to the door he remembered the initative's protocol.

"Oh, - I don't think I need to tell you..." he started.

"I won't say a word." she replied, sitting on her bed arms crossed.

"Good. It'll be safer for all..." Riley stopped short as the entire room started to shake. Spike fell to the floor while Buffy and Riley ran to the closet. They grabbed onto the door frame as Spike curled up in a ball and held his hands over his head.

After the tremor stopped, Riley was all smiles. Spike got off the floor and stared at Buffy who was shifting her gaze all around the room. He'd never seen the slayer so spooked. Afraid of quakes. Who would have thought.

"Wow. That was some ride. Sorry I'm so excited. This is my first earthquake." Riley gushed.

"It's not mine." she said shakily.

Spike stared at her gauging her reaction. He didn't understand what could have made her so afraid. She looked like a lost girl and he didn't like it.

Riley left and Buffy sat down on her bed as she remembered her death at the hand of the master. She was lost in the memory when Spike sat down next to her on her bed, putting his hand on her shoulder.

She shuddered at the contact, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before facing him.

"Sorry." she said absently. "I just um. I should go see Giles."

She went to get up and grab her jacket when a cool hand pulled her back.

"What is it, love?" he asked gently as she sat back down on the bed. He was truly curious and he wanted to help.

"It's nothing." she told him distracted. "Really."

He tilted his head and pursed his lips at her. "You don't think I'm that stupid do you?" he asked sarcastically.

"I- It's just - last time there was a quake in Sunnydale. The master and an apocalypse and-" she told him, her voice uneasy.

"Your death." he finished sympathetically. He knew what that was like. Sort of.

"Yeah. That." she confirmed, twiddling her thumbs. "I really should go to Giles. There might be something up. Better to be safe then Sorry." she said shrugging.

"Anything I can do?" he asked sincerely.

"Not right now." She replied getting up and grabbing her jacket and keys.

"It's going to be alright, Slayer." he said firmly. It was. He wouldn't let anyone hurt her.

She nodded as she put her hand on the doorknob to leave and it swung open, revealing Willow.

"Hey! I was in the library during the quake, almost got buried under some 19th century literature. And I don't have to tell you how hard it is to dig through some of that stuff. You okay?" Willow asked surveying the room as she came in.

"Yeah. A couple of broken knick-knacks, but no biggies." she assured her.

"Well, Porter dorm is completely blacked out. So naturally they are dealing with the crisis the only way they know how: 'Aftershock Party'." Willow told her laughing.

"Ah, this from the dorm that brought us the 'Somebody Sneezed' party and the 'Day That Ends in Y' party." she explained to Spike who was watching their banter.

"Now they obviously know how to party." Spike interjected.

"They do seem to be pretty generous with the milestones. Hey, you should ask Riley to come! Much carousing by flattering candle light." Willow offered.

"Ah, Riley is – ahm, busy. I'm pretty sure. But you know, you go on ahead, and I'll catch up with you there. I'm on my way for a little Giles one-on-one."

"Anything wrong?" Willow asked frowning.

"Wrong? No, mm-mm, not at all." she replied meeting eyes with Spike and leaving for Giles' place.

"Something horrible is going to happen, Giles." Buffy ranted as she paced back and forth in his living room.

"It was an earthquake, Buffy. A not uncommon occurrence in southern California. No reason to think it was anything more." Giles reasoned. She was getting too worked up.

"Oh, I so have a reason. A darn good reason. The last time we had an earthquake, I died." Buffy countered her eyes going wide at the memory. She did not want that to happen again.

"Yes, I know that - and - therefore I completely understand your anxiety."

"Oh, good. Because I'd hate for my little untimely horrible death concern to be ambiguous." She said sarcastically.

"But unless evidence suggests otherwise, I think that we can assume that it's shifting landmasses and not a portent of some imminent doom." giles picked up a map of sunnydale showered with red dots in specific places. "Now in the meantime, I've got a few theories about our mysterious commando friends."

"Oh. - Really?" Buffy asked, biting her lip. She wasn't sure of what to tell Giles yet. She had just found out Riley was a commando, it was going to be sort of hard to explain.

"Now based on the locations of our various sightings, and - Spike's reluctant description of their underground installation..."

"What if the quake was a sign? Ah, a bad omen and we just ignore it? There is going to be a lot of red faces when the world comes to an end." Buffy interupted, distracting him and expressing her anxiety at the same time.

"Buffy, - if the quake heralds some such catastrophe, I'm sure there will be other signs to follow, which will afford us plenty of time to avert it. Now, - I believe that the commando installation is either very close to, or directly underneath your school, now if that is the case I'm convinced that one or more of them may be in your very midst." Giles told her pointing to an area on the map clustered with the most small red dots.

"Plague!" Buffy exclaimed.

"What?" Giles asked in confused irritation.

"What if the end of the world is coming in the form of a plague? Then too many people may be infected by the time we actually..." Buffy rambled.

"Buffy! Will you stop worrying about what may be and concentrate on what is! Vigilance is all very good, but as we are getting close the is a much more pressing question." Giles said seriously, discontinuing her constant interuptions.

After her discussion with Giles she got a call from Willow who asked Buffy to come back to campus because there was an emergency. Buffy got back to campus as fast as she could and found the police outside Porter dorm. She found Willow on the steps of the dorm's entrance and rushed to her side. Willow said she was fine and told Buffy about the dead guy she found and the symbol that was carved on his chest.

"Alright. You go to Giles and I'll meet you there. I'm going to go pick up Spike. We might need him." she told Willow before setting off to her room.

Buffy barged into her room to find Spike in nothing but a towel holding up his shrunken shirt.

"I shrunk them. Bleeding shirt, trousers. I got nothing to wear." he told her sadly.

Buffy stared at him for a moment and the little voice in her head began to talk.

_Who needs clothes? _It asked. _Oh god. No. Not now. _She thought silently.

"Well I'll- I'll call Xander. Get him to bring you something to wear." she replied, walking over to the phone and avoiding his gaze.

There was the desire again. He could feel it. She wanted him and he was loving it.

She hung up the phone and turned to him, shaking her head. Only Spike would shrink the only clothes he actually owned. He watched her as she went to her closet and pulled out a purple robe.

"Here." she said holding it out for him. "You can wear this."

He moved a little closer to her and her eyes widened at the small space between them.

"Or not." she gulped as he gently pushed her against the wall behind her. Her pupils dilated and Spike leaned his face a few inches from hers. "Just put it on." she told him again before she shoved the bathrobe into his hands and dashed to the other side of the room.

_Get a hold of yourself Buffy!_ She yelled in her head. _Its Spike your talking about. _But even that comment couldn't keep her thoughts at bay. _So what if it was Spike? _her mind countered. Well first off he's evil and a vampire. I couldn't. _It wouldn't be the first time you were with a vampire. _

"Fine." he grumbled as he slipped the robe on and sat down on Willow's bed. He would much rather be kissing her then sitting on willow's bed ina purple bathrobe. Buffy took one look at him and couldn't help but crack a smile at how ridiculous he looked. A few minutes later Xander brought the clothes and Spike changed into them.

"Don't turn around." Spike warned them."Spike, what is it, what happened?" Buffy asked concerned and Xander stared down at her with a bewildered expression.

_Why does she care? _Xander wondered_._

"Don't look at me." Spike told them dramatically. Buffy and Xander turned around and their eyes almost popped out of their heads as they stared at Spike wearing one of Xander's knee-length shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. Both of them bursted into laughter.

"You know I'm not any happier about you wearing my stuff than you are." Xander said between chuckles.

"Let's just go." Spike told them before storming out the door. A breathless Xander and Buffy trailing behind him.


	8. Back to School

So here's chapter eight. I wanted to thank you for all the reviews. I'm soo happy you're liking this story (: I've officially decided this is going to be a lonnng story. It's now a rewrite of season four and five. The sequel will be of six and seven. And you spuffy lovers (like myself) don't worry we're getting there. You'll like this chapter. Major riley rejection and Spike fluff. Please review. I post way fast if you write lots of reviews.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have Angel or Spike all to myself they belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Eight: Back to School

After getting back, Willow and the rest of the gang, including Spike, were helping to research and find exactly what demon they were after and what they're up to.

"I've seen this symbol before. I just- can't remember." Buffy struggled as she tried to recall the memory that seemed to elude her.

"What do we do?" Xander asked. They hadn't dealt with an apocalypse since graduation. He was a little rusty.

"I stop it." Buffy replied. She grabbed her crossbow and went to the door.

"You coming?" she asked Spike.

He nodded before slipping on his duster and leaving with her.

"I was wondering where I would have seen that symbol an then I thought 'Where else? The place I spend most of my waking hours memorizing stuff of the sides of mausoleums, big freaky cereal boxes of death'" she rambled as they came upon a mausoleum, with the same symbol they were looking for, etched on its side.

Spike motioned for her to go in first and he'd ambush him outside. She agreed and carefully padded inside.

"Door was open." Buffy quipped as the demon picked up the small bones he had been digging up.

The demon turned to her and roared. She shot it with her crossbow and then threw it at him hoping to get some kind result. But of course not.

Buffy sighed before moving in and delivering a blow to his face. The fight eventually moved outside and Spike got a few punches in as the demon picked Buffy up and threw her onto a grave marker before taking off. Spike ran to her side to help as the demon made off with the bones. A shadow fell over them and Buffy shot up off the ground and threw a punch at a shocked Riley, who managed to block her punch just in time.

"Wow, that flippy-thing you did..." Riley said admiringly.

"Where did it go?" Buffy asked, her eyes scouring the grave yard. Damn it.

"I saw it take off towards the woods."

"And you didn't follow it?" Buffy asked, anger coloring her tone.

"No weapons, no backup, you don't go after a demon that size by yourself."

"I do. Usually. But I wasn't by myself, this time." she told him as she gazed at Spike who was leaning up against the wall of the maosoleum.

"Yeah, well, I'm no Slayer. Base one, this is lilac one."

"Lilac?" she asked _____incredulously._

"Confirmed sighting of an unidentified Sub-T. Mobilize patrol team for debriefing at 0800 hours. Also hostile 17 has been sighted." Riley said into his walkie-talkie with a grin.

"Bloody hell!" Spike fumed pushing himself off the wall and walking to the slayer's side. "I can't go back." he whispered into her ear. She noticed the twinge of desperation and it made her angry. Angry about what the initiative was doing to Spike.

"Very commandory – lilac not withstanding. What are you doing here and what the hell did you do that for?" she scowled at him.

"I was looking for you, she who hangs out in cemeteries. Also he's a Sub T we have to take him in." Riley replied shrugging.

"I'd like to see you try." she growled stepping in Riley's way. Who did Riley think he was. He couldn't just take Spike away without question.

She wasn't sure who was more surprised. Her, Riley, or Spike.

"What- Your protecting vampires now? Your job is to kill them not keep them as a pets!"

"I have to – get the demon." she told him shaking her head. She was not at all in the mood to argue.

"Don't sweat it. We'll bag it." he replied. "We _need_ to talk."

"It's not that simple." she replied her gaze hard as steel. "And no we don't."

She rolled her eyes before turning her back and walking in the opposite direction Spike tagging alongside her.

"Wait..." Riley shouted, grabbing onto her arm to spin her around.

Buffy winced at his grip and wrenched her arm away. But before she even had the chance to turn around, Riley was on the ground blood dripping from his lip. Spike had punched him square in the jaw knocking him off his feet and down into the dewed grass.

"God, that hurt." Spike complained, clutching his head as a slow grin spread across his face. "But it was worth it."

Riley was back on his feet, seething. Spike tensed and Riley moved in to strike when Buffy got between the two.

"Riley, go." she told him firmly. She had an apocalypse on her hands, lives were at stake, there was no time for this.

"Can't we talk?" Riley pleaded his anger falling away in an instant.

"We can't any of it. - I can't be with you. - It's just a huge, black pit of a mistake." she replied, what was it going to take to get it through his head. She couldn't risk everything, not again.

"I-I don't understand where this is coming from. I know you like me. And it's not like we don't have anything in common."

"But that's not enough." she replied.

"Buffy, I'm thrown by this, I'm confused... - But I can feel my skin humming, my hands, my every inch of me. I've never been this excited about anybody before. I'm not trying to scare you, and I'm not going to force myself on you."

"Sure doesn't seem like it." Spike muttered. Riley ignored him and continued.

"But I'm, by God, not going to walk away because I think it might not work. I don't know what's happened in your past..." he trailed off.

"Pain, - death, - apocalypse. - None of it fun. – Do you know what a Hellmouth is? Do you have a fancy term for it? Because I went to high school on it, for three years. We do not have that much in common. This is a job to you."

Spike faltered at her words. She really had been through a lot. Memories of that year came to mind. Angelus. Drusilla. The truce they'd made. It seemed like such a long time ago.

"It's not just a job." Riley insisted.

"It's an adventure, great. But for me, it's destiny. It is something that I can't change, something that I can't escape. I'm stuck!" she told him grudgingly.

"You don't have to be. You're not in high school anymore. You can change things."

"Riley, no." she told him fiercely.

"I know it may seem..."

"Riley! - My answer is no." She replied before stalking off in the opposite direction. Spike was still too stunned to speak and they walked back to Giles in complete silence. Neither speaking a word of what happened.

"We're back." Buffy called into the apartment, dropping her broken crossbow on her way in. She sighed. She had really liked that cross bow.

"Get the demon?" Willow asked hopeful. Buffy sighed and Spike went and sat on the couch.

"No, he got away."

"What was this thing anyway?" she asked. "Did you find anything?"

"A Vahrall Demon." Spike interrupted.

"A vahrall demon?" Xander questioned. "You're sure."

"Of course I'm bloody sure, you wanker." Spike replied rolling his eyes. "Nasty buggers they are too."

Giles grabbed a book laying in front of him and flipped a few pages until he found what he was looking for.

Willow looked over his shoulder and read the vague description of the demon before her hand flew up to her mouth.

"Ew!" Willow cried.

"I second that revulsion." Xander said in agreement.

"Yes. 'Slick like gold and gird in moonlight, father of portents and brother to blight'." Giles read.

"Limbs with talons, eyes like knives, bane to the blameless, thief of lives." Buffy said reading over Giles _Catchy_.

"So what's it want?" Willow thought aloud.

"This thing isn't digging up the bones of a child for fun." Buffy reasoned. They needed those bones for something specific. They just had to figure out what.

"Well, a demon's got some pretty hilarious ideas about fun." Xander told her, jokingly.

"That is true." Spike chimed in thinking back to all the fun he'd had. Those were the days. He'd heard some even worse stories about some friends of his…

"Bones of a child though. I saw that!" Willow exclaimed before grabbing a book and skimming through a few pages. "An ancient ritual – uses the blood of a man, the bones of a child and – something called the word of Valios? I-It's all part of the sacrifice – the sacrifice of three."

"Let me guess – ends the world." Buffy said sighing. Predictable.

"Well, yeah, - I-it's not big with the details, though. It doesn't say how the world ends or what the ritual entails exactly." Willow replied.

"The sacrifice of three... – Three people are going to die?" Xander asked meeting the eyes of his friends.

"No, they won't. Because claw boy is not getting all of his ingredients. We have to find that third one, the Word of Valios, keep him from getting it." Buffy assured them.

"If he doesn't already have it. I mean, who knows where he's been?" Willow questioned.

"I'll check the magic shop. See if they've heard of a book called the word of Valios. Willow, Xander, how about the book archives at the museum?"

"We'll stop at my place on the way, get some weapons, and I'll change into something that isn't quite as anchovy scented."

"You guys this thing takes wicked very seriously. Be careful. I couldn't stand anybody getting hurt."

Xander nodded before him and Willow headed out the door to his place.

"I'm going to go look around, check and see if the Vahall demon will make an appearance." Buffy said heading towards the door.

"It's Vahrall demon. Well alright. Take Spike with you." Giles insisted as he lost himself in the text in front of him.

Spike hopped off the couch and followed her out. As they were walking Buffy couldn't help but think about earlier. When Spike had sort of defended her. It was sort of sweet and she never did thank him…

"Spike?"

"Yeah, pet?" he asked taking a drag from the cigarette in his mouth.

"I wanted to say…thank you. For you know, defending me. With Riley and everything. Not that I needed you too, but thanks anyway." she told him sincerely.

"Not a problem. I just don't like it when other men touch you." he replied blurting out more truth then he'd intended. Her eye brow raised and he shoved his hands in his pockets. "You know touch you without permission." he added lamely. "and I wasn't defending you."

"You were too!" she said laughing, there he goes with the whole _big bad _act again.

"Alrigh' maybe but I wasn't the only one remember." he replied smiling. Buffy blushed and looked away, so he had noticed.

"Yeah well, if anyone gets to hurt you it's going to be me." she told him chuckling.

He just shook his head and continued to grin. He didn't mind if she hurt him. He could just imagine her hot little body wrapped around his…

"Riley?" Way to ruin the mood. Spike thought "Do you really think its time for donkey kong?" she asked displeased at his distraction when she knew he knew there was a demon on the loose.

"What? Oh. It, ah, takes trace readings of creatures pheromones."

"And?" she asked waiting for an explanation.

"Either its mating season or this things been all across town. You know, Buffy..."

"Actually I need to go. Big bad, needs to be squished. And Spike and I are looking for it." she said as she and spike walked past Riley.

"Right. I'm on it, too. It's just - this thing, this you and me thing, it's Stupid!" he told her as he fell into step with her.

"I know. Which is why we can't do it, the you and me thing."

Spike laughed out loud at her harsh comment. This soldier boy really didn't get it.

"No, I mean you're stupid. I mean... – I don't mean that. – No, I think maybe I do."

Spike furrowed his eye brows and gave Riley a dark look before a growl slipped past his lips. Buffy turned to him and put her hand on his chest, immediately causing him to calm down. She turned back to Riley a look of amusement on her face. Riley definitely had some weird methods when it came to getting girls.

"Wow, with sweet talk like that, you'll definitely melt my reservations." she said sarcastically.

"I'm serious. You have this twisted way of looking at things, this doom and gloom mentality. You keep thinking like that and things will probably turn out just the way you expect." Riley countered.

"You know there is nothing more dangerous than a psych-grad-student." she said to Spike as they continued to walk towards Giles.

"Buffy, where is the bad here? It just turns out – we are even more well matched than we thought we were. I mean, you're a – fry cook – and so am I!" he reasoned. What was with her? She was trying so hard to keep them apart.

"Yeah, but you're an amateur – fry cook and I come form a long line of fry cooks that don't live past 25."

Spike kept his eyes straight ahead as they walked. He was part of the reason her line didn't live past 25.

"Which is exactly the attitude I'm talking about. Look, I know the risks of what we do. I also know it's more rewarding than any other job on the planet – and fun."

"Fun? The last person I know that believed that is in a coma right now because she had so much fun on the job." Buffy's mind flashed to faith.

"I'm not saying that you shouldn't take your work seriously."

"That I should just turn my frown upside down? Is that it? I wish I could. But this isn't the kind of gig where you can just hang it up at the end of the night and snuggle with your honey."

"But why? Why can't it be?"

"Because I've tried it, okay? And every time it just fell apart. And then I get sucked right back in to the Uber-evil." Buffy explained, trying to shake off memories of Angelus.

"Welcome to the story of the world. Things fall apart Buffy. And evil – it comes and _goes_." he said looking towards Spike. "But the way people manage is, they don't do it alone. They pull each other through. If you weren't so self involved you'd see that."

"You have no idea what you're talking about. You barely know me."

"I know that it's not just a job thing. I'm sure that there is some good looking guy that done you wrong in there, too. But mostly I think you want to stay down in that dark place because maybe it's safer down there."

"You are so out of line." she said glaring at him. What gave him the right to assume things about her life, things he couldn't even understand?

"No. See I don't think so. Look, we have an opportunity here, you and me, and the fact that you're to scared to even give it a try.."

"Is my business. So why don't you just leave me alone?" she asked annoyed.

"Fair enough." he replied before looking down at his sensor and walking away.

After they got back to Giles they found him batterd and bloody with Willow wiping his cuts.

"What happened?" Buffy asked as she crouched at his side.

"It's my fault. I should have known." he said, shaking his head.

"Giles..." Buffy trailed off, waiting for an explanation.

"The Word of Valios – is the name of a talisman – not a book. I blame myself entirely. I had it here."

"You had it here? Okay, first I thought you were being to hard on yourself, but..." Xander started.

Willow brought some ice wrapped into a dishtowel and Giles pressed it against his head.

"Oh, thank you. I bought it at a sorcerer's estate sale. I really only glanced at it once. I thought it was a knock off." he said wincing.

"Well, they have it. And they probably have their sacrifices by now, too." Buffy said stumped.

"They're on their way to perform the sacrifice now." Giles told them.

"On their way where? You found out what the ritual is for?" Buffy asked.

"The Hell mouth. They are going to open the Hell mouth. - The one in the library."

They all exchanged looks, wondering what they do next.

"Looks like we're going back to high school." Buffy told them half-heartedly.


	9. Doomed

Geez, it's like everytime I post a new chapter they get longer and longer. Would you rather the chapters longer or shorter? Just wondering what you guys like better. Thank you so much for the reviews. I really appreciate it. And Alot of you said you like the quick reposts well good. Because I'm going to keep doing that until my school starts again. I have plenty of time so why not write, right? Haha. Well thanks again for reading. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have angel or Spike all to myself they belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Nine: Doomed

Buffy and Spike, followed by Xander and Willow carefully made their way through the ruins that were once Sunnydale high. Each of them avoiding the heaps of ruble and other unknown objects that covered the entire area.

"Be careful you guys, the place doesn't look to stable." Buffy told them as she stared at the beams holding up the remnants of the building.

"Okay, when we get to the library keep a look out for victims they're keeping alive for the sacrifice. Getting them out is the first priority."

"Will do." Willow replied nodding.

"Okay – you guys ready?" Buffy asked.

"Lets rock and roll." Xander replied. He sounded much more confident then he actually was.

"Lets rock and roll." Spike mimicked as he pulled at the collar of his shirt. Stupid Xander and his stupid clothes.

"Sunnydale High. These walls – if they were still walls, what stories they could tell." Xander said reminiscing. They continued to walk down the hallway when Xander's foot fell on something squishy. They all turned around and stared at him. "Eew! Mayor meat. Extra crispy." Xander explained before lapping into silence.

"Yeah they sure got memories alrigh'." Spike added, remembering that friday before St. Vigis. That night had been a perfect example of his impatience. Though he wouldn't have changed anything. That was just who he was. He acted on his impulse. Never took a second to think ahead. Angelus was always more of the planner. Always claiming that was the best part. But Spike didn't care too much for the continued torture, just the kill. Which he needed to keep living, well to stay undead that is. Bugger the 'finesse' Angelus was always prattling about.

Buffy couldn't help but think of that same night. Angel had still been on there side, Jenny had been alive, lieing to them yes, but alive. He came in and they had their first fight. They dropped their weapons and when he had almost had her, mom had saved her. And by god was he shocked by that. She remembered his reaction exactly. "Women' he'd growled before taking off into the night. He was the best she'd ever gone up against, even better then Angelus... But she didn't have time for the memories that were assaulting her as she walked through the remnants of her old high school. So she thrusted them away and told herself to zero in on the present. The world was about to end. She needed to focus.

They walked on.

"I think we're near the library." Willow said to them as they came near a somewhat covered opening. "Whoa. Check out the new floor plan."

They all stared down into a hole that lined the library floor, revealing three Vahral demons standing around a fissure in the lower level's floor.

"Three of them." Spike noted as he stared down at them.

"I don't see any sacrifice people." Xander said puzzled.

"They must be around here somewhere. The ritual is not finished. And it's not gonna be."

Buffy jumped down into the hole, followed by Spike, and immediately began attacking the three demons. One of them dropped the bottle with the blood and Xander quickly scurried over to pick it up before any of the other demons could get it.

"The blood! - Get the talisman. They can't do the ritual."

Buffy continued to wail on the three demons with Spike's help. Willow darted into the fray pulling the sack with the children's bones out of one of the demon's hands.

"I've got the bones!" she exclaimed before tossing them to Xander. "Here!"

Xander caught them but threw them back just as he got attacked by one of the Vahrall.

"You've got the wrong man, dude. I've had a lot of practice with my lunch money." Xander told the demon before clocking him in the face.

The demon Spike was battling picked him up and hurtled him across the room, going after Willow and the child's bones.

"Spike!" she yelled in distress as the demon closed in. she looked over to Xander then to Buffy. Who were both locked in battle. Just when she thought it might be over Spike jumped to his feet and grabbed the demon by its shoulders throwing him across the room. It stumbled onto its feet and jumped into the crack in the floor. The ground around them started to rumble. Spike didn't pay it any attention and he quickly ran to Xander's aid but was too late. The demon snatched the bottle from Xander's hand and jumped into the hell mouth. Another tremor shook the earth around them.

"Okay, I guess I won." Xander said uncertain as he stared towards the hell mouth. The earth shook again and something in Xander's mind clicked. "The demons! They are the sacrifice!"

Buffy was momentarily distracted by Xander's realization and was knocked to the ground. Spike ran towards the demon, flinging him into one of the metal beams barely holding up the building. It shook under the demons weight and Buffy finally noticed the state of the building around her.

"Get out of here guys! The building is going to come down!" she yelled to her friends as she kept up the fight. She ducked and turned, spinned and twirled dodging the demon's attacks.

Willow and Xander ran for the exit. Just as Spike started to converge on the last demon again a beam came crashing from the ceiling and knockied him out. Willow and Xander scooped him up from the ground and pulled him through the hole to safety.

The demon hit Buffy hard as she watched her friends bring Spike to safety. She fell into the wall behind her and slid to the ground. She leaped up from the ground and grabbed a wooden beam beside her, attempting to stake the demon but it didn't help. It stood over her about to strike when Riley grabbed it from behind and delivered a few punches.

"Don't let it jump into the hell mouth!" she screamed over the rumbling of the falling ruble.

Riley pulled out his taser gun and tased the demon until it backed away, disoriented. Buffy seized the opportunity and hopped onto its back, wrapping her hands around its neck and twisting until it cracked.

She slid down its back and landed on her feet as the demon fell to the floor. The tremors stopped and the building kept still. Her and Riley climbed out of the hole and walked to where Willow, Xander and Spike were waiting for them.

"Well, hey! Willow – and Xander, right? Jeez, what are the chances, huh? Yeah, I was just passing by when I thought I heard people inside." Riley told them, looking to Buffy for help. Buffy crossed her arms and avoided his eyes.

"Passing by in your GI Joe outfit?" Willow asked, a knowing smile on her lips.

Riley looked down at himself and sighed. _He was so dead_.

"No offence, but you do look wicked conspicuous." Buffy added staring at a dejected Riley and suppressing a smile.

"I do? But it's... – Paintball! Yeah, I was playing paintball. And then the aftershocks..." he tried to explain.

"So you're one of the commando guys, huh?" Xander asked ignoring Riley's lame attempt at a cover up.

"Oh, no, no, no, no. Commando? No, I mean…" Riley noticed Spike and let out another sigh. They knew.

Buffy shook her head before her eyes fell on Spike. He was leaning on the battered wall beside him for support a hand held to his forehead. She unconsciously drifted to his side in an instant.

"You okay?" she asked softly as her friends stared at her in bewilderment while exchanging words with each other.

She moved her fingers to Spike's head and brushed his hand away so she could see the cut. He stared up her, even more surprised then the rest of them, at the gentleness of her touch and the geniune concern in her words.

"Yeah, fine. Just a little cuts and bruises. That's all." he assured her. She looked at him and nodded before walking towards the exit, her friends trailing behind.

"It's kinda weird being back, isn't it?" Xander asked Willow as they both took in their last look of the remains that had once been their high school.

"Yeah. Everything seems so small – and more charred and ruin-y." she told him shrugging before they both followed the others out.

When they got back to the dorm Buffy went straight to the first aid kit, pulling out exactly what she needed.

"Guess it's your turn, huh?" she asked as she set the supplies on the bed beside him.

"Guess so." he replied, nervously.

She sat on the bed next to him as she cleaned his cut. Her eyes fixed on his head. Spike's breath on her neck. She pondered that for a second. Spike's breath. Vampires didn't usually breath, because they didn't have to. She knew that. But Spike, well he was always breathing. He was also always eating, regualr food along with the blood that was mandatory. She wondered if it was out of habit or preference. Spike really wasn't like any vampire she'd ever met before. So she couldn't be sure. He was always surprising her.

She placed the bandage over the cut and set the supplies down on the bed. She gathered them up and placed them back in her desk before she went into her closet. She dropped her jacket and switched it out for another one before heading for the door.

"Going somewhere?" Spike asked as he watched her turn around to face him.

"Giles, to check in. Tell him we made it out and see how he's holding up."

"Well I'll come." he said quickly as he jumped to his feet, grabbing his duster and brushing by her. "Maybe old Rupes will have some scotch." He really hoped so.

"Alright then."

They walked to Giles and Spike asked no questions as he dug into Giles desk for his fancy british scotch. Giles didn't even mind really, he was happy about the averted apocalypse and told them he'd sleep easier knowing they were all alright.

After checking in Xander had left to meet up with Anya and Willow went…well Buffy wasn't sure. She never actually said where she was going. But she knew she had left Giles' place. Probably going back to the dorm or something... Just as Buffy and Spike had began to leave Giles interrupted them as they were stepping through the front door.

"Oh, Buffy." Giles told her before heading up to his room. "Spike can come back and stay with me. Olivia is long gone and I know you'll probably be immensely happy to get rid of him."

"Uh yeah." she said nervously keeping her eyes away from them both. "Immensely. Right."

"Actually I'm not coming back." Spike stated. "I've found myself somewhere to stay."

"Oh?" Giles asked.

"Yeah. Crypt in Rest field. Quite posh really. Lots of room." Spike said casually. "Probably going to pick up my stuff up tonight and head over there."

Buffy bit her lip and pouted. The truth was she didn't want Spike to leave. Spike met her eyes and tilted his head. What was she being so pouty about? Giles was about to interupt with a question that he knew couldn't be avoided. The initiative. They still needed to know more about them.

"And don't worry Rupert. I'll give you your information o those soldier boys. So long as theres something in it for me." he said grinning.

"Then again you've already got an inside man so it doesn't really matter." he said shrugging. Thats right. Riley.

"What?" giles startled. What was Spike talking about?

"Oh well I meant to tell you. It's just with the apocolyptic craziness I didn't get a chance. Well this guy Riley that I know, well he's sort of in the initiative."

"How long have you known? I've been searching for information on them for weeks and you just happen to stumble on someone with all the answers and forget to inform me?" Giles asked angrily. "Did Willow and Xander know and Spike?"

"Uh. I've known since the gentlemen came to town. And yeah they know."

Giles was hurt. She could tell. "Giles I meant to tell you really. We werent trying to keep you out." she said desperately. She hated making him angry.

"No it's fine. I- I understand. You should get going. It's late." Giles replied, pulling off his glasses and wiping them clean.

"See you soon?" Buffy asked as she walked towards the door.

"Quite." Giles replied head down as he ascended the stairs. Buffy sighed before her and Spike left.

Back in the dorm room Spike gathered his stuff and Buffy sat at her desk attempting to do homework.

"Wah." she said in frustration, throwing her pencil down. "This doesn't make sense. It's senseless." Chemistry was just as hard in college at it was in high school. Where was Willow when you needed her? She just couldn't concentrate. She couldn't help but listen to the sounds of Spike's packing. She really didn't want him to go and she was wondering why she cared so much. Spike was Spike. He was a vampire and he was evil. Well sort of. He _was _chipped. And he was different, but he didn't have a soul. He couldn't love. Right? The room went quiet and then suddenly he was there.

"What's wrong, pet?" he whispered against her ear. Her breath caught in her throat and she turned to face him.

"I- uh. I can't concentrate. I think I'm just going to- put this away." she said pushing her papers into a pile at the end of her desk.

His arm extended to the desk and he leaned over her a few inches from her face. Her eyes slid close as she tried to calm herself. _Spike is evil. Not hot or gorgeous. Just evil._

Spike frowned, with her eyes closed he was cut off from her thoughts. That was the only way he could really tell what she was thinking. He remembered the saying people often used 'the eyes are the window to the soul' and in Buffy's case he had to agree. He wanted to place his lips on hers but the problem was one wrong move and he might be dust. She had spared him enough, this could send her over the edge, but he realized he didn't care. It would be worth it.

They slowly drew closer until there lips were barely a centimeter away. He tried to tell himself to stop, who knew how the slayer would react, but he just couldn't. She tried to tell herself how wrong it was, but she just couldn't. Buffy sucked in a ragged breath and licked her lips before he pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

Buffy pulled away quickly after she realized what he'd done and her hand flew to her lips. Spike eyes went wide before he grabbed his bag and bolted to her door. He was not going to stick around and wait for a stake through the heart. Buffy watched him leave still stunned at the way her lips were stinging.

What was that? And why did she like it so much? She sat in her chair staring at her door not sure what she should do. She was half inclined to go chase him in the night, find out what that had meant, maybe even kiss him some more. But she yelled at herself. She was the slayer. She did not get this worked over a vampire. But then she sighed. The problem was she was getting this worked up over a vampire. An incredibly sexy and irresistable vampire. Why did things have to be so complicated. It had been so much easier when her and Spike had hated each other and she had liked Riley.

After much internal discussion she eventually she settled into bed and fell into a restless sleep.

The next two weeks went by fairly quick and somehow Buffy had agreed to a date with Riley for tomorrow. A picnic or something. It seemed pretty lame to her but she figured this is what normal couples do so what the hay. She was also scheduled to meet Riley's boss in the initiative and get the specifics on the program.

She went on patrol at rest field more often then usual, silently hoping she'd run into Spike. He hadn't been around much. Probably renovating his new crypt or something. Either way he was avoiding her and she wondered how long he would keep it up. Strange as it may have seemed, she missed him. She remembered when they kissed and her fingers unconsciously flew up to her lip which tingled at the memory. She shook her head trying to clear her thoughts of him. She shouldn't feel this way. He was a vampire. An evil one at that.

_There was Angel. _Her mind whispered to her, reminding her as it did before.

But Angel had a soul. She countered. There's a difference.

_But you still loved him even as Angelus._

No I didn't. She nearly growled out loud. But she knew that was a lie. She had loved Angel even after he'd turned back to Angelus. Although she couldn't stand his counterpart she still cared about him and wanted him back the way he was no matter what Angelus did.

And yeah sure, maybe tried to kill, more then once. But he was chipped now and he even helped Gils out couple days ago. Ethan Rayne had been back in town and after forgetting to tell Giles about Riley's soldier status he had felt a bit out of the loop. He'd met Ethan for a drink and the next thing she knew Giles was a demon. If Spike hadn't helped Giles get around town then they would have never figured out what happened.

It was pure luck that she'd noticed Giles' eyes and didn't kill him while he was a demon. Riley had helped put Ethan away after Giles was turned back to Giles and Spike barely got away from being recaptured by the initiative. Buffy knows in her heart that if Riley's army biddies had captured Spike she would have went in after him. She may know that she would have but she had no idea why she felt so strongly. She was relieved when Riley had grudgingly told her he'd gotten away. She'd tried the best she could to look angry about it but she couldn't help but be relieved.

Suddenly she became acutely aware of the vampire standing close by. She tightened her grip around the stake in her hand and hopped off the headstone she was sitting on. She could argue with herself later. She searched through the darkness for a moment before her eyes fell on Spike who was holding a paper bag full to the brim with blood packets and smokes.

"Looking for me, love?" he asked flicking his cigarette butt to the grass. He was still uneasy about seeing her but she seemed so distracted and he didn't want her to get hurt because of it. Oh god. _Look at you. _Worrying about the slayer, who you're supposed to want to kill.

Her eyes softened and she tucked her stake back into her jacket.

"Uh no. Just patrolling. The usual." she replied biting her lip. He looked so dangerous under the pale moonlight. Spike just nodded and stood their, watching her. She struggled with what to say next and finally settled on a thank you.

"Um, I wanted to say thanks. You know for helping Giles out with the whole 'being-turned-into-a-demon' thing. It was a close call." she told him gratefully. She had been so close to killing Giles. She just thanks whatever powers that be that helped her notice his eyes. And she was glad Riley was around to deal with Ethan, because she wasn't sure what she could have done with him.

"Yeah." he replied nodding again and avoiding her eyes. She wished he would say more to her. Anything more but he kept silent. He didn't know what to say, he was worried she still might be pissed about the kiss.

"So how's the new place?" she asked awkwardly, staring down at her shoes.

"Fine. Got a second level. Pretty nice if you ask me." he told her shrugging. She was contemplating a reply when she suddenly sensed more vampires approaching and she whipped around to find three about to converge on her.

"Slayer." one of them said menacingly.

"We finally meet." Another added, smiling.

Buffy rolled her eyes and took out her stake. _Here we go_, she said mentally.

"God, you know. You three are pathetic." Spike piped up dropping his bag and standing beside Buffy.

The three vampires were taken aback and stared at Spike in confusion.

"I mean look at you." he pointed towards them. "Teaming up? Not very industrious of you. If you were really so bloody scary you would have done a one on one."

"Look who's talking." One of them said mocking. "William the Bloody, now the lap dog of the slayer. Now thats what I call pathetic, Spike."

"Well yeah you're right," Spike said shrugging. "But atleast I know I'm not going to get staked. I can't say the same for you, mate."

"We'll see." the vampire replied.

Oh this one was cocky was he? Buffy smiled. She loved taking these kind of vamps out.

Spike nodded in acceptance before launching towards the vampire. Buffy stepped into motion and had one staked in a second. The other was a little more experienced and lasted a bit longer. She dusted it and found Spike wrestling with the last one he called for her stake and she tossed it to him. Catching it in mid air he spun around and pounded it into the last ones chest with a smile. Before pulling it out and shoving it through his heart.

"That's for being a bleedin' ponce." he said with a chuckle before fixing his coat as the vampire turned to dust.

"Well I'm going to head home." Buffy said brushing herself off. "I'm pretty beat. See you…?" Buffy trailed off not sure how to finish. When was she going to see him again? Not that she wanted to. Okay thats a lie.

"Tomorrow. For patrol." he confirmed, picking up his bag. He wasn't going to let her patrol alone anymore. As much as she hated to admit it, she could use the help. Plus he's get the added bonus of seeing her everynight. A win, win. "I'm always in the mood for a spot of violence before bedtime."

"Okay." she replied smiling. "Tomorrow then."


	10. The I in Team

Heres Chapter ten. So I want to thank all of you again for all the reviews. I'm so glad everyone's liking the story. This is going to be alot longer then I planned but Im going to stick with it. Plus theres probably going to be a sequel. I'd like to see how many people who want me to so theres a poll on my page on if i should write the sequel or not. So go vote (: I'm trying not to make this too cheesy so everyones going to have to be patient. There will be Spike and Bufy fluff but they won't be getting to gether right away. I want to play this out like if it was actually happening. Not just some qucik thing like they fall in love. The end. So bare with me. Thanks again for reading and remember reviews are _always _appreciated. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Ten: The I in team

The next day Buffy went out on her date with Riley which was less then great. Sure the food was good. And boy did she love food. But something was missing. She wasn't really sure how to explain it. It just didn't feel right. Completely unmixy. She hadn't said a word to him or anyone else about seeing Spike or that she was planning to go patrol with him later on. She wasn't sure what it meant really. Was it okay because it was just patrolling or was it wrong because she wanted to be with Spike and she was putting herself in temptations grasp? She wasn't sure.

So they finished up their meal and Riley packed up before leading Buffy back to his dorm. On the way he prattled all about professor Walsh being his mentor and the leader and how excited he was she was meeting with her.

The initial hello didn't go over too well. She'd met professor Walsh more then once but not under the circumstances. Such circumstances being, she knew all about the initiative, which was bent on keeping the program a government secret. There was a forced politeness coming from Walsh that was unmistakable. Buffy couldn't help but feel a little off. She didn't really have any proof beyond the wiggy feeling she was getting so she discarded the feeling as nervousness and continued to listen to Professor Walsh talk about the rules and regulations. She also got an ID and her own personal pager for initiative business only before she left.

As her and Riley got back to her dorm her mind lingered on Spike. His blonde locks and deep cheek bones. She was lost in thought and the next thing she knew Riley was leaning in for a goodbye kiss. He kissed her lightly at first but as he tried to press for more she retracted her lips and said 'see you later' before rushing into her room.

What was the matter with her? Not even a couple weeks ago she was all about Riley and now she couldn't seem to keep her mind off Spike. She sighed in frustration as she grabbed a stake and set out to Rest field to patrol.

The night ended up being a little crowded and they took out at least six or seven vamps before one of them tore her pants open at the knee, leaving a small cut behind along with some demon guts splattered across her t-shirt. Great. Another ruined shirt thanks to the forces of darkness. She looked down at herself and tried to wipe of the guts but they just stuck to her clothes. She sighed, wondering how she was going to explain this incase she ran into anyone

But instead of explaining Spike insisted she come back to his crypt so he could give her something to wear. Which sounded alot better then walking all the way back to campus covered in demon goo, so she followed him into the his place.

Once inside she noticed the small amount of furniture that cluttered the room. There was a large stone sarcophagus, a small recliner chair paired with a TV and its own stand. _He's gotta watch his Passions. _She thought, chuckling out loud. The room was lined with old faashioned light fixtures that illuminated dim light from the candles burning inside them. It really wasn't too bad. kind of homey. She knew he had said their was another level and that was probably where he spent most of his time. He ducked down into a hole in the floor and emerged with one of his black t-shirts.

"Here. Put this on." he told her, handing it to her and turning away. She tugged off her t-shirt, pulled on the fresh one and smiled. That felt much better. _Less goopy_.

"Kay." she told him before he turned around to face her. Seeing her with his t-shirt on would have made his heart stop if he'd still had it. She stared into his eyes and she wondered why he'd left the night he'd kissed her. She didn't know why he left but she knew that she didn't want him to. She wasn't sure why but she needed him near her. She craved his touch. Which meant it was time to leave before she did something she shouldn't be doing. Like kissing him or even… Stop it! Time to go.

"Thanks for the shirt. I better get going. Got some initiative business to take care of." she said shrugging. She picked up her shirt and rolled it up into a ball. "So um. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow." Spike replied watching her leave. He was a little uneasy about her working with the initiative, but that might just be because of Cap'n Cardboard. No it was that bloody initiative. He sighed before grabbing some blood and flipping the TV on. It was both.

Buffy took off towards Riley's dorm, trying very hard to shove all thoughts of Spike to the back of her mind. And failing miserably.

"Hey Buffy." Riley smiled when he answered the door. He was decked out in army fatigues, weapon in hand.

"Hey." she replied. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah. We are." he replied before eyeing the large plain black t-shirt she was wearing. Very unBuffy like. "Um who's shirt are you wearing?"

"It's a long story." she replied shaking her head. One story she preferred she didn't have to explain, especially since she knew he'd make a big deal.

He noticed she wasn't going to say more and nodded before they all left to meet up with Walsh. Professor Walsh had insisted they do a test run on her. Just to see how well she'd do tracking.

A few hours of tracking and a 28-second military take down and Professor Walsh complimented Buffy on her timing and strength. Buffy was pleased to hear that and Riley reassured her that everyone on base loved her, including all the army soldiers who told her 'good job' and grunted in pain with a smile on their face. She was glad she was fitting in so well.

The next day her and Willow had coffee. She told Buffy about their poker night at Xander's. Buffy thought about it and she really missed hanging out with her lately. The whole gang actually. She'd been so busy with the apocalypse and Riley and the initiative she hasn't had time for them. But that's going to change. They were all planning on going to the bronze later so then their can be some major bonding.

Willow warned Buffy about getting too involved with the initiative but Buffy assured her everything was fine and completely in order. But Willow had got her thinking.

Later that night she showed up to the bronze hoping to spend the night dancing away when her she got a page telling her to get down to the initiative. Willow had brought up some key points about the initiative that Buffy hadn't even thought about. Like what happens after they capture the demons? Are they 'matriculated back into society' or do they just kill them or…what?

She met up with the soldiers and helped take down two demons, who were then brought in for study and what not. Buffy still wasn't completely clear on the details. Hopefully she could get the answers she was looking for.

Buffy couldn't help but feel a little weird about not killing it. She never really kept any of the demons she fought as pets. _E__xcept Spike of course. _She thought absently. _No he was a hostage_. She corrected. Nothing more.

Somewhere near rest field some soldiers caught sight of Spike and decided to take him in. They attempted to sneak up on him but Spike heard them coming. He swung the first guy around and knocked the second over with his bag of groceries. He took off running but was shot in the shoulder as he ran.

_Bloody Hell! If there's a hole in my soddin' jacket those soldier boys are really gonna get it. _Spike ran around town but the commando kept finding him. So he went to the only place he figured he's get help. Giles. He busted through the front door to find Xander and Anya on Giles couch.

"Close the door!" Spike yelled as he dodged the sun beams filtering through the open door.

"Spike? You may want to give up these morning jogs." Xander suggested watching the smoke come off of Spike's leather coat.

"Soldiers boys are out in force. I've been trying to keep them off my scent. Run them in circles. But they keep coming." he told them panicky.

Giles closed the door and Spike threw off his tarp.

"And . . . how is this our concern? Seeing as how you've expressed the desire to have nothing more to do with us." Giles asked smiling. He was loving this situation.

"Spike said that?" Xander asked offended.

"Mhm." Giles replied wiping his mouth of any granola bits.

"That hurts." Xander said with feeling. _Stupid Spike_.

"Alright. What do you want me to say? I need help. And no cheek from you." he said pointing to Giles. Giles just shrugged and pretended to zip his lips closed.

"Look! The buggers shot me. In the back." he told them seriously as he shrugged off his coat.

"Remind me. Why should I help you?" Giles asked leaning against his desk. He was going to milk this for all it was worth.

"Because you do that. You're the goody-good guys. You're the bloody freaking cavalry." Spike said scoffing.

"No, you can come up with a better answer than that. Why should I help you?"

"Oh! Because I helped you! When you turned into that Fyarl demon, I helped you, didn't I?" he asked smug.

"And that was out of the, um, evilness of your heart?" Giles asked waiting for it to click in Spike's head.

"Oh, hell no. I made you pay me-" he grinned before realizing what Giles wanted. "You right bastard."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the cash shoving it into Giles hand.

"That's all that's left. I spent the rest on blood and smokes, which I'll never see again. Ah, come on! Circle the wagons. Tend to the wounded here. No time for layabouts."

Buffy rolled out of bed and looked at the clock. Wow she slept in late. Like late late. _Oh well. I don't do it often. So I guess one days okay right?_

Willow walked in a few minutes later after Buffy had gotten ready for the day.

"Oh, hi." Willow said, seeing Buffy in the room.

"Hey. Out all night?" she asked gesturing towards her made bed.

"Yeah." Willow nodded before walking over to her dresser and placing the crystal Tara had given her there.

"Sorry about bailing on you guys at the Bronze." Buffy said sheepishly.

"That's okay. I…" She stopped and glanced down at the crystal before finishing. She had done the same thing to Tara. She understood where Buffy was coming from. "Don't worry about it."

"Okay." Buffy replied smiling. She was relieved Willow wasn't angry. She had reason to be, she had ditched them to help the initiative. but she was still happy her friend was so forgiving. They were quiet for a minute before Buffy's beeper went off, telling her to get to headquarters.

"Wow, they really keep you hopping, don't they?"

"Yeah. I gotta go. I'll see ya?" Buffy said before clipping the pager to her pants and leaving.

The phone rang a second later and it wound up being Giles. Apparently Spike got shot with a tracer and he needed her to perform a spell to keep the commandos at bay until they could remove it. _I have just the thing. _She thought quietly. She hung up with Giles and grabbed her spell book before leaving for Giles place.

Buffy got to headquarters and was escorted to Professor Walsh who briefed her on the situation.

"We have a reading of a class three sub terrestrial moving through the sewer tunnels just on the edge of town."

"Class three?" Buffy asked curiously.

"It's a low-level threat. Minimal aggression. Meager defenses. They barely show up on the scanner and occasionally turn out to be raccoons."

"Wow. You're not crazy about raccoons, huh?" Buffy quipped.

"We always take precautions. All we need you to do is get a visual on this thing. This will feed me back an image and I can advise you from there. I don't want to put you in any unnecessary danger."

Buffy thought it over. Couldn't hurt. Not like she hasn't gone to kill something by herself before.

"Oh. That's okay. Danger's my birthright."

Not used to such a weapon, Buffy carelessly lets the barrel point towards Walsh, who casually diverts the weapon away with her hand.

"Sorry. Um, Professor Walsh. There's, uh- There's still some stuff about all this that I'm not clear on." Buffy told her. She wanted to know what was going on behind the scenes even if Riley or the other soldiers didn't.

"Well, when you get back we can have a talk."

"Good. Okay. When I get back. Am I supposed to salute you?" Buffy asked seriously, worried she was doing something wrong.

"No."

"Okay." She replied smiling before setting out for the sewers.


	11. Hunted

Here it is, Chapter eleven. I have a feeling this is going to be going on for a while. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Its making me so happy to see people actually like what I'm writing. If you've got time I'm working on a new Spuffy fic so If you're ansty about an update for this story while youre waiting you can go check it out. Thanks again for the feedback. Keep it up. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Eleven: Hunted

"So how's this supposed to work again?" Xander asked as he watched Giles dig through the flesh of Spike's back for the bullet while Willow read the spell beside them.

"If she succeeds the spell will ionize the atmosphere around us thereby disrupting the tracers signal," Giles explained. He took a look at Xander and saw the lack of understanding. "Buys us time."

Xander nodded, that made much more sense then the big sciency words Giles was using. Willow finished the spell and the lights sparked.

"So did it work? Is the atmosphere ionized?" Willow asked as she stared at Giles, Xander and Anya, who's hair was standing straight up, along with her own.

"I venture yes." Giles concluded

Spike lay still on the table completely dazed. Too much alcohol. _Well actually not enough, _he countered. He kept thinking of Buffy and where she was. _God, I might actually have to stake myself if she's with that stupid git Riley. Can't stand him or his soldier boys._

Riley and his unit scoured the streets in search of Spike. Riley was bent on taking him in. He knew Spike had a thing for Buffy and he also knew Buffy was keen on keeping him alive, but Riley didn't care. He needed Spike out of the way if he was going to get any closer to Buffy. And capturing him was the only way to do it.

While Riley was tracking down Spike, Buffy ventured into the sewers alone. Her simple recon had turned into a death match. She was locked in a compartment with two angry demons belonging to professor Walsh and a faulty weapon. Walsh had set her up!

She dropped the communicator/camera and fought the demons off. She managed to get the first demon to swing at the second, killing it on the spot. The other one came after her sending her sprawling onto the floor, she dodged its kicks and punches before she landed a hard blow to its chest sending it flying back into a puddle of sewer water. She noticed her weapon still sparking electricity and she threw it into the puddle, electrocuting the demon until it slumped to the ground.

After Giles took out the tracer from Spike's shoulder, flushed it, causing Riley and his unit to report back to base empty handed. He reluctantly told the Professor about his failed capture.

"Regret to report Hostile 17 is still at large. I left Beta Team to comb the area but the tracer's-"

"Riley, something's happened. I-I don't know what to say. It-it-it's about Buffy." she said interrupting his report.

"Buffy?"

Walsh took a few steps away from the monitors as she faced him.

"Two of our hostiles broke free and escaped into the tunnels. She...went after them on her own. She's dead, Riley." she told him solemnly, hating that she had to be the cause of the pain in is eyes. But it was necessary. And Riley was strong, she knew he would make it.

"What?" he asked in shock. Buffy can't be dead. No. They hadn't even had a chance yet.

"I did everything I could to stop her. I told her to wait for a back-up team, she kept insisting she didn't need any team. She could handle it by herself. I-I'm so, so sorry. Riley stood silent trying to comprehend what he just heard.

"I don't understand." he admitted. This couldn't be happening.

"I know what she meant to you." she replied sadly.

"How could this happen?" he demanded. How could she have...?

"She was a very, very special girl. I didn't understand at first. But she had something. I don't know...maybe I could have stopped her."

Behind Professor Walsh the camera Buffy had on her showed her. She was on her knees and was beyond pissed. Professor Walsh thought she could kill her, just like that? Well won't she be surprised. "It's hard not to blame myself." Walsh continued, unaware of Buffy's presence on the monitors.

"Professor Walsh. That simple little recon you sent me on...wasn't a raccoon." Buffy said her voice steely as she gritted her teeth. Walsh turned around to the monitor and was shocked to see Buffy's face. "Turns out it was me trapped in the sewers with a faulty weapon and two of your pet demons. If you think that's enough to kill me, you really don't know what a Slayer is."

Riley's eyes widened and Walsh was too stunned to speak. How had she gotten out? It wasn't possible.

"Trust me when I say you're gonna find out." Buffy told her. She stood up and walked off camera crushing it shortly afterwards. _Bye-Bye prototype_. Buffy sad smugly before making her way out of the sewers.

Professor Walsh slowly turned to face Riley again. His face was drawn in a mask of anger. What was going on? He was going to see what really happen. He suddenly stormed off without another word.

"Riley… I order you to stop. Agent Finn. Riley!" Walsh called but to no avail. Riley was already gone.

Spike slipped his shirt on and Giles snapped his Gloves off.

"It will be dark soon. I advise you to leave Sunnydale." Giles suggested.

"I'm not going anywhere." Spike retorted. He couldn't just leave. He had nowhere to go. And he didn't want to be away from Buffy. "Not until those bastards undo whatever they did to me. Put me back the way I was."

"Sure. Just explain to the nice scientist guys that you really miss torturing and killing innocent people." Xander offered sarcastically.

"You think that'll work?"

"Spike. Lord knows why I'm telling you this. Its for your own good. As long as the initiative is in operation its not safe for you here." Giles continued. If Spike had any hope of living he would need to leave.

"No. It's not safe for any of us." Buffy told them abruptly as she quietly entered the room. All eyes fell on her.

Spike turned around and his eyes widened at Buffy. He saw exactly what everyone else saw. Buffy's hair was disheveled and her clothes were partially torn. He wanted to run to her side and check every inch of her just to see if she was alright but he knew better then to act on that impulse. Especially with the scoobies so on edge.

Giles, along with Anya, Xander and Willow were curious as to what she meant. Something had came after her that was for sure. And what did she mean none of them were safe?

"What happened?" Willow asked, a little freaked by Buffy's statement.

"Well there was a couple of Sub-I mean a couple of demons supposedly broke loose from the initiative. So Maggie sends me down into the sewers with one of those blasto guns and the next thing I know it's raining monsters."

"Hallelujah." Xander joked but met Buffy's eyes and shut up.

_God damn Initiative. They were going to pay for this_. Xander thought harshly. How could they do this to her?

"And then this gate slams down behind me and I-I try to use the gun but it goes pfft." she told them gesturing with her hands.

"You're saying that Maggie Walsh set you up?" Giles asked. He'd had a bad feeling about Walsh since he'd met her. She was too hard and unemotional.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. She sent me on a one way recon." Buffy said wide eyed. She was still trying to figure it out herself.

"I'll kill him." Spike spat out angrily, jumping up from his seat on the stairs. "Well I won't kill him because I can't but I can bloody well try."

Everyone looked to him awaiting an explanation. _Since when did Spike get so worked up over Buffy's possible death?_ Willow thought curiously.

"What?" Buffy asked confused. Who's life was Spike threatening?

"You think Riley was out knitting booties for your future offspring while Maggie stringing you up?" he said through his teeth. He didn't care how he did it. If Cap'n Cardboard was involved, he wasn't going to be breathing another day, one way or another.

Buffy thought about it and her brows furrow. No Riley wouldn't. They were semi-dating, but not really. He's too nice for that he would never, would he?

"You guys think Riley had something to do with this." Buffy questioned. It was really hard to believe.

"Um, probably not but we, uh, be remiss if we didn't think all the possibilities through." Giles reasoned. He really hoped it didn't turn out Riley was involved. He couldn't stand to see Buffy in any more pain then he'd already seen her.

"Great. Right. Remiss." she said rubbing her temple. Thats great another lost ally and one less person to trust. No one ever stuck to one side did they? Could Riley have known about it? Maybe even planned it? "Wait. No! No, Maggie made sure that he was nowhere around when she sent me on this very special make Buffy dead assignment.

"He must have been one of the soldiers sent out to capture Spike." Anya cut in. This was a far better conclusion then someone lieing right?

Buffy thought about that and that made her feel slightly relieved and angry at the same time. Hadn't she told Riley she needed Spike around? And yet he went out on a mission to get him and bring him back to the initiative.

"Plus Riley? He seems like he wouldn't tell a little white lie let alone a whole bunch of big dirty ones." Willow tried to soothe her.

"That's why they call it the secret forces Will, cause they kinda keep the whole lying thing to themselves." Xander countered.

"No Will's right. He'd probably be straight forward about stupid things he was going to do." Buffy grumbled. She knew he'd be completely upfront about trying to capture Spike and that pissed her off even more. Why did he have to be so jealous? Its not like her and Riley were actually dating.

They all turned to her in confusion.

"What makes you say that?" Giles asked her as she met eyes with Spike.

He just stared at her still shocked at how defensive she got when it came to him. He sort of liked it. Hell he loved it.

"Nothing. Look, all I know is that Maggie has it in for me which means the Initiative has it in for me." Buffy told them. This meant they were all in danger.

"I'm guessing the mad scientist isn't too keen on the fact that the entire Scooby gang knows that the Initiative is up to no good." Xander admitted.

"Which brings us back to the not safe for any of us concept."

"What could have happened to make Professor Walsh want to kill you?" Giles inquired. There's must be some logical reason she would do this.

"I don't know, uh. She wasn't keen on the fact that I was asking a lot of questions that's for sure." she replied remembering the look on maggie's face when she had insisted about getting all the facts. THat's why Walsh had agreed, she knew she wouldn't have to worry about an explanation.

"So you were getting too close to something." Anya interjected. "Its obvious. People tend to get touchy when they have something to hide."

"Clearly. Although one can only imagine what she'd be so desperate to keep from our depths."

"I'm not sure but everybody grab a weapon. We've gotta move." Buffy said fiercely. she was not going to let the initiative take this out on her friends. She went into Giles weapons chest and handed Xander an ax and Anya a grappling hook.

"Storm the Initiative. Yeah let's take on those suckers." Xander said holding his ax high.

"I was thinking more that we'd hide." Buffy suggested.

"Oh thank God." he replied lowering his ax. He did not want to go anywhere near those guys.

"I think perhaps we should talk about this."

"We need to relocate someplace we're less likely to be found. We need to come up with a plan." Buffy said hands on her hips. She'd be damned if her friends got hurt because of her involvement with the initiative.

"We could go to my place." Willow offered kindly.

"The Initiative guys know how close we are. They'll automatically check the places that you hang out. Xander, what about your basement? The guys haven't seen us together that much and there's enough room." Buffy asked him. The more she thought about it, the more she liked the plan. That would be the perfect place.

"Ooh Plus mirror ball." Willow said smiling. She loved mirror ball.

"Cool! Come on down and boogie at Xander's hideaway." he said playfully.

"Yes, come boogie." Anya agreed half-hearted. She was sad that she would have to share Xander and that they wouldn't be alone but it was obviously necessary.

"Absolutely not! I will not squat in that dank hole." Giles scoffed.

"Oh what it's good enough for Xander but not for you nancy boy?" Spike asked smirking.

"No it's just- Besides I-I don't see why we can't stay right where we are. Pfft. It's very unlikely that those Initiative boys are going to come round here to look for-" Giles stopped mid-sentence as the front door opened and shut. He turned around to find Riley at the door. So much for that.

"Buffy." he sighed in relief. "God Buffy are you ok? What happened?"

"You know?" she asked hesitant. She still wasn't sure he was on her side. He could just as likely be here to finish what professor Walsh started.

"I know something went down. Tell me." he asked concerned. He wanted to know all the details.

"Maggie tried to kill me." Buffy replied staring up into his eyes, unsure of how he'd react. Riley looked away. Why would she do that? She couldn't have done it on purpose. No.

"It didn't work, but they're all upset anyway." Anya said shrugging.

"Bloody right we're upset." Spike growled. Riley looked over at Spike who was staring daggers at him.

"Hostile 17. He's here? We've been tracking him all day and you had him here. Protecting him?" Riley shouted as he looked at Spike in the corner. Why did she continue to help him? He was evil. She should have dusted him already. He kept glaring at him when Spike's black t-shirt was tugging at the edge of his memories but he couldn't pinpoint where he'd seen that shirt before.

"It's not that simple." she replied, before looking over at Spike. "He's a…he's a friend."

Riley looked from Buffy to Spike and back again. Thats it. The night she went on a mission with the guys she was wearing a black t-shirt. One of his black t-shirts. Oh god.

"Who kills people Buffy. What the hell is wrong with you? Are you... Are you-?" he couldn't even finish his question he was so furious.

"Why don't you just back off and let her ask the questions, Jack? Your boss just tried to make monster food out of her." Xander interupted Riley's stammering.

"No I won't back off." he said resolved. He looked at all their faces, excluding Spike, and sighed. "I-I didn't see much, I wasn't there. All I know is that Professor Walsh told me you were dead but then I saw you on the monitors. Look This isn't Professor Walsh. There must be something making her act this way. Something I don't know, controlling her."

"We think Buffy may have been becoming too inquisitive. That she was getting close to something that Professor Walsh was trying to hide. Do you have any idea what that might be?" Giles asked softly. He knew how hard it must be to hear that his boss had tried to kill Buffy behind his back so he tried to be gentle about it.

"What about 314? Maybe that's it." Buffy proposed. It had to be.

"Maybe she was trying to test you. What if it was only a drill? " Riley tried. Anything would be better then what he was hearing. Professor Walsh wouldn't do this. She wouldn't.

"Then why did she tell you I was dead? Riley it wasn't a test."

"See I've heard rumors that the Initiative isn't all that we've been told. That, um, secretly they're working toward some darker purpose, something that might harm us all." Giles hinted. The evidence was certainly pointing to this outcome. Was it possible maggie was in on this?

"No! That's - that's not what happens there. It's not!" Riley exclaimed, his hands starting to shake. No.

"Riley!" Buffy pleaded. "It's okay."

"I would know!" he shouted again. _I would know_. His hand flew to his head as he shook it.

"No one is sure of anything, ok? We're were just trying to sort it all out." she reassured him. Something was wrong with him. He was off somehow.

"I can't be here. I'll sort it out on my own."

"Riley. No wait don't-" she started to say as she grabbed his arm. He had to stop and let them explain or else he was going to do something he'd regret.

"No. Just, stop it." he told her before pushing her back and running for the door.


	12. Inside the Initiative

Chapter twelve. Sorry this one's a little more rough then the others. Its kind of like a filler chapter because I con't want to skip this because its going to be important leading up to the battle against adam, so bare with me. I wanted to get a chapter up as soon as I could. Thank you for reading and reviewing I really appreciate it. And don't worry there will be more up soon and in much better condition then this chapter. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have Angel or Spike all to myself they belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Twelve: Inside the Initiative

Buffy, Willow and Anya are all under the covers of Xander's bed watching cartoons, along with Spike at the foot of the bed with a pillow and a blanket.

"That would never happen." Buffy stated watching the cartoon.

"Well, no Buff, that's why they call them cartoons, not documentaries." Willow explained smiling.

"Must we have the noise? My head is splitting." Giles asked turning the TV off.

"Well, look who's cranky bear in the morning." Willow teased.

"Yes I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball." Giles said grumpily.

"Every time you moved it made squeaky noises. It was irritating." Anya complained.

"Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring." he countered with a glare.

Spike just laughed at their antics before Buffy sat up.

"Ok you guys, could we not please? Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parent's marriage."

They apologized before Giles moved the sheet from his path and walked back to his beach ball to sit.

"It'll be ok Buffy, Riley's just confused, that's all." Willow encouraged. She hated seeing her best friend so beat up and on edge.

"I don't know. It just seems like things could get heavier. His whole world's falling apart."

"And after everything you've been through with Angel. You really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander. You can't have Xander!" Anya wrned.

Buffy heard Spike's low growl at the mention of angel and couldn't help but crack a smile. He was so sexy when he was jealous.

"I'll try and remember that. But that was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were going to do dumb things like hold hands through the daises going tra-la-la."

"Poor Buffy. Your life resists all things average." Willow said putting.

"So dump him. But you can't have Xander!" Anya told her. _Xander is all mine. _

"That actually sounds like a good idea." Spike agreed.

"Yeah…" Buffy trailed off thinking about it. Riley wasn't the guy she thought he was. She had wanted normal and he wasn't. But that wasn't even the issue. The issue was that she wanted Spike.

"Oh?" Willow asked surprised. "Thinking about dumping Riley? Really? Is it because of the initiative?"

"No it's just. I…I don't know. I just don't see myself... It's weird. I mean I like him just not as much as…" her eyes drifted to Spike, who's eyes almost popped out of his head when her gaze fell on him. She blushed before turning to Anya and Willow. "As you guys. You know. I'd pick you guys over him. Any day." she rambled.

They seemed to accept that and Buffy sighed in relief. But that relief didn't last for long. Xander hurried down the stairs into the basement, carrying a breakfast tray.

"Turn on the TV. Now!" he told them, setting the tray down and fixing his eyes on the tv.

Willow got up and switched the TV back on. Where there's a story on the news.

"Sunnydale is still reeling from news of the crime. A source in the coroner's office tells us that the boy was stabbed with what looks like some kind of large skewer. And his body was then mutilated. Police have not named a suspect and the killer is still at large." The newswoman told them from the TV.

Buffy listened to the woman and it dawned on her.

"The Polgara demon had a skewer in its arm. That's the one Maggie insisted we bring back alive."

"She must have sent it after you." Giles said to her, a mouth full of tooth paste.

"And it got distracted." she replied, looking away. "God." That boy died because of her. Spike stared at Buffy and noticed the guilt that spread across her features like wildfire. Why did she shoulder the blame for something that wasn't her fault? It must be a slayer thing. Blame yourself for the worlds problems. He wished he could lift that burden off her shoulders. Let her be free of the responsibility that being the slayer entailed. But he also knew that the slayer was part of who she was. Take that away and she wouldn't be Buffy.

"Buffy, it's not your fault. How could you know?" Willow asked her, almost reading her mind.

"She's right. You mustn't blame yourself." Giles agreed, still brushing his teeth.

"I'm not going to." Buffy said as she climbed out of bed. She faced them, determination evident on her features. "I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it, I am going to make him pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine."

As her friends stared at her she looked down at her self and shrugged.

"That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas."

Everyone got up and got ready as Buffy set out for the crime scene. She got there just when they were hauling the body away and she couldn't help the sadness that swelled over her. That little boy had dies because of Maggie and her. If Maggie hadn't sent that demon out after her it wouldn't have stumbled across that little boy in the first place. She just wouldn't stop would she.

"Buffy. Hey"

She turned around to find Riley all decked out in his camouflage outfit.

"Hey."

"Look I'm sorry about earlier. I know that came on pretty strong. And the Spike thing isn't as tweaked as it looks." That was a lie. "Ok maybe it is but there's an explanation that almost makes sense." Almost. _Except for the fact that I want him. Maybe I should leave that part out._ She looked at his face which was screwed up in anger. Yep, definitely leaving the whole hot for Spike thing out. "Hello. I'm apologizing here. And I-I think that's pretty big of me considering I'm the one who was almost made a demon sandwich. This is the part where you throw me a bone."

"Maggie's dead." Riley told her solemnly. "Happy now?"

"How can you ask me that? Of course I'm not happy. What happened?" she asked, maybe its connected to what she was hiding.

"That's classified." Riley said firmly. He wasn't telling her anything. Not when she was fraternizing with a vampire.

"Classified. The Polgara. It got her and escaped. Didn't it? I'm gonna find it. I'm gonna find it and destroy it. And then you can stop asking me how happy all this death makes me." she replied shaking her head and starting towards Willy's. She needed information, quick. And Willy was the one who could give it to her.

She got there and he didn't have much to say. Hadn't heard about the Polgara demon since it got captured and before she could even get a answer about inside of the initiative, Riley walked in.

He threatened an old woman and said Buffy was spewing lies. Which was completely untrue. Except the whole Spike thing. But hey a girl is entitled to a few secrets, right? He almost shot a human woman and Buffy could tell something was wrong with him. He set his gun down on the bar and asked Buffy for her help.

She took him back to Xander's and asked Will and Giles to keep an eye on him. She had a demon to chase after and she couldn't stick around to help him. So for now, they would have to be good enough.

"Buffy, I don't know what's happening." Riley stammered as he curled up on Xander's bed. "I don't know who the good guys are or the bad guys. Maybe I'm the bad guy?"

"No. You're not. It's going to be okay." she soothed him. She may be mad at him but whatever was happening to him, he didn't deserve it. She unwrapped the scarf from her hair and wrapped it around his hand before meeting Giles, Anya, Spike and Xander on the other side of the basement.

"Something is wrong with him. I don't think it's just grief that's doing this to him. Its something physical." Buffy said distracted.

"Good." Spike muttered under his breath. Buffy just rolled her eyes and bit her lip in concentration. What were they going to do about this?

"Do you think Maggie did something to him?" Anya asked peering behind the sheet separating Riley and them.

"I don't know but I'm going to find out." she replied. That's it she was done with whatever the initiative was pulling. She was going in to find out what was really going on.

"That's gonna be tough, what with Maggie's deadness and all." Xander replied.

"She must have kept records somewhere. About Riley, about 314, about all of it. And I'm sure she wasn't the only person that knew what she was up to." Buffy said nodding to herself. She was decided. They were going in.

"What's the plan?"

"Giles, Anya, keep researching. Xander, you and I are going undercover."

"Hey!" Anya said stepping closer to Xander and grabbing his arm. "Remember before? No Xander! Not in a "boyfriend" way or a "lead him to a certain death" way."

"He's the only one with military experience." Buffy tried to explain.

"It's not like he was in the 'Nam. He was GI Joe for one night. Plus Spike's been in the initiative before. He'll know where everything is. A lot more help then some one-night army knowledge." Anya rambled in concern.

"It's okay, Anya. I've backed up Buffy before."

"Plus it's day time." Spike added grudgingly. Or else he would have insisted on coming.

"Can't you do something else to help them? Like Xerox handouts or something?" she asked desperately.

"I'll be careful. Promise. Plus you got Dead boy Jr. over there for that." he said smiling. Buffy just rolled her eyes again before Xander began gathering up their disguises.

"It's a minor point but how do you plan to get in to the Initiative? I'm sure their security system's almost impenetrable." Giles asked concerned. That was a major fault in her plan.

"I have my clearance, possibly. I'm hoping she didn't have time to revoke it." Buffy replied hopeful.

"Okay. Well as for the whereabouts of this Polgara demon, I'm afraid we've...we've not turned up much. There've been no reports since its original capture."

"Then we'll just have to keep looking." she replied before grabbing her disguise and setting off to get ready.

Back in Tara's dorm Willow and Tara set up the spell to locate the polgara demon.

"So…the square is Sunnydale?" Tara asked curiously. She loved doing magic. Especially with Willow.

"Right. It's like a map. We both take different parts of the potion and when we do the incantation we both blow it onto the square at the exact same time." Willow explained as she set up their supplies.

"But how does it work?" Tara inquired.

"Well that's the cool part. When the potion mixes and Thespia's called it creates this mist over the parts where the demons are. I-It even makes different colors for different breeds."

"Wow."

"You ready?" Willow asked. Tara nodded and Willow poured some of the powdered contents of the bowl into Tara's palm, then poured some into her own hand from a second bowl. "Let's do it." She closed her eyes and Tara did the same as the words of the spell passed over their lips..

"Thespia, we walk in shadow. Walk in blindness. You are the protector of the night."

"Thespia, goddess, ruler of all darkness, we implore you . . . open a window to the world of the under being."

Willow blew the powder from her hand over the square. Tara blew over her hand, not disturbing her powder, and leans toward her bed to dump the potion underneath it. Willow still has her eyes closed and did not see this.

"With your knowledge may we go in safety. With your grace may we speak of your benevolence."

Willow opened her eyes and looked down at the square, where nothing was happening. She frowned.

"Or not." She looked at Tara in confusion. Why hadn't it worked? Tara just gave her a disappointed look before shrugging.

Across campus Buffy and Xander made their way into Riley's dorm room.

"Buff, maybe you should check the look later." Xander suggested as she stared into the mirror on Riley's closet door.

"Shh!" she told him pushing him away from her.

"Oww! What'd you do that for?" he asked surprised, and a little hurt.

"Sorry. I'm the only one that can pass the retinal scan." she said shrugging.

"The re- eww! I don't wanna see that." Xander replied.

"Retinal scan, Xander. Well, we'll know in a few seconds if my clearance is still good."

An horizontal green light emitted from the mirror and slid down over her body.

"Or if we're about to die at the hands of fifty grief-filled military goons." he said nervously. He'd much rather it be the first one.

"Retinal scan recorded. Summers. Buffy." the female voice confirmed. The mirror slid to the side and Buffy stepped into the very white elevator beckoning Xander to follow her.

"Why am I not entirely comforted by the arrival of the man-sized microwave?"

The elevator door slid open and Buffy is now wearing the lab coat and she and Xander stepped out onto the catwalk overlooking the huge hangar of the Initiative complex. His eyes widened as he gaped.

"Holy moly!"

"I know." she replied quietly.

When they descend to the first landing they see a couple of commandos climbing the stairs towards them. Xander turns to Buffy and pulls her close to him.

"Quick pretend to make out with me!"

"What! What are you talking about?"

"Well, I, uh, you know, in the movies, the guy and the girl have to hide."

They pretend to be looking at her clipboard as the commandos pass them and continue up the stairs.

"Please! Could you possibly draw more attention to us?" When the commandos are gone, they continue down to stairs. "This is the Initiative, Xander. Military guys and scientists do not make out with each other."

"Well maybe that's what's wrong with the world. Ever think about that?" he asked as they continued towards 314.

Back in Xander's basement, Willow just got back from Tara's place and discovered what everyone was up to.

"So how did the spell go? Did you locate the polgara demon?" Spike asked he looked up from one of the books Giles gave him to research.

"It totally failed. It wasn't even like the spell went wrong. It just…wouldn't." Willow told them sadly. She was wallowing in her utter failure.

"If it's any consolation, we haven't fared much better here." Giles offered her. She knew she must feel bad.

"Really. Is Riley okay?"

"Well, h-he's asleep. Finally. But he doesn't look good. And the, uh, research is troubling as well. I mean, this-this demon we're after seems highly atypical for a Polgara. This child that it killed . . was mutilated. There's no recorded cases of a Polgara ever having done such a thing." Giles said disturbed.

"Also the Polgara have to eat every two hours. Factor in the low IQ and you have a demon who's not exactly low profile." Anya shared with them.

"So how has he been hiding out in Sunnydale for the last two days without anyone seeing him?"

"Exactly."

Willow pushed aside the sheet between the other side of the basement to check on Riley. But when she moved the sheet he wasn't even a foot away from her.

"Riley." she said surprised,

"Where's Buffy?" Riley demanded.

"She went out. Can-can I get you something?"

"Just tell me where she is." he demanded again as he pulled his boots on.

"You're not well, Riley. Y-you need to rest." Willow said cautiously. He was off the handle.

"Did she find the Polgara? Huh? Is that it?" he asked.

"Well, no, we're still looking. But-"

"But what?" he

"She went to find out what's making you sick." Anya told him happily. Maybe that would calm him down.

"I'm not sick! You're telling me she went to the Initiative?" he asked agitated. She shouldn't be there.

"Look here Cap'n Cardboard, she's just trying to help you. You're lucky she cares at all." Spike replied annoyed. Bleedin' ponce. Should be damn grateful were helping at all.

"Shut up, Spike." Riley sneered. "Of course you take her side. You're obsessed with her!"

Anya and Giles laughed while Willow continued to stand at the stairs a worried look stuck on her face. Spike just clenched his jaw and closed his fist.

"She doesn't belong there." he growled as he made his way towards the stairs.

"Riley, listen-" Willow pleaded as she ran infront of him.

"Stand away from the stairs." he said irritated. He needed to get to Buffy.

"No! You're gonna get Buffy killed-" Willow exclaimed as she stood in his way. He grabbed her by the tops of her arms and shoved her away from the exit, causing her to fall to the floor before he ran up the stairs and after Buffy.


	13. Goodbye Iowa

Okay. Chapter thirteen. This is the last part of Goodby Iowa I promise. Just wanted to say thank you all again for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it. I like hearing what you guys think, like or dislike. So I love feedback (: That's about it. The poll is still open on my page. If I should write a sequel or not so if you have a chance go vote becuase I want to work on it before this one's finish if I do decide to write it. Um what else? I guess if you'd like you can check out my new story while youre waiting for an updat on this one. It's spuffy of course. Well thank you for reading and Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Thirteen: Goodbye Iowa

Buffy and Xander discreetly made their way through the corridors of the initiative before falling upon two scientists talking about the conditions of the other soldiers.

The initiative was apparently giving the soldiers drugs through their food. And suffering from withdrawals. Which explained Riley's behavior.

Immediately after seeing his face, Buffy recognized one of the scientists partaking in the argument. Anglemen had been his name. She had only met him one on her second visit to the initiative. He had been the one who insisted the team bring back the Polgara demon alive so they could 'study' it. Right. He had also been Walsh's partner. If anyone knew about what lied behind 314, it would be him.

Anglemen dismissed the other scientist after their conversation was ended and began to amble towards room 314. Xander and Buffy quietly followed behind cornering him once they slipped inside.

"Now I don't generally like to kill humans, but I've learned that it pays to be flexible in life." Buffy quipped as she pulled at the collar of the scientist's lab coat. She was looking for answers and she didn't have the patience for interrogating him so he was going to give her some answers whether he liked it or not.

"I was wondering when you'd turn up." He sneered.

"Oh darn! So this isn't a surprise? Now you can tell me what you did to Riley and after that we can take a tour of room 314."

"Somebody's coming, you know? I'm sure they've already seen you on the security monitors." He threatened her. Buffy just shrugged and was about to finish her interogation when she was interrupted.

"Monitors are non-functional at this time, sir. Went down about ten minutes ago." Riley told him firmly.

"What? I didn't do that." Buffy said turning to Xander.

"Thank god for small favors and we'll worry about details later, huh, Buff?" Xander suggested sheepishly.

"Finn take this girl to the stockade immediately." Anglemen ordered Riley. Riley took a step but stopped, unsure of what he should do.

"Riley, he can tell us what we need to know. Maggie wanted me dead, didn't she?" Buffy pressed as Anglemen turned his head towards her.

"She did. But understand the Initiative has no interest in eliminating the Slayer. It was her own vendetta." he told her calmly.

"Why? Spell it out for me. I feel an attack of "dumb blonde" coming on." She said bitingly.

"I don't know." He told her, avoiding her eyes.

"Well. Think. Harder." Buffy told him resolutely before shoving him against the wall. She was not liking the progress of the conversation.

"It was…the project." He replied gulping. Now she was getting somewhere.

"Project? 314." Buffy asked, suddenly pleased. She knew Walsh had something hidden there. It was just a matter of what it was.

"It..." Anglemen stopped and turned to Riley. He was just staring his arms crossed as he waited for the rest his explanation. "It escaped." _What escaped?_

"That's enough! You're making her sound like some psychopath. She wasn't like that! She was a brilliant woman!" Riley bellowed taking a long stride in Anglemen's direction. He was not going to let him talk about Maggie that way. She was a good woman, or was she? What was happening?

"She was. I-it's not-" the scientist struggled to put it into words. Professor Walsh had not meant for any of this to happen.

"All she was doing was trying to help people...and this is the way you want them to remember her?" he asked harshly.

"Anglemen said Walsh was feeding you drugs." Buffy added gently.

"You're doing this to me, aren't you?" Riley asked angrily, advancing on Buffy. Buffy released the scientist and turned to face Riley. Anglemen sighed in relief before slipping away from Buffy to the back of the room towards Xander. "This all started because of you!" Riley screamed at her. Ever since she came… that was when everything started to change. When all the lines got blurred.

"Look, if you will just listen to me, okay? I am trying to help you get to the truth."

"You want truth? Then tell me…what did you do to her, Buffy?" he asked seizing her by her shoulders and shaking her.

"Stop it! I didn't do anything!" she told him tearing herself from his grip. He grabbed at her again but she dodged his hands and pushed him away gruffly.

"Riley, stop! This isn't about us! Everything that we need to know is here. We just need to find out what was in 314." Suddenly there was a clang above their heads and a dead commando fell from the catwalk and landed at their feet.

"Me."

They looked up and saw the demon. If you could call it that. He paced back and forth as he spoke.

"I've been thinking about the world. I wanted to see it. Learn it. I saw the inside of that boy and it was beautiful. But it didn't tell me about the world. It just made me feel. So now . . . I want to learn about me. Why I feel? What I am?" he questioned as he looked down at Riley, Buffy, Xander and Anglemen. "So I came home."

He stopped pacing and stepped off the edge, lithely landing on his feet.

"I'm a cinematically redundant, biomechanical demonoid. Designed by Maggie Walsh. She called me Adam and I called her mother."

"Adam. Maggie would want you to stand down." Angleman tried to tell him.

"Yes. But I seem to have a design flaw." Adam explained as he stared at the scientist. "In addition to organic material, I'm equipped with GP-2/D-11 Infrared Detectors. A Harmonic Decelerator, plus DC Servo."

"She pieced you together from parts of other demons." Buffy said in disgust.

Adam looks down at his green Polgara arm, and his dark tan demon rightarm, which is plated with metal on the forearm and shoulder.

"And man. And machine. Which tells me what I am...but not _who_ I am. Mother wrote things down. Hard data, but also her feelings. That's how I learned that I have a job here. And that she loved me."

"She wasn't your mother! And she didn't love you!"

"Is that really the issue?" Xander asked his eye brows raising.

"She made you because she was a scientist!"

"Rileeey." Xander said warningly. Maybe this wasn't the best time to be pushing their luck?

"Riley Finn." Adam said as he pushed a disk with his name on it into his hard drive.

"Stop! Those files-" Riley tried to stop him.

"Oh! Mother created you, too." Adam said in surprise.

"Maggie is not my mother!" he said turning to Buffy. "I have a mother! A real-"

"A birth mother. Yes. But after you met Maggie, she was the one who shaped your basic operating system. She taught you how to think. How to feel. She fed you chemicals to make you stronger. Your mind and body. She said that you and I were her favorite children. Her art. That makes us brothers. Family." Adam said smiling.

"No! I'm not like you!" Riley denied. No he was nothing like that monster.

"That's pain, isn't it? Why? Because your feeding schedule -the chemicals- have been interrupted? Or do you miss her? Tell me." Adam asked curiously.

"I'll kill you!" Riley bellowed his hands curling into fists.

"You won't. You haven't been programmed to." Adam said calmly.

"I cannot be programmed! I'm a man!" he shouted at the demon. He wasn't created or programmed.

"It's here." Adam told him as he pulled out another disk and holding it up so Riley can see. "The plan she had for us. What happens. How it ends."

"No." Riley screamed before launching himself at Adam. He barely even got in a punch when Adam swiped him with his skewer.

Buffy moved in on him delivering a powerful kick to Adam's chest but falling on her face. She picked her self up and he knocked her off her feet. _What the hell? This demon thingy is even stronger then me?_

She was on her feet in an instant and Adam was already up the catwalk and climbing into the vent. She looked around until her eyes fell on a bleeding Riley. Xander hunching over him. She dropped to his side as he covered the wound with his hand, applying pressure.

Her hands fluttered helplessly over his body. She was in the middle of telling Xander to get help when a brigade of soldiers crashed through the metal doors. There eyes first found Anglemen who was dead then they saw Riley bleeding and immediately rushed over to him.

"Take her in." One of the soldiers demanded. Xander shot up from the ground and Riley started to speak.

"No. No it wasn't Buffy." he said weakly clutching his wound.

"It was this demon experiment thing. It just escaped through the vents." Buffy explained pointing towards the ceiling. Riley nodded and confirmed her statement. Half the soldiers jumped into action and moved to follow Adam while the other half started to get Riley onto a gurney.

Buffy and Xander stood aside as Riley was escorted out and they eventually made their way back to Xander's basement.

"Buffy! Your back." Willow exclaimed standing up before moaning and sitting back down as she brought an ice pack to her head.

"What happened?" Xander asked eyeing the bump on Willow's forehead.

"Riley." Giles said simply.

"He was pretty crazed about you being at the initiative." Anya told them as she buried herself in Xander's arms. He kissed the top of her head and sat down next to Willow.

"About the polgara demon…" Giles started. They had looked everywhere but there was no sign of this demon.

"There is no polgara demon. Just a part of him." Buffy replied. Giles and everyone else, apart from Xander, looked at her. "Maggie Walsh did this experiment. Its this demanoid thing that's part man, part demon, part machine."

She sighed before falling onto Xander's bean bag beside Spike. Her body brushed up against his and Spike could feel the heat rolling off her body. He was basking in how warm she felt and was almost tempted to pull her onto his lap, but he thought better of it.

"This…thing is bigger then me. And really strong." she told them as she stared at the wall lost in thought. She was still reeling after the encounter. He was just so strong and she wasn't used to that. They were going to have to figure something out.

Could this thing she's talking about really be _that _strong? Spike wondered silently as he stared at the slayer. So strong that the slayer was worried? She was clearly immersed in her own world as the rest of the gang bantered back and forth discussing the events of the night and what they should do next.

"Well for now it seems Adam is going to keep a low profile. In the meanwhile it would be wise of us to keep an eye out for this Adam and go from there." Giles instructed them, interrupting Buffy's musings. She sighed before leaning her head back on the bean bag next to Spike her shoulder pressed into his.

"I'm pretty sure its safe to go back home." Buffy stated as she stared up at the ceiling. "Riley told the initiative that I had nothing to do with Walsh's death or Anglemen's death before he was taken to the hospital. Apparently the death of Buffy had absolutely nothing to do with the initiative, it was just Walsh's personal vendetta against me. So for now were all okay."

The scoobies let out sighs of relief and Buffy was pleased to have the stress removed from her friends shoulders. She picked her head up and fixed her gaze on Spike who was studying her intently.

He watched as she smiled at her friends relief but he also noticed the worry that was hidden deep behind those emerald eyes.

"This is great now I can have Xander all to myself." Anya giggled, wrapping her arms around Xander's waist. Xander blushed and smiled before saying his goodbyes.

After making plans to discuss the new big bad were made everyone filed out of the basement leaving an all too happy Anya and Xander to their 'activities'. Giles went straight home, saying something like 'I need a bed. Stat.' but more British like. Willow and Buffy left for campus together while Spike headed for his crypt. Maybe he'd stake a few vamps in the cemetery before bed, he was still all worked up and a good brawl would do the trick.


	14. Faith

Here it is. Hope you like it. Don't forget to leave some feedback. It always brightens my day. Sorry about this but I reposted this chapter because I made a typo mistake. Thank you Sakura1120 for pointing it out. Its fixed now so Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Fourteen: Faith

"So, here it is. The latest in state-of-the-art combat technology. I gotta say, it doesn't look that complicated." Xander stated while Giles, Willow, Spike, and Buffy crowded in his basement. His hands raked over the cool metal and copper wires spilling out from the top as he tried to figure out what made the ray gun tick.

Spike just sat back and waited for the minute the whelp needed his help. He knew Xander had some experience or whatever it was he was rambling about but this was obviously no ordinary gun.

"So can you repair it?" Buffy asked anxiously. She really needed it fixed if she was going to be looking for Adam again tonight. Spike was good backup but this thing was stronger then the both of them.

"Sure. As soon as I get my master's degree in advanced starship technology." he replied frustrated, slamming the gun onto the table. He had some experience but this technology was completely foreign to him.

"Well, why don't we experiment? Press some buttons, see what happens." Willow suggested, trying her best to be helpful.

"I'd like to veto that." Giles said immediately while he folded his clothes.

"Second. It's called a blaster, Will, a word that tends to discourage experimentation. Now, if it were called the Orgazmater, I'd be the first to try your basic button press approach." Xander replied.

"Just tell me. Can you repair it or not?" Buffy asked him, her hands falling to the curve of her hips. They didn't have time to sit around and banter all day.

"I'm working on it, I'm working on it. I blow a whole in my mom's exterior patch then the neighbors will not be pleased." he said sighing, picking up the gun and peering inside it.

"Let me see it." Spike finally told him, rolling his eyes and snatching the gun from Xander's hand. Buffy just shook her head and sat down burying her face in one hand.

"Are you alright?" Giles asked, crossing the length of the basement to sit next to her. "You've been patrolling round the clock for three days straight now. I thought you could use some…"

"What? Some rest? There's a demonoid killing machine out there Giles, it doesn't only work the night shift."

"I was going to say perhaps you could use some backup, but um...now you mention it, building up your strength may not be a bad idea." he said softly.

"Just get the blaster working. That's all the strength I need, besides Spike." she replied shrugging.

Spike stopped what he was doing and threw a sultry smirk in her direction, causing the corners of her lips to tug into a small smile.

"Are you sure?" Willow inquired, leaving Xander's and Spike's side to sit next to Buffy.

"Why? Because ray guns aren't in the Slayer handbook? Well, you haven't seen this Adam thing. He's the Terminator without the bashful charm. He's deadly, and the last time we met, he kicked my ass."

"Oh no, blast away, by all means. I only meant...no word about Riley?" Willow asked cautiously. She wasn't exactly sure where Buffy stood with him.

"They keep telling me that he's fine. That's all they'll say. I'm worried." she told Willow sighing.

Spike stole a glance towards Buffy and frowned. She was worried about soldier biy. For some reason he didn't like that. And not just because Cap'n Cardboard tried to kill him.

"Maybe they're telling the truth." Willow tried soothing her. It wasn't too hard to believe, right?

"Maybe. The thing is I don't even know what the Initiative's version of 'fine' is." Buffy said sadly. Which was completely true. She didn't know anything about the initiative anymore.

"From what we've seen, I doubt they'll be trying to hurt him." Giles added casually. It would be completely unreasonable and irrational to hurt such an important asset to the initiative.

"I guess you're right." she replied shrugging, he was right. But even though it seemed reasonable it didn't completely eradicate the worry from her mind.

"You're so worried about Riley. Does that mean still like him?" Willow questioned. Buffy just sighed and propped her head against her arm.

"I don't know Will." she replied absently as she watched Spike work on the weapon in his hand. He seemed so confidant, like he already knew what to do. Even though the gun was nothing like anything they'd seen before.

Spike finished piecing together the gun and he cocked it before grinning proudly to himself. Xander smiled before taking the gun in his own hands and leveling it up to his shoulder. He had to admit he was impressed. As the barrel lay on his forearm, he couldn't help but like the feel of it in his arms. _Probably just some of the old soldier complex. _He told himself as turned to Willow and Buffy.

"So ready for patrol?" Xander asked his usual goofy smile hanging from his lips.

Night fell over Sunnydale and Buffy, Xander, Willow and Spike all set out into the woods around campus scouring the area for any signs of Adam. After a few minutes Xander yelped as they found the body of a demon strung up from two trees above all their heads, its belly sliced open revealing the hollow cavity of its chest.

When they got back to Xander's Buffy chewed on her lip as she paced the room.

"I've never seen anything like that."

"And I can go a long healthy stretch without seeing anything like that again."

Willow sat down on the couch, her knees drawn up, hugging her legs.

"It had to be Adam who killed it. But why?"

"He's studying biology. Human, demon- whatever he can get his hands on and tear apart." Buffy told therm. He wanted to know how things worked, what made them work.

"Wondering what makes things work."

"I really don't want to around for the final exam."

"It's not coming to that. The Initiative created this thing and they can't stop it. But we will."

"Question. Will hiding in a cabin with stockpiled chocolate goods be any part of this plan?" Xander asked nervously. He was really hoping that was the plan.

"No."

"Told you." Xander told Willow disappointed as he plops down next to her on the couch. She gazes over at him before rolling her eyes and letting her feet fall to the floor.

"What's first?" Willow asked attentive. She was going to do anything she coud to help.

"Riley. I'm not leaving him down there with the people that created this thing. I don't care how many guns they have, I'm going in…" Spike opened his mouth to argue but before he could say a word Buffy interrupted. "We're going to need as much help as we can get Spike."

Spike huffed before folding his duster over his arm and leaning up against the wall to listen to the plan.

"Okay. Will, I need you to hack into the security mainframe and buy me a ten minute shut-down of operation systems."

"That could be-"

"Tricky. Not impossible. If you can't do it on-line then use magic. Xander, any gear you've been saving for a rainy day, I want you to give it to me."

"You want stealthy stuff?"

"No, we tried sneaking in. This time I'm gonna use force. I figure I'll go in through the elevator shaft and use the cable as tow lines. Then blast open the facility doors and find the infirmary."

"Am I really worth all that?" Riley asked grinning as he steppe off the last step on the staircase.

"Not really." Spike mumbled before Buffy looked over shoulder and saw Riley.

"Riley!" She hurried over to him and hugged him tightly. "Oooh! God, I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?" she asked after he groaned in pain.

"No. A giant skewer through the ribcage hurt me. That was just a reminder." he replied chuckling.

"How did you get out?" Buffy wondered aloud. It couldn't have been easy.

"I walked."

"They didn't try to stop you?" Willow asked confused.

"Oh, they did. Repeatedly. But, uh, then I told them they couldn't keep me without a major ass kicking. One way or another. Here I am." he replied smiling.

"That's. Great. Riley. And, you know, there's no polite way to ask you this, but . . . Uhhh…Did they put a chip in your brain?" Xander questioned as he studied Riley's head.

"Beg your pardon."

"Forget it. We're just happy to have you back." Buffy told him.

"Speak for your self." Spike bit out. Great Cap'n Cardboard was back. _God, I need a drink._

Riley was caught off guard by the comment and glanced around to find Spike standing in the back corner of the room. Spike ignored Riley's glare as he walked over to Buffy and pulled her aside.

"Look I'm going to head over to Willy's. See if there's anything about Adam around. Alrigh'?" he asked leaning towards her.

"Good Idea." she replied nodding. "I'll come by your place sometime tomorrow night or we'll work something out just incase you get any information."

"Right." he said half-heartedly before sweeping up the stairs. He couldn't get out of there fast enough. He really wasn't interested in being any where near Cap'n Cardboard tonight. He couldn't stomach it.

Buffy and Riley stopped at her dorm before meeting up with Willow and Xander at Giles'.

"I really am glad you're back." Buffy said smiling as she curled her feet under her.

"Me too. All I had in there was...this one little part of you." he told her as he pulled out her small scarf.

"It's just the scarf part of me, really." she replied nonchalantly.

"I'm serious. Just knowing you were out there. That you cared." he said intensely.

He turned around again and walked to the window, stuffing the scarf back in his pocket.

"You seem a little...somewhere else. Is there anything I can do?" she asked grabbing at his hand.

He intertwined her fingers in his and sat down on the bed next to her.

"Give me an order. It's what I do, isn't it? Follow orders?"

"But you don't have to."

"Don't I? All my life that's what I've been groomed to do. They say jump, I ask how high? I get the job done. Just don't know if it's the right job anymore." he said staring off into space.

"I know how you feel. Giles used to be a part of this council. And for years all they ever did was give me orders." she told him as she was thrown back into her old memories.

"Ever obey them?" he asked, eye brows raised. He could never see Buffy taking orders, she too free-spirited.

"Sure. The ones I was going to do anyway. The point is, I quit the council. And I was scared. But it's okay now. You'll get used to it." she promised him.

"See. Now that's where you and I are different. I just suck at the whole gray-area thing." he replied sadly.

"It's a choice. Go back in there and maybe make some changes from the inside. Or you can quit the team. Fight demons in your own way."

"You make it sound so simple. I don't even know what my way is."

"Well, it's time to find out."

"I'm a soldier. Take that away, what's left?" he asked troubled.

"A good man." she told him firmly, patting his hand before pulling it out of his. She was making the wrong impression. "Now lets get to Giles'."

"The puzzle, it seems to me, is why Adam has stayed dormant as long as he has?" Giles stated as he polished his glasses with his sweater.

"When he's not making performance art out of other demons that is."

Buffy leaned against the mantle piece while Giles roused the fire with an iron poker and Willow and Xander sit on the couch opposite of Riley.

"He's probably working off an autonomic power source. Because he's straight out of the box he needs to charge up awhile."

"Okay. What's he charging up for?"

Giles got up from his seat on the couch and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Based on the clues, I'll go with killing spree." Xander stated.

"And that's a best-case scenario. I suppose a little fire power would be a good idea right now."

Buffy turned and noticed the lack of room so she sat down on the arm of Riley's chair, arms crossed.

"Since Professor Walsh designed it, any chance she left instructions lying around somewhere?"

"Well, if she did, they're going to be in the Initiative."

Giles set the tea tray down on his coffee table and everyone grabbed a cup.

"Which we can't get into without mounting a major offensive."

"Speak for yourself." Riley said quickly. Everyone turned to him and he shrugged. "I'm just saying."

"I must admit, a man on the inside would be, uh…"

"A really good idea. Are you sure you want to be double-agent guy?" Buffy asked him.

"I'm not exactly sure what you'd call me but...I will share information. It's the least I could do." Riley wrapped his arm around a stiff Buffy and pulled her into him. She met eyes with Willow as she tried to figure out how to wiggle herself out of his embrace. Suddenly the shrill ring of the phone pierced the air and Giles set his cup down and padded across the room to answer it.

"Hello. Y-yes, she is." Giles turned to face Buffy and held the phone up in her direction. "Uh, it's for you."

Buffy wriggled her way out of Riley's arms, slightly relieved for an excuse. She took the phone from Giles hand and held it to her ear.

"Hello. Speaking. What sort of emergency?" As she listened to the other end her expression became solemn. Faith was out. "Um…no, I haven't. Thank you. I'll let you know."

She placed the phone back on the receiver and kept her face hidden. She wasn't sure what to think.

"What is it?" Giles asked a worried expression marring his features.

"It's Faith. She's awake. She beat someone up, took her clothing, and disappeared out of the hospital. No one knows where she is." Buffy told them as she turned to face them unaware of the watching eyes from the window.

"I'd say this qualifies for a "worse timing ever" award." Xander complained.

"What do we do?" Willow asked.

"Well, we have to find her."

"What about Adam?"

"I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of pursuing a homicidal lunatic." Xander quipped.

"Well, Faith's not exactly low-profile girl. I'll patrol and wait for her to make a move." Yeah, that'd be reasonable. No full scale attack but no turning the other cheek, or the other eye. Either way if she made a move patrolling would be the perfect lure.

"And then what?"

"Oh! I have an idea. Beat the crap out of her." Willow suggested eagerly. If anyone could take down Faith it would be Buffy.

"Good plan!" Xander said grinning.

"Good on paper. But we still have a decision to make. Do we hand her over to the cops? They wouldn't know what to do with a Slayer even if they knew we existed."

"What about the Council?"

"Been there. Tried that. Not unlike smothering a forest fire with napalm, as I recall."

"Well, the Initiative, they do have containment facilities." _But how long would that last?_ Buffy asked herself.

"There's no way around it. Faith is back and, whether I like it or not...she's my responsibility." Buffy declared as she paced around the room. She thought this part of her life was long since past, but I guess its true. Sometimes your past does come back and bite you.

"Yeah, too bad. That was funnest coma ever." Willow replied pouting. Xander nodded in agreement while Buffy raked her mind for alternatives. Maybe there was a way to end this peaceably.

"We have no idea where she is. We don't know what she's thinking, what she's feeling." Buffy thought about it. Maybe Faith just needs help. Our help.

"Who she's doing." Xander spat spitefully as he remembered how quickly she forgot about him in her blaze of evil glory.

"She could be terrified. Maybe she doesn't even remember? Or-or maybe she does and-and she's sorry and she's alone, hiding somewhere?" From their expressions it was obvious Giles, Willow, and Xander weren't buying it.

"Uh, perhaps there's some form of rehabilitation we just haven't thought about?" Giles tried. If Buffy thought it necessary they would find a way to help the girl.

"And if not. Ass kicking makes a solid plan B." Willow added as Xander nodded his head in agreement. He wouldn't mind watching that.

"I'm not gonna rule it out. First thing- we need to find her. Then we can take it from there. But I've gotta go talk to someone." Buffy said firmly as she stopped pacing and went to the front door. One thing she needed to take care of. Spike. He needed to be on the lookout. She grabbed the metal door handle and swung it open the front door before she stopped, one foot over the threshold.

"Who's Faith?" Riley asked curiously. Buffy shut the door and turned to face him. Oh boy, did she have alot of explaining to do.


	15. This Year's Girl

Okay. So here's chapter fifteen. I want to thank everyone who's been sticking with this. I really appreciate it. I have some news, I have officially decided to write the sequel. This story's not even close to done yet. Well dont forget to review. Tell me what you like or don't like. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Fifteen: This Year's Girl

"What did you tell him?" Willow asked Buffy as they walked through campus, the sun beaming down on their backs.

"The truth." Buffy replied nodding. "That she's my wacky identical cousin from England who whenever she visits hijinks ensue."

"It's good you two are so honest with each other." Willow joked, pursing her lips and looking over at Buffy.

"Nah, I told him the story. I vagued up a few bits, but no flat out lies." But not straight up truth either. That's the beauty of carefully constructed half truths. Not lies but not all the things they need to know.

"So no mention of Angel then?" Wonder how Riley would take that?

"I did some editing. It's...just that's a longer conversation and I had a Faith hunt to do." Yeah. That's it. A Faith hunt. A hunt that might end one of two ways. Either there's a fight to the death or theres rehabilitation. Let's hope for the latter. And just like that the faces of her friends flashed before her eyes. Willow. Xander. Giles. Anya. Riley. Spike. _Whatever way it goes, I'll do whatever I have to do to protect them. _Even if that means a death match.

"Any luck with that?" Willow asked. The sooner Faith was behind bars or anywhere other then Sunnydale the better she'd feel.

"Couldn't find her and I don't really have any idea where she would go." Or what she wants.

"At least you're not alone on this. I bet every cop in Sunnydale is out there looking for her, right now." Not that its much help. If no one's noticed the cops of Sunnydale are deeply stupid at times. Buffy thought back to the time when Kendra was killed. Alot of help the police were attempting to arrest her, when the real killer was out planning the end of the world.

"Yep. Lots of pressure. If I were her I would get on with the running." Buffy reasoned as her and Willow approached the message board in the middle of the courtyard.

"But your not me." Faith said menacingly as she turned to reveal herself. "So. Check you out, B. Nice. The big girl on campus thing's really working for you." _Unlike me._

Buffy motioned for Willow to hang back as she moved towards Faith. "I've been looking for you." Buffy told her cautiously. This didn't have to end badly.

"I've been standing still for eight months, B. How hard you look?"

"Are you all right?" Buffy asked as softly as she could. No reason to make problems where there might not be any.

"Five by five. Best thing about a coma, you wake up all rested and rejuvenated and ready for payback." Faith replied smiling. Oh there was going to be payback.

"So much for pleasantries, huh?" Okay so no nice make up. Things look like there moving towards more of a fight then an intervention. Faith began to pace in front of Buffy as she spoke.

"What'd you think? I'd wake up and we'd go for tea? You tried to gut me, Blondie."

"You'd have done the same to me if you had the chance." Buffy stated. Seeing the cold look in Faith's eyes. She'd say that'd be a definite yes, but she already knew that.

"So let's have another go at it. See who lands on top." Faith suggested moving in on her. _This time it'll be me._

"It doesn't have to be like this, you know?"

"Actually, I think it has to be exactly like this." Faith nodded her grin growing. Oh yeah looks like little Buffy's worried.

"I guess it was too much to hope that you'd use your downtime to reflect and grow." Buffy retorted, shrugging. Guess things were going to be resolved the hard way. No skin off her back.

"Could say the same about you. I mean, you're still the same old 'better than thou' Buffy. I mean, I knew it somehow. I kept having this dream -not sure what it means- but in the dream this self-righteous, blonde chick stabs me. And you want to know why?" Faith asked as she continued to ramble on.

"You had it coming." Of course she had it coming, that was the reason she'd done it in the first place. That and Angel.

"That's one interpretation. But in my dream, she does it for a guy-" willow tiptoed behind Faith but she knew before Willow even got the chance to do anything. "Try it, red, and you lose an arm!" Faith warned as Willow raised her bag. She wanted to get this out, get a reaction but not from Willow.

Buffy gave Willow a small nod and she backed off.

"I wake up to find that this blonde chick isn't even dating the guy she was so nuts about before. I mean, she's moved on to the first college beef stick she meets. And not only has she forgotten the love of her life, she's forgotten all about the chick she nearly killed for him. So that's my dream. That and some stuff about cigars in a tunnel. But, uh, tell me, college girl…what does it mean?" Faith asked as she stepped closer.

"To me? Mostly, That you still mouth off about things you don't understand." Buffy replied fiercely, getting into Faith's face. Faith's head whipped around at the sound of police sirens.

"Uh-oh. I guess somebody knows you're hear."

And with that Faith threw her punch. Buffy flew into action dodging and kicking and punching before Faith took off.

She tried to follow but by the time she'd caught up she was already gone. Well at least it's not up in the air anymore. She attempted to soothe herself. At least she knew what she had to do. Time to pay Spike a visit.

Spike wiped the blood from his mouth as he marched into his crypt, throwing his duster on a nearby arm chair. He had just got back from Willy's bar and after asking around no one seemed to know anything, and if they did they weren't sharing.

Eventually after he figured no one was going to talk he'd settled down and ordered a whiskey, but before he even had the chance to raise the glass to his parched lips some demon, flanked by a few friends, gave him a good sucker punch and knocked him out.

They picked him up and threw him out warning him not to come back, before walking back inside, leaving a dazed Spike bleeding in the street. He'd got up and went straight home deciding not to risk the confrontation. He was bleeding and he was hungry and he couldn't even get a drink without being jumped by some angry demon sods who are to afraid to take on William the Bloody face to face. So he wasn't exactly in the best mood. He jumped onto his stone sarcophagus and laid back, his eyes fluttering closed for barely a minute when there was a banging at his door.

Oh what now? Was that demon from the bar here for round two? Because this time he wasn't about to let him walk away. He hopped off the side of the sarcophagus and tensed for a fight.

"Spike!" Buffy called urgently. "You in there?"

Spike immediately relaxed and strode over to the door to let her in. As soon as the door swung open she noticed the blood staining his face and she reached out and brushed her fingers hesitantly around his swollen lip.

"God. What happened?" she asked forgetting about everything but Spike.

"Bar fight." he replied shrugging. "Nothing special. I didn't find anything. If that why you're here."

"No its not." she replied as she padded into his crypt and sat down on his arm chair, a troubled expression on her face.

"What is it?"

"There's a rogue slayer on the loose here in Sunnydale. One who's got a bone to pick with me so I thought I'd come and let you know to keep an eye out."

"A rogue slayer?" Spike asked intrigued. Never heard of that before. Buffy felt a wave of unexpected jealousy wash over her. Would Spike like her better, because of the evilness and all?

"Her names Faith. About my height. Brown hair, dark eyes, burgundy lipstick, super strength, psychotic mindset." she told him sighing. It was senior year all over again.

"The whole slayer package and then some, eh?"

"Yep." she replied absently as she got lost in the whirlwind of memories swirling around her. When Faith had first come to town. Kakistos. Patrolling along side her. Taking out vamps, averting apocalypses. The man she murdered. Her guiltless attitude. Then the fighting against her. Almost losing Angel.

If she knew about Spike would she do the same to him? Of course she would. But if that did happen she'd do something about it right? She'd let Spike drink from her if it meant saving him. And that thought disturbed her. Why was she suddenly so bent on keeping him alive?

"What's the matter pet?" he asked coming to stand in front of her.

She lifted her gaze to his and he tilted his head at what he saw in the depths of her forest green eyes.

Hurt. Anger. Fear.

"It's just the last time she was here she almost- she almost killed someone close to me. I just don't want it to happen again." she replied looking down into her lap. It had been so close. If she wouldn't have fed him her blood when she did he would have been dust.

"Hey." he told her slipping his finger under her chin and lifting her gaze to his. "It'll be alrigh'. You'll take care of it. You always do."

"Yeah. It's just I think if she knew how I felt about-" she stopped short and something hit her. "Oh god!" she shrieked standing up and shaking her head. Oh no.

"What?" he asked his brows furrowing in disappointment and confusion. He really wanted to hear what she was going to say but something was obviously wrong.

"Faith knows where I live." she told him gravely, her eyes widening in fear.

"And? You're not home."

"But my mom is." she replied unnerved. She couldn't stand the thought of Faith getting her hands on her mother. Spike growled in response. No way that bitch was going to get Joyce.

"I have to-" she started to tell him but he cut her off.

"I'm coming with you." he said placing a hand on her arm before picking up his duster and taking off with Buffy towards her house. When they got there they could see someone pacing in front of Joyce's window and Buffy quickly climbed up the tree beside the window and jumped through the glass as Spike shoved through the front door.

"Hi, Mom." Buffy said smugly as she brushed the shards of glass off her jacket.

"Hi, honey." Joyce answered relieved as Faith converged on Buffy. The fight began and Spike busted through the bedroom door and ran to Joyce's side to check on her.

After seeing she was fine he turned around to help Buffy out but her fight seemed to have moved to other parts of the house. He looked down at her and was debating on whether to stay and protect her or go join the fight.

"Go help." Joyce encouraged him before dialing 911. Spike turned and rushed down the stairs. His duster sweeping behind him.

Downstairs the fight raged on and as Spike rounded the corner into the living room, Faith slammed her hand into Buffy's. Their hands glowed white and each was propelled a few steps backwards.

Faith cocked her hand back and punched Buffy who fell to the floor and groaned. Spike sighed before turning to Faith and smiling. "Didn't I tell you it'd be alrigh'?"

"Buffy." Joyce breathed in relief as she wrapped her hands around Faith. "You're okay?"

"Yeah. Five by Five." she replied nodding. Spike took off before the police came in and Faith just smiled as she watched herself get shipped off in an ambulance. Looks like B's on her way to the big house._ In my body. _Faith thought spitefully_._ Life couldn't be sweeter.


	16. Tara

Don't have much to say but heres chapter sixteen. More spuffyness on the way so hang in there. Thanks for reading and dont forget to leave a review. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Sixteen: Tara

Buffy woke up in a hospital bed. She wasn't entirely sure what was going on. But there were lots of hospital personnel surrounding her, even a police officer or two. The last thing she remembered was... looking up at herself and her mom. What was going on? She looked down at herself and saw the features of Faith. Oh god. Faith! She made a move to get up but three aids and a two police officers swarmed around her and held her down.

"Let me go! Let me go!" she screamed. They didn't understand. She had to find Faith.

"Hold her down. Get me a sedative now!" The doctor yelled as he took the needle and plunged it into Buffy's arm.

"No! Please you don't understand she's with my mother. She's taken my…my body." Buffy tried to tell them as she drifted back to unconsciousness. Back at Buffy's house Faith had just finished ordering a plane ticket and getting dressed.

"Buffy?" Joyce asked as Faith toyed with the lipsticks on her vanity.

"Yeah, mom?" Faith asked as she picked up a lipstick tube and twirled it around with her fingers.

"Oh. Um, that was, um, Giles on the other line. He wanted you to meet your friends there. Said he had news."

"Yeah. I got some time to kill. I'll go see the gang. All my friends." Faith replied grabbing a lipstick tube and holding it up."You don't mind if I steal this, right?" Faith said smiling. Of course she wouldn't_. She thinks I'm darling Buffy._

"Is that the harlot?" Joyce asked perplexed.

"Yeah." she replied absently. Why was she asking?

"That's the same one Faith picked." Hm.

"Burn it." Faith replied tossing it over to Joyce who caught it and set it down still puzzled at her daughters behaviour. Young kids, she thought shrugging.

Across town in some policeman officer's cruiser Buffy was starting to wake up after being injected with the sedative.

"She's coming to." One of the officers observed.

"Yeah." the other one replied. "Man, I want this kid's constitution."

"Faith." Buffy mumbled as the fog in her mind started to clear up. Memories were slowly trickling back.

"Let's move it. I want to get her in before she's 100%."

Just as the officer faced forward a red armored truck came out of nowhere and slammed into the police cruiser. Two men dressed in black hopped out of the back and broke the back window pulling who they thought was Faith out of the cruiser's back seat.

"By order of the Watcher's Council, you are being taken into custody until such time-" Weatherby started to exclaim as they dragged Buffy towards their truck.

"Skip the speech." Collins suggested as they pulled Buffy through the back doors. "Let's go." They slammed the doors shut and sped off, a muddled Buffy in tow.

"Buffy. good. You're here." Giles exclaimed as Faith walked through Giles front door.

"The scooby gang's all here. Willow, Xander, and... everybody. What's up?" Faith asked pleasantly.

"It's about Faith, not surprisingly."

"Didn't Joyce tell you? I already kicked that ass." she replied smiling. Oh this was going to be fun.

"I feel a high five coming on." Xander said a goofy grin streched across his face. Xander never did change did he?

"Where is she?"

"On her way to the big house. Cops took her off my hands about an hour ago. Poetic justice."

"How's that?" Anya questioned. It didn't really seem poetic at all.

"Well, she did all those crimes, and now she's being arrested." Anya and the others just stared at her. "I guess that's just regular justice. It's cool, anyway."

"Unless I'm mistaken, Faith is no longer in police custody." Giles interrupted as he polished his spectacles. _Forever the stuffy British man._

"What are you talking about?" Faith asked surprised.

"Watcher's Council. They uh sent a retrieval team to capture Faith."

"Well, yeah, I mean, 'cause it worked so well when Wesley tried it." Faith joked, rolling her eyes. They wouldn't figure it out but even if they did she was going to be gone soon anyway.

"This is a special operations unit. They, uh, handle the council's trickier jobs - smuggling, interrogation, wetworks."

"What's wetworks?" Willow asked.

"Scuba-type stuff." Xander answered.

"I thought it was murder." Anya said shrugging.

"Well, yeah, but there could be underwater murder, with snorkels."

"So they're taking her to England?"

"It'll be a long, long time before she returns."

"Heh heh heh. ahhh Hah hah. Hah hah. ohhh I'm sorry. It's just...I'm happy. Faith is evil." Wow this was good. They didn't even have a clue. Buffy was going to be held at the watchers council while she got off scott free.

"Yeah. I hope they throw the book at her."

"I'm not sure there is a, a book for this." Giles told her seriously.

"They could throw other things." Willow suggested nodding. Yes that sounded like a good plan. Why throw the book when you can throw heavier things?

"I forgot how much you don't like Faith." Faith said suddenly.

"After what she's done to you? Oh, I wish those council guys would let me have an hour alone in the room with her, if I was larger and had grenades." Willow replied shrugging. Too bad she wasn't larger and didn't have grenades. Oh well.

Faith was struck with the suddne image of plunging a dagger through Willow's stomach, her bleeding form in her hands.

"So what you're saying is that everything's fine?" Anya asked removing Faith from her reverie.

"Oh, um, yes."

"Well, I'm glad you called us all here because that information could never be conveyed by telephone." Anya said annoyed. If that was all they needed to here then why were they there?

"What's up?"

"Well, I just thought it was, uh, best to convene, in case there were any loose ends." Giles stammered. He had to make sure everyone was alright and there was nothing going on...

"I'd never let her hurt you." Faith whispered to Willow as Giles talked.

"...or things that we might have forgotten."

"I know." Willow whispered back. a friendly smile spreading across her face.

"...But if you're, uh, keen to go, then, please, by all means, go."

"We kind of have a romantic evening planned." Xander told them smiling.

"We were gonna light a bunch of candles and have sex near them." Anya piped up.

"Well, we certainly don't want to cut into that seven minutes." Faith added chuckling.

"Hey." Anya exclaimed.

"I believe that's my hey. Hey!" Xander said offended. That was harsh.

"Lighten up. We're out of danger. Everything's good." Faith told them grinning.

"We still have Adam to take care of." Giles informed her as she got up and walked towards the door.

"Yeah. Adam. What's up with him?"

"I wish we knew."

"Well, don't worry about it. I'll patrol tonight, as long as it takes. You guys have your fun, I'll be out there doing my job." Faith made her way to the Bronze and was dancing in the throngs of gyrating bodies when she bumped into a guy.

"Whoop." she let out as she took a good look at the guy.

"Oh, you." Spike exhaled.

"And you." Faith replied, nodding like she knew him. She had no idea who this was but he looked familiar for some reason. Thinking back she remembered where she'd seen him. He was at Buffy's house when they switched our bodies… What was his name Spike?

"So no word on Adam yet. I'm just here getting a drink. And you don't have to worry about me drinking. Unless you're here to protect innocent beers." he said smirking.

He was a vampire, Faith realized. Explained the tingles. Wait, Spike? As in William the bloody, Spike?

"What are you doing here?" he asked suddenly.

"Just having a good time. Is that surprising?"

"Well yeah. Usually you'd be out on patrol. Don't usually see you around much, Summers."

"Why? 'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?" Faith said pouting.

"Uh no?"

"I mean I could do anything I want, and instead, I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of slayerness? I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous, I could have anything. Anyone." Faith told him in a sultry tone as she moved Buffy's arms up his chest. "Even you. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't?" She leaned in closer and looked up at him pursing her lips. "Because it's wrong."

Spike just stared down at Buffy perplexed and turned on of course. How many times had he dreamed of her hands all over him again, this time without the spell behind her actions? She pushed away from him and left him reeling at their confrontation. That wasn't normal. Something was up.

In some sort of warehouse, Buffy woke up and found herself chained up to wall of some sort.

"Well, it's awake." Weatherby said to the others.

"Who are you?" Buffy inquired as she tried to shake her hands loose of the chains.

"Council. We're taking you back to the mother country. Seems you've been a naughty girl."

"Listen to me. Y-You've made a mistake. I am not Faith. I'm Buffy Summers. Faith performed some kind of spell, she switched our bodies." Buffy told them desperately. She couldn't let Faith do this.

"Congratulations. No one's ever actually tried that one on me before." Collins said stoically. That was definitely a new one.

"You have to find Faith. C-call Giles. J-just get him here." Buffy stammered.

"Giles doesn't work for the council anymore. For that matter, neither does Buffy Summers. And what you are, miss, is a package. I deliver the package. I don't much care what's inside. Come on." Collins said before walking out of the room.

"He may not care, but I do. The Watcher's Council used to mean something. You perverted it. You trash. We should have killed you while you were asleep." WEatherby said in disgust as he spit in Buffy's face and stormed off.

"I can't believe you've never been here. The Bronze is the coolest place in Sunnydale. Of-of course, there's not a lot of competition. I think the vending machine at Bergen's came in second." Willow told her smiling as her and Tara navigated through thr Bronze.

"Y-you used to come here a lot?" Tara questioned, looking around the place.

"I lived here. Me, Xander... Buffy." Willow's eyes fell on Faith who was pushing a guy away from her. "Wow. I-I didn't think she'd be here. Come on, I want you to meet her." Willow told her grabbing Tara's hand and pulling her through the crowd towards Faith. "Hey, Buffy."

"Willow and - uh." Faith struggled. She didn't recognize the girl in front of her.

"Buffy, this is Tara." Willow told her happily. She was glad Buffy was finally getting to meet Tara.

"Hi." Tara said shyly.

"So we've never met." Tara just nodded. "Cool. Just have a thing with names." Right like I don't know them because I'm not Buffy.

"Tara was in my Wicca group." Willow explained.

"Unh-huh." Faith replied before walking away. Willow and Tara followed her to the couch where Faith plopped herself.

"So, what's up? Patrol a no-go?" Willow wondered aloud. Buffy never came to the Bronze, especially wen there was patrolling to do.

"Got tired. You know, the whole Faith thing. I let off some steam." Faith said shrugging.

"Good for you. You shouldn't work yourself too hard." She was glad Buffy was finally taking a break. She totally deserved it.

"That's my philosophy." Faith replied putting her feet on the table in front of her.

"Anyone want a soda?" Willow asked them.

"Water." Tara said quietly.

Faith shook her head no and Willow set off to get a drink, while Faith leaned forward to talk to Tara.

"So you guys been hanging out a lot lately, hunh?"

"Yeah. she's, um, she's really cool." Tara said smiling sheepishly. Ah so this girl was _with_ Willow.

"So Willow's not driving stick anymore." Faith replied grinning. "Who would have thought? I guess you never really know someone until you've been inside their skin. And Oz is out of the picture? Oh, never seen two people so much in love. She just couldn't get enough of old Oz."

"She, um, said he, uh, uh, w-w-w-w-w-wen-" Tara stuttered as she tried to explain.

"He w-w-w-w-what? You gonna get that sentence out sometime tonight?" Faith chuckled. Geez, what a package this girl was.

Tara just bowed her head and Willow came back with her water.

"Buffy, guy in the corner." Faith looked towards the guy leading the girl out and stood up.

"Yeah. Good call." she replied nodding.

"What?" Tara questioned as she studied the couple. Just looked like some regular people.

"Vampire."

"Wicked obvious. So I should slay him." she said to herself.

"You want help?" Willow asked.

"Nah, I got it."

Faith picked up a pool stick as she walked towards the back. When she got to the back room she found the vampire feeding on the girl. She snapped the pool stick in half and dropped the other half to the ground.

"Hey!" Faith shouted clubbing the vampire on the back of the head. The vampire let the girl go and turned around to attack. They began to fight and after a minute or so Faith dusted the vamp.

"You'll live." Faith told the girl who was gasping on the ground.

"Uh he was so strong," the girl said awkwardly.

"Yeah, well, he's gone now."

"Thank you." the girl told Faith as she turned to leave. "Thank you."

"Yeah. It's cool." Faith shrugged before walking back into the bronze.

"Everything poofed?" Willow asked as she rushed up to Faith's side.

"All's well in the world." Faith said casually.

"Tara's not feeling well. I'm gonna walk her home." Willow told Faith as she looked back at Tara.

"Yeah. You give her whatever she needs." Faith said smirking.

"Are you gonna be in later, or you going over to Riley's?"

Faith blinked a few times before a smile spread across her face. Looks like she was going to pay Buffy's college beef stick a visit. Show him how its really done.

Buffy started to make lots of noise rattling her chains and one of the council guys came towards the back to try and shut her up. She took the chains and wrapped him up in a choke hold. She tried to trade his life for her escape but Weatherby and Collins refused. She sighed before releasing smith and trying to figure out what to do next.

Willow and Tara get back to her dorm room and sit down to talk.

"I'm sorry you're feeling all blechy. But we'll get together with Buffy another time. Sometime soon. I think you'll really like her." Willow told her softly.

"She's not your friend." Tara replied, shaking her head. She wasn't completely sure but something seemed off.

"I may have overestimated the 'you liking her' factor." Willow said pouting. Did they not hit it off? What was she going to do if they didn't like each other?

"No, no. I mean, I don't...I don't think she's...her."

"You lost me." Willow said hr brows furrowing n confusion.

"Well, a person's energy has a flow, a unity. Buffy's was- was fragmented. It-it grated, like something forced in where it doesn't belong. Plus, she was, um, she was kind of mean." Tara told her, looking into her lap.

"So you think Buffy's not herself? Like she's been possessed or something?"

"I'm not sure."

"You didn't sense a hyena energy at all, did you? Because hyena possession is just...unpleasant." Willow said remembering the hyena possession with Xander. Not fun.

"Do you have anything of hers?"

"Of Buffy's? Uhhhh. Oh! This ring." Willow exclaimed oulling the ring off her finger. It's a good thing she borrowed it.

"I-I think there's a way we can, hmm…" Tara reached for a large book and flipped through the pages. "The passage to the nether realm. There-there's a ritual. If you can find Buffy there, you should be able to see."

"If it'll help her." Willow nodded, Tara stared up at her a little uncomfortable. "What?"

"Well, the nether realm exists beyond the physical world. Accessing it is... I-it-it's kind of like astral projection. It's very intense. I'd have to be your anchor, keep you on this plane."

"I trust you." Willow didn't know why but she always found herself at ease around Tara. She knew Tara would do whatever was in her power to keep her safe.

"It-it's not like anything that we've ever- " Willow stopped her and placed her hand on Tara's.

"I trust you." Willow repeated.


	17. Who are you

Chapter seventeen. I really spent a lot of time on this one so I hope you like it. There's a lot of Spike in it. So I think you'll like it. Don't forget to review. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Seventeen: Who are you

"Hey Baby." Faith said huskily as she sauntered into Riley's bedroom. "You miss me?"

"I did, actually. Everything's ok?" Riley inquired.

"Everything's great."

"What about Faith?" he asked.

"Faith has a won a fabulous trip to England, and I got the consolation prize, which is you." she replied, sliding onto Riley's lap and straddling his waist.

"So I don't have to worry about Faith showing up? Though I have to admit, I was kind of curious to meet her." Faith took Riley's hands in hers and leans back, still straddling him. "Or I was until about 30 seconds ago." he said as Faith sat up. He eyed her up as she ran her hands over his body.

"Oh, you wouldn't have liked Faith. She's not proper and joyless, like a girl should be. She has a tendency to give in to her animal instincts." Faith replied kissing Riley and nipping at his lip. Riley was stunned. He wasn't sure what had gotten into Buffy but he knew he liked it. He had been waiting to do this with her since he'd first realized he'd like her.

"Door's open." he told her looking past her head to the direction of the door.

"So?" She didn't care.

"So my fantasies don't tend to include a bunch of marines staring in at me."

"Oh, maybe they could learn something." Faith moved in and kissed him again before he got up and walked to the door, clutching his left arm on the way.

"You're hurt." Faith noted.

"Ahh, um, not that bad, actually. I guess the, uh, drugs the professor gave me really did make me stronger. I'm healing pretty quick." he said shrugging.

"Maybe we should take you for a test drive." Faith crawled on the bed and spread out her limbs.

"I wouldn't say no. " he told her, walking forward.

"So...how do you want me?" Faith asked as Riley turned away towards the window. Oh he wanted her. Anyway. Every way.

"How do I?" he quipped.

"Yeah. What do you wanna do with this body? What nasty little desire have you been itching to try out? Am I a bad girl? Do you wanna hurt me?"

"What are we playing at here?" he asked, sitting beside her.

"I'm Buffy."

"Ok. then I'll be Riley."

"Well, if you don't wanna play-" Faith started to get up but Riley gripped her arms.

"Right. I don't wanna play." he replied holding her gently as he kissed her.

Later in the night Riley looked down at Faith and whispered in her ear. "I love you."

"Ugh Get off. No. No. No! Get-get off! No. Off me. Get off. No, no-o. G-get" Faith shouted wriggling out from under Riley.

"Buffy...What? What's wrong?" he asked confused. What was with her?

"Who are you? What do you want from h-her?" Faith questioned. What were his motives? He wanted something. Love? No. Doesn't exist. Just lust.

"Should I not have...?"

"This is meaningless." she stated. It was. Just one night. That's it. That'd how it always is.

"You're shaking." Riley got up and wrapped the sheet around Faith. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Nothing." Faith replied as she snuggled against Riley's chest. Forget it. Back at the warehouse where the council members were keeping Buffy, she overhears the men's conversation.

"They can't get us passage. They've ordered the kill." Weatherby stated as screwed a silencer onto a pistol.

"Torch the place?" Weatherby suggested.

"Get the gas." Collins commanded.

"She could've killed me. She didn't." Smith mused as he rubbed his neck, remembering his encounter with Buffy just a few short minutes ago.

"Lucky you." Collins stuck the gun in the truck but buffy grabbed the pistol and his hands with her feet and pulled him into the truck hard enough to stun him before he could react. Buffy pulled the gun to her hands and shot at thel ocks keeping her bound.

"Weatherby!" Smith shouted as Buffy shoots a lock and smashes into the driver's area

"Keys, keys." Buffy chanted as she searched the truck.

"Stop her, you ponce. "

Buffy found the keys and shoved them into the ignition. Weatherby came by her door and she threw it open knocking him out.

"Ok, I'm good at this." she said smiling as she shifted gears. "Ooh, drive." Smith and Collins attempt to shoot at Buffy but she quickly drove through the wall and out into the streets of Sunnydale.

Spike was in his crypt pacing back and forth. Something didn't feel right. He'd seen Buffy at the bronze last night and she wasn't her usual self. He knew their was something off but he just didn't know what. He decided to go to Giles. Maybe he'd know what to do. Spike grabbed his blanket and set off towards Giles place.

Buffy barged through Giles front door.

"Giles!" Buffy shouted.

"God!" Giles exclaimed as he set down the plates and cups in his hands.

"Don't move. Ok, Giles, you have to listen to me very carefully. I'm not Faith." Buffy tried to tell him, her arms raised.

"Really?" he asked. Buffy nodded and he just started to move away. "Cause the resemblance is striking."

"I know. Giles, you just have to... Stop inching. you were inching."

"Look, I-I know what you're going to say, and-and uh-"

"I'm Buffy."

"All right, I didn't know what you were going to say, but that doesn't make you any less crazy."

"Faith switched. I mean, she had some device. She switched our bodies. Giles, I swear it's me." Buffy told him, running a hand through her hair.

"U-um, if-if you are Buffy, then,uh, then you'll let me tie you up w-without killing me - until we find out whether you're telling the truth."

"Giles, Faith has taken my body, and for all I know, she's taken it to Mexico by now. I-I don't have time for bondage fun. Ask me a question. Ask me anything."

"Who's president?" Giles asked head high.

"We're checking for Buffy, not a concussion." Buffy told him, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, yes, Alright. um... "

"Giles, you turned into a demon, and I knew it was you. I mean can't you just look in my eyes and be all intuitive?" Buffy pleaded. How could he not know? Well okay she knew how he couldn't but...still.

"How did I turn into a demon?" Giles asked, eye brows raised.

"Oh, cause, uh, Ethan Rayne. And-and you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school, which is valid lifestyle wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker type, but... Oh, oh! when I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. What? Do you want me to continue?"

"Actually, I beg you to stop."

"What's a stevedore?" she asked curiously.

"Alright, let's- um, I need you to explain everything."

"And I will, after we get Faith." Buffy said nodding as Willow and Tara ran through Giles' front door.

"Giles!" Willow shouted.

"Will." Buffy said cautiously

"Oh, my god."

"Willow, wait. you don't understand."

"You're Buffy. You and Faith switched bodies, probably through a Draconian Katra spell." Willow said dismissively.

"She understands it better than I do." Giles mumbled to himself. She was advancing so fast.

"How did you?" Buffy asked amazed.

"Tara. Tara, this is Buffy, only really this time." Willow said gesturing towards Buffy in Faith's body.

"Hi." Tara smiled.

"Tara's a really powerful witch." Willow gushed, explaining the reason they knew.

"Not really."

"No, really. She knew right away that you weren't you. So we connected with the nether realms to find out what happened. And we conjured this." Willow told them holding up a small box, glowing green.

"What is- ?"

"It's a Katra. Or the home-conjured version. It-it should switch you back, if you can get a hold of Faith."

"Oh, thank God."

"Giles!" Spike shouted as he ran through the front door dropping his blanket as soon as the door was closed. "Giles something isn't right, I talked to Buffy and-" Spike immediately shut up and his gaze met Buffy's. "Faith?"

Alright now he was confused.

"Hey Spike." Willow said waving.

"It's me Spike. Buffy." she said to him, throwing her arms up in mock surrender.

"Her and Faith switched bodies and now Faith is in Buffy's body and Buffy's in Faith's body." Willow shrugged.

"Well bugger. That explains a lot." he said thinking back.

"Why what happened?" Buffy asked her eye brows raised. What did Faith do? Buffy shuddered in anger. She could have done alot. The phone ringing interrupted her musings and Spike as he was about to answer her.

"I'll get it." Giles told them. "Hello."

"Does anyone know where Faith is?" Buffy asked, deciding to find out whatever Faith did later. She needed to concentrate on getting her body back before Faith ran off with it. Everyone nodded and Buffy let a curse word slip. Damn it.

"Oh yes, uh, Buffy's here with uh, me. Actually, she-she's uh Oh, all right." Giles set down the phone and picked up his remote. "Xander. Apparently there's a report on the television."

"...and barricaded themselves in the church with at least 20 parishioners. One of the few who escaped described the three men as frighteningly disfigured, almost inhuman. So far, one escapee has since died of severe neck wounds." the announcer said as Faith stopped to listen before boarding a plane across town. "There is no report on the condition of the parishioners still trapped inside, but their assailants have vowed to kill all of them if police attempt to storm the church."

Faith looked down at the floor and back up to the screen before racing out of the airport and to the church. She wasn't about to let some vampires kill those people.

"Buffy." Riley said as Faith ran up to him.

"How many are in there?" she asked seriously.

"We think there's three."

"I can do three." she replied nodding.

"Not alone. Look wait for the troops to get here. They're still mobilizing."

"How did you respond so fast?"

"I didn't. I was just late for church." Riley told her shrugging.

"Look, when the troops get here, send 'em in, but I'm going."

"I don't want you risking-" Riley tried as he tugged at her arm.

"Don't tell me what to do! I'm Buffy. I have to do this."

"Then I'm coming with." he replied. Faith took her finger and poked him near his wound. "Ow!"

"I can't use you. someone comes out, you get 'em to safety. Unless they've got fangs." Faith told him before dashing inside.

"I told the cops, they send any one in, I start the whole massacre thing." The main vampire stated.

"Well, I'm not the cops. I just come to pray."

"Now's a good time to start." he said smiling.

"You're _not _gonna kill these people." Faith sneered at the vamp.

"Why not?"

"Because it's wrong." she replied before sending the vampire behind her crashing into the column across the church.

"You're the slayer." he stated. She didn't look so tough.

"The one and only."

Giles has just parked the armored truck that Buffy stole from the , Tara and Faith jumped out of the back as the truck came to a screeching halt outside the church.

"You people, get out of here!" The police officer shouted. There were already enough people surrounding the place.

"We've gotta get inside."

"The police are handling this. Just back off right now." he told them. Why is that people neve have faith in us police officers? Always trying to play the hero, these people.

"But we can't, we've gotta, Y- you don't understand." Tara pleaded.

"Listen you have to clear the area." he told them as Buffy and Giles exchanged glances.

"Damn it, man, we have to get inside." Giles yelled, distracting the officer as Buffy moved out of sight and ran for the church's entrance. "Our, um, uh uh families are in there. Our, um, mothers and-and tiny, tiny babies."

"You think we're afraid of you? We're not afraid Of anything anymore." the vampire said confidently as him and Faith faced off.

"Then let all these people go, and all three of you can take me on."

"Heh. I got a better idea." he told her smiling as he took a swing at Faith. She dodged his punch and hit him in the stomach, backhanding his face and kicking him in the waist, sending him sprawling across the floor. Another vamp comes up from behind her and she stakes it, leaving the third vampire in the group running.

The last vampire broke the stake loose from Faith's grip and threw her back pinning her against the pew.

"I have strength you couldn't dream of. Adam has shown me the way, and there is nothing -aah."

He turned to dust leaving a pissed off Buffy behind it. She looked down at Faith and she attacked her before she got a chance to do anything.

They exchanged punches and Faith attacked frenetically. In Buffy's body she was slightly quicker getting the best of Buffy and knocking her to the ground.

"You can't win this." Buffy shouted as she got up and delivered a few uppercuts.

"Shut up! Do you think I'm afraid of you?" Faith exclaimed grabbing Buffy and throwing her down. "You're nothing. Disgusting. Murderous bitch. You're nothing. You're disgusting. " Faith shouted at herself as she punched Buffy who was wearing Faith's face. Buffy grabbed Faith's hand to stop a punch and their hands began to glow white. Buffy was finally back in her body and she stumbled backwards as their hands separated.

The real Faith jumped up and ran off while Buffy just watched her in stunned silence.

"She's gone. not a trace. Giles said the council guys have cleared out, too." Buffy told Riley as she paced in his dorm room.

"I don't understand. how could she have... I mean, how's it possible?" Riley stammered. How could she have been _in_ Buffy's body?

"Magic." she replied sitting down on the edge of his bed.

"There was something. I should've picked up on it. I should've just…" he said, thinking about all the things he did with Faith in Buffy's body. Riley looked away, not meeting Buffy's eyes.

"You slept with her." Buffy realized her eyes widening. Oh god.

"I slept with you." Riley said looking down. He slept with me, my body. Without my permission. He touched me without me even knowing. Oh god. Buffy stood up and sighed.

"Man, would I like to get my hands on her. Not in a sex way." Riley said angrily. She had tricked him. Buffy hadn't wanted him.

"I don't think she's coming back." Buffy stated remembering her words.

"Guess she's had her fun." he said sighing and twisting his fingers.

"Yeah. Fun. I better get going." she said quickly before picking up her jacket and leaving. She couldn't be around him. Not after what him and faith did together. _What Faith did with him in _my _body. _She couldn't help but shiver in disgust She felt violated and dirty knowing where it had been. Who knows what else Faith did? Which reminded her of Spike. They had obviously talked, Spike ad even said he knew something was off. She wanted to know how he knew. How he knew and Riley didn't.

With in a few minutes she was on her way to his crypt, the sun glaring against her got to the door and knocked a few times before she heard a muffled 'come in'. She walked through the door and searched but didn't see any trace of Spike.

"Down here!" he hollered from the lower level as if reading her mind. She walked over to the latter and made her way down to find Spike throwing a t-shirt on. "Hey pet."

"Hey Spike."

"What brings you to my lovely abode at- well when the sun is up?"

"I just got back from Riley's." she told him, but immediately regretted it as a growl slipped past his lips. She forgot how much he hated Riley. "I was wondering what did Faith say to you? Or do to you?" she asked desperately taking a few steps towards him. Buffy didn't know exactly why but she couldn't stand the idea of Faith getting her hands on Spike.

"Not much." he said his eyes softening. Something was bothering her. "Why did she do something?"

"She- she slept with Riley…" Buffy spat. She was still feeling strange about the whole thing. "Its just I feel so weird. He touched me, my body and I wasn't even there. He could have done whatever he wanted. He did and I couldn't stop him…" she trailed off wincing at the mental picture. The weird thing was she barely even cared about the fact that Faith did it with _Riley_. It was what she might have done with Spike that was really bothering her.

Spike looked into her eyes and could see the revulsion. The way she flinched at the thought of Riley's hands on her. And he wanted to rip the boy's throat.

"Did she- did she do anything to you? How did you know?" Buffy asked, her eyes meeting his as she struggled to keep her voice even.

"Nothing like you're thinking." he assured her, pulling her into the haven of his arms. "The way she talked to me, the way she acted. I could tell it wasn't you." Spike told her as he stroked her hair. "Nothing could ever come close to you." he whispered softly.

Buffy shivered against him and let out a sigh of relief as she melted against his body. She didn't understand how Spike could have such an effect on her. How he could make her feel the way she did. He gripped her tighter, breathing her in as she took comfort in his touch. And for the moment she didn't care that he was a vampire or how wrong it was supposed to be and just took solace in the confines of his cool embrace.


	18. Party

So here's chapter eigteen everbody. Hope you like this one. Don't forget to review. And Thanks again Sakura1120 for pointing out a mistake of mine. Glad you helped me catch it. Thank you for reading. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Eighteen: Party

Buffy sighed as her and Spike patrolled in Rest field. The night had been completely dead so far. Pun completely intended.

She hadn't spoken to Riley since last week when Jonathan casted some kind of glamour spell leaving everyone in Sunnydale fawning all over him. She had gone along with the whole thing for a while until something, call it slayer's intuition, told her that whole reality was fake. Eventually they'd gotten out of it and Jonathan apologized but it had been majorly awkward between Riley and her.

She knows its not his fault he slept with Faith and truth be told that's not even the real reason she's avoiding him. She just doesn't know how to tell him she's not interested anymore. He's a nice guy and all but she just isn't attracted to him like she was in the beginning. Spike on the other hand was a different story. She was more attracted to him then she'd ever been. After telling him about Faith and Riley she'd stayed at his crypt for a little while before he decided to go on patrol with her, which had become a daily routine with them.

They'd even stopped by her mom's a couple times to say hi. Buffy had been trying to visit more often since the whole Faith fiasco because if Faith was right about something it was that she hadn't visited a lot. They'd went over and her mom had been so happy. Glad that she had a helping hand, especially because it was Spike. She made cookies and hot chocolate and the three of them wound up talking all night. She hated to admit it but her and Spike have been spending a lot of time together. Time no one knew about.

And surprisingly she liked it. She knew she shouldn't but she did. Spike had become such a presence in her life, she really wouldn't know what to do with her time if he wasn't there. They never did any thing special. Just patrolled together even ran into each other at the bronze a few times. It was nice having some kind of constant in her life. She knew it was a fine line but she didn't care. She also knew it was wrong to feel the way she did but as long as she wasn't actually acting on those feelings it wasn't wrong right?

Just when she was about to offer Spike the night off, a vampire came from behind them and she began fighting it. Spike took over and threw it over his head and Buffy raised her crossbow to fire when a demon came up along side the vampire and helped him up before knocking Spike out of the way.

Buffy delivered a few punches and kicks before backing up to regroup.

"Okay, you get Fang, I'll get Horny." Buffy told Spike. He looked at her eye brows raised and a grin spread across his taut lips. She blushed and looked away. "I mean…"

The demon charged at her and Spike moved in and took the vampire out, while she finished off the demon.

"Whoo! Vampire-demon tag team. Who says we can't all get along?" she quipped brushing the hair out of her eyes.

"Hm that's unusual. Haven't seen that before."

"It never happened." Buffy said shrugging. "You vamps ... hate demons …" Spike ambled towards her, checking for any injuries or what not. "Like stripes and polka dots. Major ... Clashing." she continued as he moved his hands onto her arms. "So, uh ... I guess we should tell Giles about this."

"Guess so." he replied his hand rubbing up and down her arms.

"I mean it's the kind of thing he'd wanna know about." she rambled.

"Uh-huh."

"Like, as soon as possible."

"As soon as possible." he agreed nodding as she pulled away from him to sit on a grave stone. Damn. Now he couldn't touch her.

"You know I think it can wait." she paused. "Can I ask you a question?" She wasn't sure where the sudden impulse came from but she was interested in Spike. He was so different from any vampire she'd ever met, she wondered about what he liked and who he used to be before he became a creature if the night.

"Anything, pet."

"I know this is kind of random but I want to know…" she stopped, rethinking her question. He looked at her suspiciously and tilted his head in curiosity. "Tell me about you." she said simply.

Buffy Summers truly was an enigma. Every time Spike thought he had her figured out, she went and did something completely out of character and it starting the whole process over again. This being one of those times. _Me? She wanted to know about me. _Why?

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Tell me about William." she replied fixing her gaze on his.

Spike sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about William. The man he used to be. Before Dru. But he couldn't say no to the beautiful girl before him.

"What do you want to know?" he asked wary.

"What were you like? Did you have family?" she wondered eagerly. He was surprised at her enthusiasm. And was curious as to where the inquisitiveness came from.

"That's more then one question." she just rolled her eyes at his pathetic attempt at stalling. "I was a pathetic sod is what I was." he said gritting his teeth. He couldn't believe he was telling her this. No one knew much about who he was, besides Dru but only because she could see things, not because he told her. "And I had my mum. That's it really. My dad left before I was even old enough to remember him. No brothers, no sisters. Just me and mum." he replied as he was hit with a wave of nostalgia.

There was a beat of silence and Spike looked towards Buffy who was fiddling with her fingers with that look of concentration on her adorable face.

"Any past times?" she questioned.

_Oh yeah, I had a big one. _"I uh- wrote poetry." he told her looking away from her face. He shouldn't have said anything.

"Wow." she stated. He cringed, waiting for the jokes but they never came. "Do you- remember anything… that you wrote?"

"All of it." he confirmed.

"Tell me one." she pleaded. She wanted to hear something he wrote from his heart. Something sweet and geniune.

"I don't think-"

"Please?" she asked suddenly. He looked at her and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Erm alrigh'" he replied nervously swallowing the lump in his throat. "_My soul is wrapped in harsh repose, midnight descends in raven-colored clothes, but soft...behold! A sunlight beam cutting a swath of glimmering heart expands,' Tis grown a bulge in it, inspired by your beauty... Effulgent."_

"That was…That was beautiful Spike." Buffy said smiling. She would have never guessed he was so deep, at least when he was human. "It was for a girl. Wasn't it?"

"Yes. I wrote it the same night I met Dru." he told her as the alley way in which he was turned swam before him. "She found me in an alley, upset over the girl I'd written that poem for. Changed me right then and there."

"And you stayed with Drusilla, Angel, and Darla?" She wondered what it was like back then.

"For a while. But um me and Angelus didn't always get on so well. So there were times when we split up. Just me and Dru while Angelus and Darla stuck together."

"Do you miss her?"

"Darla? No I never liked her. Stupid bint is what she was. Always bossing me around just because she sired my sire's sire. Thought she was all special because she was part of the bloody order." he told her scoffing.

"I meant Drusilla." she said softly. "Wait what order?"

"Yeah, Order of Aurelius. It was a vampire type cult thing. The master was part of it, well before you killed him and all." Spike said to her. "And yeah I used to every once in while. Not as of late though."

"Oh. Why is that?"

"I've moved onto better things." he replied shrugging. "So why the sudden interest in my life, love?" he asked.

"It's just… Angel."

Spike threw her an angry look and she sighed.

"What I mean is. I never really knew anything about him. Angel knew everything about me but he never told me anything about him, except for the fact he had a soul, he used to be evil, and he loved me. There wasn't much I knew about him."

"Peaches doesn't know real love. With the soul or without one. You know that better then anyone."

Buffy was brought back to the time of Angelus. When he'd become evil after the night they spent together. She shuddered at the memories that were coming back. Sketches of her and her mom. Willow's fish. Jenny Calendar. No she didn't want to go there.

"Well I better get going."

"Alrigh' goodnight, Slayer."

"Night Spike."

On her way back to her dorm she practically ran right into Riley. Coincidence?

"Hey Buffy. I was just about to patrol."

"Oh hey Riley."

"Look I was wondering…the boys are having a party at our place tomorrow night and I wanted to know if you and the scoobies wanted to come. I know we haven't seen much of each other lately so I thought maybe we could hang out. If you're not patrolling… and if you're worried were sending out a reserve team while we're having the party." Riley babbled.

Buffy thought about it. Yeah. She would go to the party. It'd be perfect. She'd go to the party and forget all about Spike and how much she wanted him.

"We'd love to." she replied a smile plaster to her face.

"Uh okay. Great! I'll see you there." he replied enthusiastically before heading back towards campus.

The next morning Buffy went to Giles and told him about her patrol. Excluding the with Spike part - even though it was the highlight of her night.

"There's always been great discord between them. And yet you say that the, the vampire went to the demon's aid. The two of them were working as a team?"

"Everything except giving each other little pats on the behind."

"Extraordinarily odd. As a rule, demons ... have no empathy for any of the species other than their own. In fact, most think of vampires as ... abominations. Mixing with human blood and all."

"So ... what brought these two together?" Willow wondered aloud.

"Adam. I mean think about it. Who better to bring together a bunch of ... demon types than someone who's made out of a ... bunch of demon types?"

"So he's, um, bridging the gap between the races." Tara offered.

"Huh, like Martin Luther King." Willow put together. Giles just raised his eyebrows at her skeptically and she shrugged.

"Um, I suggest that, uh, over the next several nights, you concentrate your patrol in that same area. If there's any other peculiar pairings or groupings, you let me know." Giles instructed.

"I will. I'll let the squad know as well. They're patrolling tonight so we can go to the party."

"Party?" he asked frowning.

"Tonight. Riley and his friends are having this thing." Buffy shrugged.

"At a time like this? Who, well, whose idea was that?"

"I'm guessing riley. Everyone's so wound up. He probably thought they needed a break. Plus I promise to do a quick sweep afterwards."

"Point taken." Giles obliged.

"You can come if you want."

"Well, much as I, uh, long for a good kegger, I have other plans. The Espresso Pump."

"Okay. See you guys later. Got class."

The day went by quick and spike found himself outside the bronze waiting for passer Byers so he could scare someone out of there money…seeing as he couldn't do anything else. It was bloody difficult getting by when you can't hit anybody. Before he knew it there was a girl rounding the corner and he jumped out at her causing her to scream. She looked up at him and he noticed it was Anya. The whelp's girl.

"Oh, it's you." he said before slipping into his human visage.

"Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high." Anya complained.

"Hey! Yeah, I did. I scared you. Gimme money." he demanded moving close to her.

"I'm not paying you for scaring me." she replied pushing him away.

"You're not paying me. I'm robbing you."

"Oh, well now that's just ludicrous. You can't hurt me because you've got that chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is... when it's mine." she told him starting to leave. He growled before spinning her back around. "Oh, now come on. You're not even bumpy any more."

"Oh." he said touching his forehead with his fingers. "I was just a minute ago. Hang on. Get me mad again."

"Does this really work? Scaring people into giving you their money?"

"Yeah, it works. Keeps me in blood and beers. Plus, you know, funny. Watching those little humans quail." he told her grinning.

"I'm beginning to understand why you're so friendless."

"Look who's talking! I don't see droopy boy on your arm. Did he have better things to do?"

She glared then sighed.

"Boy, I miss those powers." she said longingly as her and Spike sat together in the bronze.

"Yeah, tell me about it." he sighed taking a sip from his beer.

"A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler."

"You know ... you take the killing for granted. And then it's gone, and you're like, 'I wish I'd appreciated it more.' Stopped and smelled the corpses, you know?"

"Yeah. Now everything's complicated."

You got that right.

"It's a terrible thing, love is. I been there myself before. It ended badly."

And the whole thing with Buffy. He wanted her so bad. She just won't have him.

"Of course it did. It always does. Seen a thousand relationships. First there's the love, and sex, and then there's nothing left but the vengeance. That's how it works."

"You and I ... should just go do the vengeance. Both of us! You eviscerate Xander, and I'll stake Dru. Like a project." Spike said smiling.

"I don't know. I just can't." she sighed. "You can go do Dru though."

"Yeah. I will. Maybe later."

"Hey you wanna go to a party?" Anya asked him. Spike just grimaced. He was in no mood to party. "Free Booze."

"Let's go." he said immediately. He needed something to get Buffy off his mind.

"Hey ... I know these guys from somewhere." Spike exclaimed as Anya and him walked through the front door of Riley's dorm.

"Initiative soldiers, they live here. Experiments happen in the lab under the house. It's where they kept you, put in your chip. Let's have fun!" she said grabbing his arm.

"What are you doing? You brought me _here_?" he seethed.

"Anya? What are you doing? You brought _him _here?" Xander yelled at the sight of Spike and Anya.

"That's what _I _said! Only I hit the 'here' part." Spike grumbled.

"Anya, this is crazy. We had a little fight. It just means that we have to work our way through some stuff. It doesn't mean that we rebound with the evil undead. And what have we been doing with him anyway?"

"Oh, who's the puffed-up manly man? All splotchy and possessive. It's not very convincing, is it?" Spike said laughing. "Yeah. I see now what you said about him earlier. No follow-through."

"Spike?" Buffy asked a wave of jealousy washing over her at his appearance with Anya on his arm.

"Hey! What a surprise! Hostile 17!" Xander yelled loud enough for some soldiers to hear. Spike put his hands up, telling him to shut up. "Can I get you a drink, Hostile 17?"

"Xander, stop!" Buffy shouted at him, her anger bubbling to the surface. Xander turned to her in shock. Again the question that keeps coming up. Why did she care? She just shook her head and walked away tears boiling in her eyes. She was furious, beyond measure. And she didn't know why. But however pissed off she may be, she couldn't bare the thought of the Initiative finding out Spike was there.

"Well I'm going to find the liquor." Spike said quickly leaving Anya and Xander in a stare off as he raced off to look for Buffy.

He searched the house before he finally found her outside pacing in front of a tree not too far from the frat house.

"Buffy.."

He stared at her as she clenched her fists and turned her face from him. He was causing this irrational anger. At one time he would have been glad but now it just made him feel sick and confused.

God. How was it possible he could do this to her? He'd tried to kill her more times then she could even count. She should hate him. Instead she wanted to...to what? She wasn't even sure. And why had she gotten so mad at the sight of him and Anya? Together.

"Buffy please. What's wrong?" he pleaded softly as she slid to the ground. She was beautiful when she was angry.

"Just stop." she told him harshly.

He was about to reply when an ear piercing scream, that sounded a lot like Willow, came from inside the house. Buffy jumped to her feet and ran back into the building Spike in tow. They got inside and found a disheveled Willow at the foot of the stairs calling out for Xander and Tara.

"Will. What's wrong?" Buffy asked her, going into slayer mode.

"Buffy. Ghost boy. Drowning in a tub. I, I tried to save him, but, being a ghost already, well, I was way too late." she replied frantically.

"A ghost?" Spike questioned as Tara joined them.

"Tara, how are you?" Willow questioned as Tara squeezed her arm.

"I'm okay, but ... I, I don't like it here. This house ... I, I think we should go." she insisted. Something didn't seem right. They all turn around and saw the glass bottle the other kids were using to play spin the bottle explode and shards of glass splintered into flesh and wood. Others were making out like nothing was wrong.

"We need to get Anya and Xander." Willow told them.

"Where are they?" Within seconds they were climbing the stairs up to one of the soldier's rooms. "Xander? Anya?" Buffy called out as she pounded her fist against the closed door.

"Looks like they made up huh?" Spike asked grinning as him and the other's listened to their panting and moaning. He knew Anya couldn't stay away from the whelp for long. She had a soft spot for him.

Suddenly, sharp spiny thorns, with green leaves, sprouted from the cracks of the door. Spike grabbed Buffy before they could reach.

"Xander!" Willow screamed as the door was consumed in vines.

"We gotta get them outta there." Buffy commanded as she moved in to start ripping down the foilage.

"Well, this party's starting to liven up after all." Spike said as they all looked over the balcony at the thorns shooting up from the ground.


	19. Where The Wild Things Are

Here's chapter nineteen. Thanks for reading. Don't forget to leave a review.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Nineteen: Where The Wild Things Are

Buffy and the others ran down the stair well and into the front yard, stopping a few yards from the front door.

"Xander and Anya. There still In there. What do we do?"

"Somebody's gotta go back in there. Who's with me?" Buffy asked looking at the faces before her. Willow and Tara hesitated before Spike spoke up.

"I am." Spike said firmly.

They all looked at him clearly stunned at his willingness to participate. Especially to help Xander.

"I know I'm not the first choice for heroics ...and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once. And, I don't fancy a single one of you at all. But…" his eyes fell on Buffy. "I'll help."

Buffy nodded before motioning him to follow her in. She opened the front door to the frat house, quietly sneaking in before an invisible force knocked her and Spike back outside into some bushes, out of Willow and Tara's line of sight. Tara hurriedly shut the front door and waited with Willow as Buffy and Spike tried to untangle themselves. Buffy was on top of Spike and as he wrapped his hands around her waist trying to pull free. Her hands found their way to his chest and she blushed before pulling herself off him and stepping out of the bushes, brushing leaves and debris off her clothes.

"We'll, we'll go to Giles'." Willow suggested as she noticed Buffy's annoyed glare directed at the front door.

"No, no, wait, he, he isn't there. He was going to the Espresso Pump." Tara remembered.

"Right, he-he told us not to come. He, he needed some grownup time." Willow said causing Spike's eye brows to raise. Grown up time?

As they approached the coffee shop they caught the sight of Giles on stage through the window. He was playing guitar and singing while the crowd watched.

"No one knows what it's like, To be the bad man, To be the sad man, Behind blue eye, No one knows what it's like, To be hated…" he sang.

"Oh." Buffy muttered awkwardly. Now that was just plain creepy to see _Giles _singing.

"Wow." Willow said in amazement. He was good.

"Does he do this a lot?" Tara questioned as they walked into the coffee shop.

"Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange." Buffy replied distractedly her eyes fixed on her watcher. Did she wake up in an alternate universe or something? Getting jealous of Anya and Spike. Giles singing? Xander and Anya doing... well no that was normal. So she was in her world!

"Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him." Willow told them appreciatively.

"Willow!" Buffy said in shock. Ew! Willow had a crush on Giles? _What universe was I in?_

"Well, he _is _pretty good." Tara agreed.

"Is voice is nice." Buffy admitted as her Willow and Tara watched Giles perform in a trance.

"What?" Spike let out as he stared at the three girls. If they thought the watcher was good, they'd think he was bloody amazing. Buffy seemed to really like it.

"Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy." Willow reasoned. Buffy just grimaced. _Okay that's even creepier_.

Spike just stared down at her, glad Buffy didn't agree. Although if she'd let him, he's sure he could get her to think he was sexy singing. _If only she would let me._ He thought silently. After the song ended they met up with Giles back stage and told him what happened. Soon after they rushed off to the library to research.

"When you called to Xander and Anya, they didn't cry out or, or respond in any way?" Giles asked seriously as they sat in the library surrounded by musty old books.

"No but they're probably too busy doin' it to answer." Buffy said setting the book in her hand down. She never was the researchy type. That was more of a Giles and Willow thing.

"Doing what?" Giles asked puzzled.

"Shagging you git." Spike rolled his eyes and scoffed at Giles flushed expression.

Tara and Willow just looked at each other and laughed while Buffy tried to hold back a smile.

"I didn't think you meant ... In the midst of all that, do you really think they were keeping it up?" Giles rolled his eyes as everyone gave him the are-you serious look accompanied by some smirks. "Oh, for a different phrasing."

"Well, see, that's the thing. People all over the party were starting to act ... Weird. Sexually."

"In what way?" Giles asked curiously.

"You know. Ways." Willow told him embarrassedly as she looked through an old book.

"Well, it could be some form of, uh, succubi, or a satyr's prank. It could even be energy coming from the, the lab underneath the Lowell fraternity."

"It wasn't always a fraternity, look!" she shouted. Everyone gathered around her as she read a passage from the book. "Between 1949 and 1960, the Lowell Home for Children housed upwards of 40 adolescents: runaways, juvenile delinquents, and emotionally disturbed teenagers from the Sunnydale area."

"Children? Did any of them, um, die in there?" Tara probed nervously. If they did it would make sense.

"If there were deaths, then, uh, perhaps we're dealing with a fairly ... standard haunting."

"It doesn't say. It's mostly about the old house director, Genevieve Holt. 'Sunnydale Children's Aid. 30 years of community service. Giving disadvantaged kids the love and care they deserve.'"

"When did she die?" Spike asked.

"She didn't." Everyone got there stuff together and Spike took the sewers and a blanket to Mrs. Holt house.

"We're very sorry to have disturbed you this early, Mrs. Holt." G

iles apologized as she ushered them all into her sitting room.

"No, no, I don't mind at all. I was up. Early morning prayer."

"Of course." Giles nodded. Tara and Willow immediately took a seat as Buffy and Spike looked around.

"And I like talking about my kids." she replied smiling. "I still call them that. My kids."

"I, I suppose you were like a mother to them. You did everything for them?" he asked, sitting on the sofa.

"Oh yes. I fed them clothed them, educated them in the way of the lord. I was given a medal."

"Yes, wonderful. Uh, congratulations. Um, this'll sound a little strange, but, ah, did you notice any odd... disturbances in the house?"

"I don't understand." Mrs. Holt admitted a bit confused.

"We-well, um, like uh, furniture moving of its own accord, or, uh, objects appearing out of nowhere, or, or perhaps you saw someone appear one moment, and then they were gone the next, i-inexplicably."

"Why, that sounds like crazy talk."

"It's not as crazy as you think, lady." Spike said shrugging as he sat down next to Willow, Tara, and Buffy on the couch.

"Yes, it does, doesn't it? Yes. Um... Well, forgive me for, for asking this, but um, the children in your care, were any of them ever ill, or did anything ever happen to any of them?"

"Well, some had the flu and such. No one died, if that's what you mean. The engraving on the medal says how good I was with the children."

"Oh, yes."

"I treated them as I would my own flesh and blood. Gave them hugs and praise when they were good, and ... punished them when they were dirty."

"Well, ah, children will be children. They, you know, they do like to play in the, uh, the muck." Giles said smiling. Mrs. Holt just frowned at him and something clicked.

"You didn't mean mud dirty." Willow realized.

"My kids didn't think I knew, but I did." she said sternly.

"Very, uh, perceptive of you."

"Without me they would have been shut out of the kingdom. Lost to lust." She shook her head in displeasure.

"Nothing wrong with a little lust." Spike said shrugging.

"But you ... helped them." Giles continued ignoring Spike as Mrs. Holt was.

"The girls felt the vanity more than the boys. I'd see them preening like Jezebel. Doting over their pretty hair."

"So you'd hack it off." Buffy said her voice a mixture of anger and shock. The poor little girls getting punished for wanting to look pretty.

"I'd remove the temptation to admire themselves. They were better for it." Mrs. Holt said nodding. Yes remove the temptation.

Buffy just clenched her fists and gritted her teeth.

"What about the bathtub? Something happened there." Willow told her, remembering the ghost.

"I performed baptisms on the most unclean. Those who were tainted with impure thought and deed."

"You held them under?" Giles asked appalled.

"They needed to be reborn. You choose to pass judgment on me?" she screeched as she rose off her seat.

"Well, someone ought to! You traumatized and, and abused these children, children who, who have no doubt become extremely disturbed adults! You have ruined lives, Mrs. Holt. Furthermore, what you did has now manifested itself as a, a malevolent presence which threatens still more lives! You have a great deal to answer for." Giles stood up from the sofa and scowled at the woman before him.

"I refuse to listen to this when I can smell the sin on each and every one of you." she screeched pointing to all of them.

"Yeah? You smell sin?" Spike asked menacingly as he stood up.

"Yes. Especially on you." she said waving her hand towards Spike.

"Oh you don't even know the definition of sin."

"Spike." Buffy warned as she laid a hand on his arm. He immediately relaxed and leaned into her touch. Giles just stared for a moment completely taken aback by Spike's willingness to back down. He quickly shook off the shock and all of them stormed out intent on meeting back at Wllow and Buffy's dorm. Spike and Buffy took the sewers while the rest of the remaining gang went back by car.

"I don't get it. I mean, those kids were tortured, but they weren't killed, so where are those ghosts coming from?" Tara wondered after they got back to campus. What was causing all this supernatural madness?

"I don't believe there are any ghosts." Giles told them as he cleaned off his glasses. They are something completely different.

"It had to be." Willow said shaking her head. What else could it be?

"Not a ghost. An apparition. I believe we're dealing with a kind of poltergeist. A whole cluster of them, in fact, born out of intense adolescent emotion and sexual energy."

"Both of which were totally pent up during Mrs. Holt's reign of repression." Spike added. Only makes sense. You don't get any after all that time somethings bound to happen.

"So with Anya and Xander having ... you know, acts of nakedness, maybe they set something free." Buffy said to them.

"Yes. And now the poltergeists are drawing more and more energy out of them. Feeding on them in fact. Xander and Anya, are powering this whole thing."

"Okay, they're the battery, so what happens when the battery's drained?" Spike thought aloud.

"They die." Giles replied gravely.

"Okay well we have to do something." Buffy said digging through her weapons chest.

"We'll bind the spirits long enough for you to get Xander and Anya out." That way they wont have to deal with the apparations.

"How much time will you buy us?" Spike asked as he walked over to Buffy's side. He wasn't about to let her go in alone.

"Could be tricky, we're calling upon the communal spirit of a certain time and place." But maybe just enough time

Buffy grabbed a sword and handed Spike a machete and his blanket before they set out towards the Lowell house.

"House is clean." Spike said to Buffy before they went through the front door.

"Let's go then." she replied nodding as they made their way towards the stairs, which were covered in vines.

"We need to work fast. Never know how long before the ghosts feel like making a surprise visit." he suggested.

"Or the human battery goes out."

"Watch your fingers." Spike warned as they hacked their way through the vines. Suddenly the house was filled with a gusting wind that almost knocked them off their feet. The children's screams were echoing through the house.

"Buffy!" Spike yelled as the vines grabbed her and threw her into the bathroom, the door slamming behind her. "Buffy!" Spike ran to the door and twisted the knob. He's thrown back, through the balcony railing and down to the floor below.

In the bathtub, Buffy was being held underwater by unseen hands, struggling. Through the water she could see the children standing over her, watching as she was drowned. She thrashed against the water trying her hardest to break free.

Spike jumped up and fought his way back upstairs/ On his way up a huge thorn suddenly sprouted from the vine his hand was resting on. The thorn went right through the middle of his hand and he screams.

"Bloody hell!" He pulled the thorn out and continued up the stairs until Spike kicked down the door and pulled Buffy out of the water. They busted out of the bathroom and into the hall where there are more vines sprouting.

"Come on, we just gotta-" Spike was knocked down by a vine and thrown a few feet down the hallway.

"Spike!" Buffy yelped as she ran over to him and helped him to his feet. They push through more vines until they were a few feet away. Just as they edged towards the door a vine constricted itself around Buffy's body. "Spike, get it off!"

He unwrapped her and they clutch each other as they make their way to the door. Buffy reached out and twisted the knob throwing the door open and stumbling inside. The howling noises finally subdued.

Xander and Anya looked up from each other towards the door where a very disheveled Spike and Buffy stood.

"Buffy! Don't you knock?" Xander asked embarrassed while Anya just grinned.

Buffy just sighed before her and Spike made their way outside and back to her dorm. After everyone found out Xander and Anya were safe, they left to do whatever it is they do after an apocalypse or some battle with the big bad, leaving Buffy and Spike alone in her dorm room.

"Thanks. For helping." Buffy said awkwardly as she sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Yeah. No big deal." he shrugged before walking over to her and sitting down next to her. "About earlier…"

"Forget it." she replied, forcing a smile on her face.

"You know that Anya she's a nice bird." Buffy turned to him a questioning look accompanied by a wow-are-you-serious? "I just ran into her and she talked to me about the whelp. Told me there was a party somewhere. Free booze. Didn't even tell me we were going to the soldier boy's headquarters."

Well the whole explanation did make her feel a little better.

"You wanna patrol?" she asked suddenly. There wasn't much to do so why not? At least that way she would have something to distract her from what she wanted to do to Spike. He just nodded and they left for restfield in companionable silence, atleast for a few seconds.


	20. Oz

Okay so this chapter was just finished and don't hate me if there are mistakes. I just wanted to get it up as soon as possible. So here we are chapter 20. I want to thank everyone for keeping with this. I really appreciate all the feedback i've been getting. It makes me smile. So keep it up and i'll keep up the fast updates. Thanks again for reading and don't forget to leave reviews!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Twenty: Oz

"Patrol's been completely uneventful. My kill counts went way down." Buffy said sadly as her and the scoobies, plus two congregated in Giles apartment. It was Tara's first Scooby meeting and Riley was there for… updates and information on Adam.

"She mean's there's been less bad guy activity." Willow whispered to Tara. She just nodded in understanding.

"Well we know what that often indicates." Giles reached into his pantry and retrieved a bowl and some chips to set out.

"Buffy doesn't make her quota. Bad slayer!" Xander furrowed his eyebrows and shook his finger at Buffy in mock sternness.

"Well, I wish it were that innocuous, but with Adam around, I feel he's involved somehow."

"When things get slow. That means evil's brewing." Willow said to Tara, who nodded mutely.

"Except the weird thing is, we've been busy at the Initiative. Our squads are pulling a lot more captures. We got demons coming out of our ears." Riley told them complacently.

"That's a metaphor." Willow explained.

"Thanks, I got it." Tara smiled as Willow's face turned red.

"I'm over helping aren't I?" she asked sheepishly. Tara just laughed and the others joined in.

"So the activity's shifted but not stopped. That's fascinating." Giles said offering the bowl to Willow who declined it. He took a seat as his desk and began to eat.

"To an extremely boring person, maybe." Anya said shrugging. Giles just looked at her, annoyed as she and everyone else got up. "Well that was a thrilling hour."

"You know, I really don't appreciate your snide remarks, Anya." Giles replied as he too rose off his seat. Xander and Anya exchanged a look of surprise as Giles pressed on. "Now I have a great deal of experience in these matters and if I say that there is a matter of import brewing I-I-" Giles realized no one was listening because their eyes were fixed on the door. He turned around and found Oz in the doorway, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Hey." he said awkwardly.

"Oz." Willow choked out. He was there. Really there.

"Oz." Tara confirmed. This was the infamous Oz.

"When, when did you get back?" Willow asked surprised. Buffy looked over at Willow concerned about her best friends well being. Willow had just started really getting over him and now he was back. Would she be okay with it?

"Pretty much now." he replied in his sarcastic yet undeniably serious tone.

"Oz, man. I hate to sound grandma…but you don't call, you don't write." Xander said as he shook his old friends hand.

"Yeah, Sorry."

"So are you here, or are you just passing through?" Buffy asked him as he stole a glance towards Willow who flinched at Buffy's question.

"Well, um, let's not bombard the poor chap with, questions right off. Can I get you something, um, tea?" Giles asked as he gathered up some cups and brought them into the kitchen.

"I'll pass, thanks."

Riley looked to Buffy for some kind of recognition or anything to shed some light on the situation but she kept her eyes fixed on Oz as he stepped up to Willow.

"Look , I'm going to Devon's to see if he's got a place to crash. But I was hoping we could talk. Later. Tonight." he said to her, the faintest bit of hope in the tone of his voice.

"I guess so." Willow nodded reluctantly.

"I'll come by your place?"

"Okay." she replied. Oz just smiled and turned to the door.

"It's great to see you guys again. Really." he said to them before leaving.

"Everyone's uncomfortable now." Anya stated looking at everyone's faces. Yep. Definitely uncomfortable.

"You okay?" Buffy asked as she touched Willow's arm.

"I-" Willow was trying to get a grip on how she was feeling. Shock. Happiness. Confusion. There were alot of emotions stirring up in that brain of hers.

"I just, um - I realized, um, I'm-I'm late for study group." Tara interrupted as she grabbed her bag.

"Tara wait." Willow called out as she practically ran to the door.

"No, no, it's okay. You-you should be with your friends, and, and I-I should go." Tara replied before taking off.

Buffy met eyes with Willow as she stared towards the door clearly upset. After the metaphorical smoke cleared everyone left Giles in a hurry. Attempting to avoid the emotional torrent that was ready to burst.

Buffy was on a thin line. Oz was her friend. There for all the big bads they went up against while he was in sunnydale. A completely great guy. But then there's the thing with Willow. She's supposed to hate his guts for what he did to Willow. So she was having a hard time dealing. Her and Riley walked back to campus in silence until his curiosity got the better of him.

"So, um, I was missing something, wasn't I? I mean, breakups are tough, but when Oz walked in, it seemed like emotions were running extra high." Riley questioned as they walked under the sun's glaring beams towards campus.

"Oz and Willow had a rough breakup. Some stuff came up, and Oz pretty much bailed overnight. It left Will really devastated." Buffy said biting her lip. Again with the dilemma.

"I remember." Riley remembered when he's first met Willow. How depressed she'd been. She had finally started to get better. It must be hard for her.

"The thing is before that, they were doing great. I mean, she was totally dealing with Oz being a werewolf, it wasn't even-"

"Whoa, wait. Oz is a werewolf, and Willow was dating him?" Riley exclaimed in shock. Willow? With a werewolf? How weird.

"Yes. Hence the high emotions."

"You're kidding me. Gotta say I'm surprised. I didn't think Willow was that kind of girl." Riley's eye brows furrowed and Buffy took the chance to shoot him a glare.

"What kind of girl?" she asked in accusation. What did he mean that kind of girl?

"Into dangerous guys. She seems smarter than that." he replied shrugging. Oh well no big deal. Really changes the perspective but Willow is still Willow.

"Oz is not dangerous. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. God, I never knew you were such a bigot." Buffy replied storming away from him. How could he even-? Dangerous guys? What is that? If he thinks a werewolf is dangerous he must think vampires are even worse. Like Angel. _Or Spike_. Her mind added silently. So she wasn't smart because she loved a vampire?

"Whoa, hey, how did we get to bigot? I'm just saying it's a little weird to date someone who tries to eat you once a month." he told her jogging to catch up with her. Geez, he really struck a nerve.

"Yeah, well love isn't logical, Riley. It's not like you can be Mister Joe Sensible about it all the time. God knows I haven't been.""I'm not talking about you." he said softly reaching to brush his fingers on her jaw line.

"How about we don't talk about this at all? Okay? I gotta go." Buffy huffed before leaving Riley behind his hand still out stretched before him.

She wound up wandering around campus until daylight faded, where she then proceeded to her patrol with Spike.

"You alrigh' love? You look a little-"

"Annoyed?" she interrupted as she twirled her stake. She was itching to kill something, anything at all.

"What is it?" he asked as he lit up a cigarette and blew out a puff of smoke.

"Nothing." she tried to say but his gaze was relentless and she sighed in defeat. "It's Riley. Stupid Riley." she muttered.

"What happened? Do I need to break some fingers?" he offered a little too eager.

"No." she said glaring at him. "It's just Oz is back in town and Riley was being all judgy about him and Willow."

"Ah." He knew would be a touchy subject. She had been with Angel. "Oh wolf boy's back in town? Red taking it well?"

Buffy shrugged.

"What about Cap'n Cardboard? What did he say?"

"Just that he thought Willow wasn't that kind of girl." she sneered. She looked at Spike for a reaction but noticed he was still a little lost.

"What kind of girl?" he asked huskily, noticing the double meaning. His words had obviously affected her and he didn't like that Riley had upset her.

"The one who's into…dangerous guys." Buffy said looking away from Spike. He knew about Angel, but he didn't know about what she was feeling towards him. How she'd always felt. Lust. That was all it was. Since the very beginning. Lust. She always wondered how evil could wear such a handsome face and she found out sometimes that's just how it works. Spike. Angelus. Perfect examples. "He said she seemed _smarter _then that."

Spike just scoffed and flicked his cigarette in the grass. "What did you say to the git?"

"I told him love is blind and you can't chose who you want to be with." she replied meeting his eyes. He took a deep breath and shifted his gaze away from hers. How true he knew that was. You can't chose who you love. He sure as hell didn't. He was a vampire in love with the slayer. If that wasn't blind then he didn't know what was?

"I think we should just take the rest of the night off. Nothing's out and I wouldn't want you to miss passions." Buffy said smiling as she tucked her stake into her leather coat.

Spike just let out a growl before turning and heading back to his crypt without another word. Her mouth fell open as he strode away and before he could get far Buffy was running and she tackled him to the ground.

"Geez. Don't even get a goodbye. That was very rude of you sir." Buffy said in her best impression of a British accent as she straddled him. "Say bye."

She laughed and he let another playful growl slip from his lips before he switched their positions and he was straddling her.

"Fine. G'night Slayer." he said in a sultry tone before hopping off her and striding to his crypt willing himself not to look back. When he got inside he flipped on the TV and watched it without actually listening. He kept replaying her melodic laugh over and over again in his head. Grinning to himself knowing he put that wide smile on her face. Almost kicking himself for leaving. He finally gave up on the TV and decided to get some rest. At least he could touch her in his dreams. He laid down in an attempt to find sleep but less then a minute later he feels someone's hand coming for his throat. He reached up and grabbed the arm hovering over him his eyes still closed.

"From the sound of those massive mud flaps, I'd peg you as a demon. Which means you're in for a world of…" Spike opened his eyes to find Adam. "Pain." he finished lamely.

"Spike, I want you to come with me." Adam beckoned as he stared down at the surprised vampire. If he was to fulfill his mission, he would need the help of this one.

"Do you?" Spike shrugged. "Let's go then." he said before turning to leave. But instead of going he spun around and punched Adam in his stomach. Spike's fist hit the metal with a loud thud, which sent tingles through each one of his fingers.

"Ow." he complained as he shook his hand.

"Come." Adam commanded as he stepped forward and Spike stepped back. "You are going to help me with my problem."

"Why is that exactly?"

"I'm going to help you with yours."

Hm, interesting.

Buffy laid still for a delayed second before jumping up and heading back to the dorm. She got back to find Willow all smiles.

"Hey." Buffy said throwing her jacket into her closet.

"Hey." Willow replied wistfully.

"So spill it. I wanna hear about you and Oz. You saw him, right?"

"I was with him all night." Buffy plopped onto Willow's bed next to her, her eye brows raised.

"All night? Oh my god." Buffy said grinning. "Wait. Last night was a wolf moon, right?"

"Yep."

"Either you're about to tell me something incredibly kinky, or-"

"No kink. He didn't change, Buffy. He said he was gonna find a cure, and he did. In Tibet." Willow told her, still smiling.

"Oh my god. I can't believe it. Okay, I'm all with the woo-hoo here, and you're not." Buffy said frowning. There was something else.

"No, there's 'woo' and, and 'hoo.' But there's 'uh-oh,' and... 'why now?' And... it's complicated."

"Why complicated?"

"It's complicated... because of Tara." Willow said nervously. This was it. She was telling Buffy.

"You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No. Oh! Oh. Um... well... that's great. You know, I mean, I think Tara's a, a really great girl, Will." Buffy said in a peppy tone. She wasn't really sure what to say. Wha tdo you say when you find out your best friend is gay? Congrats?

"She is. And... there's something between us. It-it wasn't something I was looking for. It's just powerful. And it's totally different from what Oz and I have."

"Well, there you go, I mean, you know, you have to - you have to follow your heart, Will. And that's what's important, Will." Buffy shot up off the bed and turned to Willow with false cheer. She was still trying to figure out how she should react, what she should say.

"Why do you keep saying my name like that?" Willow wondered frowning. Buffy was acting, weird.

"Like what, Will?" Buffy questioned innocently a genuine smile planted on her face. So she knew what willow was talking about but she couldn't seem to tone it down.

"Are you freaked?" She looked freaked. Really freaked. Oh god. I shouldn't have said anything.

"What? No, Will, d- No. No, absolutely no to that question. I'm glad you told me. What did you say to Oz?" Buffy sat back down on the bed slowly slipping back into normalcy. She was caught off guard but now it's all good. Love really is blind. Seems to be the lesson of the day.

"I was gonna tell him ... but then we started hanging out, and ... I could just feel everything coming back." Willow sighed and looked into her lap. "He's Oz, you know?" Her first.

"Yeah. I know." Buffy's thoughts flitted to Angel for what seemed the millionth time in the past couple days. She knew how hard it was to let go of the first person you ever loved. She was still doing it. She couldnt sit there and say it was easy nomatter how much the both of them wished it was.

"I don't wanna hurt anyone, Buffy." Willow said fixing her eyes on Buffy, hoping her best friend could help her make the right decision.

"No matter what, somebody's gonna get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest, or it's gonna be a lot worse." Willow nodded, gave Buffy a quick hug and left to find Tara.


	21. New Moon Rising

Okay so I'm sorry for the late-ish update. I usually update super fast but I happen to be visiting family so it came a little late. Please don't minfd any mistakes you find I just really wanted to get this up for my readers. I promise I will go back and fix any errors later. Thank you for reading and please please please dont forget to leave feedback. I really would like to know what you like, what you dont like... Remember reviews make me smile. Well more like grin until I cant feel my face. Haha. THanks for reading and Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Twenty-One: New Moon Rising

"Well, that sounds like… a lot of fun." Spike struggled. This was his only chance. He could kill his third slayer and finally get his chip removed. He could be unrestrained and kill whoever he pleased. He'd be on top again. Respected and feared. Or he could help the slayer and the scoobies take down Adam from the inside. The monster roared in anticipation while the man(?) already knew his choice. Hadn't he already admitted to himself? He was love's bitch. Always have been, always will be.

"You see my problem, though. Total annihilation of the humans doesn't help me. I'll be needing heavy casualties on both sides." Adam pondered as he paced in his lair.

"I get that. I'm still not sure how the Slayer fits in."

"The humans need a leader... a champion. The Slayer can do that." Adam stated, not like he thought it like he knew that she could. And Spike knew it too.

"Yeah... the thing about the Slayer is... she is a whiny little thing, but when it comes to the fighting, she does have a slight tendency to win." Spike said skeptically.

"Then I guess you should be on her side."

Already am, mate. The monster inside him moaned in defeat while Spike kept up the façade.

"This all goes down, the chip comes out, yeah? No tricks."

"Scout's honor." Adam promised.

"_You _were a Boy Scout?" Spike asked in amusement and shock.

"Parts of me." he said shrugging.

Buffy settled down to sleep a little bit after Willow left but was immediately awakened when Willow busted in informing her of Oz's capture from the initiative. She called a meeting and they rushed down to Giles.

"Tara said they took him right before she found me." Willow bit her nails as she paced in worry.

"So that's good, right? I mean, they probably haven't had time to eviscerate him yet." Anya said attempting to reassure her. But it just made Willow freak out even more.

"An, you can help by making this a quiet time." Xander suggested as Anya settled onto his lap.

"Once again we're faced with a fairly daunting prospect of having to infiltrate the Initiative." Giles told them as he took off his glasses and polished them. It had been a reoccuring event. They time and timew again had to get inside for one reason or another.

"It'd be great if we knew someone on the inside. Someone with connections." Xander said grinning as they waited for Buffy to get off the phone. "Oh right. We do."

"He's still not answering his pages. I left him another message." she told them as she slammed the phone down on the receiver.

"So what do we do?" Willow asked urgently. Oz was stuck in the initiative. THey could be doing a number of things to him, they had to act _now_.

"Well, we need to move fast. So we make a plan without Riley...and hope he calls." They're all quiet and Buffy can't help but stare at the phone. It was weird that Riley hadn't called yet. "Something's wrong. Riley usually returns my phone calls by now." she said with concern.

"We can't wait much longer." Xander warned. Buffy looked over at Willow and nodded. Her friend was hurting. And Oz might be too. They had to move.

"Okay. Xander, you and I are gonna go in. We've done it before."

"I'm going with you." Willow chimed in. She'd be damned if she sat back and did nothing.

"No. Look, it's too dangerous, Will. Besides, I need you to help Giles hack into the city's electrical grid. We've gotta try to power down the Initiative." Buffy tried to persuade her.

"Giles can do it without me. I can give him all the instructions, I can show him exactly what to do."

"Of course." Giles agreed quickly. Willow obviously needed to go.

"I-I can't just sit here." she said shaking her head.

"Okay. Okay, you can back us up. Now, the only way I know into the Initiative is through the elevator in the Lowell House. But my clearance is long gone." Buffy told them sighing. They needed a way in.

"So we grab a guy, make him take us." Xander suggested.

"Or you could just use the back way." Spike offered. Everyone turned to face him. "Hell of a lot less bother."

"How did you get in?" Giles asked annoyed. Spike seemed to be an unavoidable plague that spread more and more over their ranks.

"Door was unlocked. You might wanna watch that, Rupert. Someone dangerous could get in." Spike snarked before meeting Buffy's eyes and grinning.

"Or someone formerly dangerous and currently annoying." Xander said pulling Anya closer to him. He was still very on edge around them. Stupid Spike with his blonde hair and blue eyes that women seem to fawn over. Atleast Buffy can see through him.

"Now, now. None of that. Or I won't help you get Red's mongrel back. Bad news travels fast with us demons." he said shrugging. He never really knew Oz but as far as he knew Buffy thought he was nice. Not only that but it was Red. He had been there for him when he lost his bite and Dru. Given he'd tried to kil her, she listened anyway. So he'd help her.

"Short of cash, Spike?" Giles questioned. Why else would Spike volunteer to help?

"I happen to be seeking monetary gratification, yeah. But I also get a kick out of jackin' up those army ginks myself. I know how to find the big guy who can take you to Oz. I also have some important information for you." he said gesturing towards Buffy. She nodded and was about to outline the plan when Xander interrupted.

"Uh-huh. So what's the going rate on a wild goose chase, Spike?" he asked sarcastically. He wasn't about to let Spike play with them. The longer they took the less chance of finding Oz.

"Fine, if you're not interested. But I was stuck in that hole, remember? And I've heard things from other guys who've gotten out. I can get you in. No alarms, no cameras ... no waiting." they just cant except that I'm fully capable.

"We can't trust him." Xander bit out. No they couldnt. He was evil. And dirty and any other bad thing he could think of.

"Yes we can." Buffy said firmly. The scoobies all turned their gaze towards her. All their faces marred by shock, all except Anya and Willow.

"What?" Giles asked in shock. Was his slayer truly saying she trusted Spike.

"We can trust him." she repeated, squaring her shoulders and tensing for the inevitable fight about to unfold. She knew she could trust him and they weren't going to change her mind.

"I don't care. As long as he helps with Oz I'm team Spike here. Can we just get a move on it?" Willow pleaded before turning to Spike. "You can find us a way?"

"Sure can, Red."

"Alright then. What are we waiting for?"

"I've mentioned how much I'm gonna kill you if this is a scam, right?" Xander told him as they walked the halls of the initiative. Buffy and Willow dressed in lab coats and Spike and Xander in army fatigues.

"Xander." Buffy said warningly. For some reason she didn't like the idea of Spike being gone.

"Look, would I wear this if I wasn't on the up-and-up?" Spike asked, gesturing to his army fatigues.

"You do sorta look like an evil olive." Willow said shrugging, which caused Buffy to smile.

"Guys... check it out." Xander said pointing to a hidden doorway. Spike goes forward and walked towards it. He laid his hand on the handle and tugged the door open.

"For a nasty town like Sunnydale, nobody seems to mind their locks." Spike told them, shaking his head.

Buffy, Willow and Xander exchanged looks and followed him inside. They neared the colonel's bedroom and the initiative's lights faltered causing blue emergency lights to light up the halls.

Buffy and Xander slinked into the colonel's bedroom and held a crossbow to his face.

"Hey!" she yelled as he attempted to reach over and get something. "you know who I am?"

"Yeah." he replied quietly.

"Then you know I'm pretty good with this thing. Take us to him." she demanded.

"Finn stays in the brig. Helping an HST escape is a court-martial."

"Riley tried to help Oz escape?" she asked in surprise.

"That's who you came for. The wolf." The colonel said looking from Spike to Buffy and back again.

"Guess we're two for one." Spike said smiling.

Buffy walked down the hallway alone, the guard standing outside the brig. As she passed him, she dropped something and the guard bent down to pick it up.

"Hey, you dropped-" he started to say but Buffy kneed him in the face and ran in after Riley.

"How'd you get in?" he asked as she opened his cell door.

"Talk later. Stealthy escape now."

"Buffy... I leave now, I can't ever come back." Buffy just stared at him waiting for the point. "just wanted to hear that out loud."

Her and Riley met up with Xander, Willow and Spike. They were on their way out when they were stopped.

"Hold it." The hallway is suddenly filled with soldiers. The whole gang is at the point of a gun from every direction.

"Stay back... or I'll pull a William Burroughs on your leader here." Buffy shouted as she held the cross bow to the colonel's temple.

Everyone looked at her in confusion, except Spike, who was impressed.

"You'll bore him to death with free prose?"

"Was I the only one awake in English that day?" she asked annoyed. She sighed. Guess not. "I'll kill him." she told them slowly. She lowered her gaze to the colonel. "Get him out."

The Colonel nodded to one of the soldiers, he dropped his gun and let Oz out. Willow started to walk forward,

"Oz.…" she said in relief. Thank God he was okay.

"Will, get back." Oz told her as he stared own at his fur growing hand and concentrated until it receded. Riley grabbed Oz and pulled him back towards the gang.

"Let's go." Buffy still held the colonel with Spike at her side, as she and the scoobies backed into the elevator, the soldiers watching their every move. The elevator went down and everyone exited the elevator except for Spike, Riley and Buffy. Riley reached into the monitor and pulled all the wires out causing sparks to fly.

Buffy and Spike slowly backed out, crossbow still held high and Riley followed.

"You're a dead man, Finn." the colonel stated fiercely.

"No, sir. I'm an anarchist." he replied before the elevator doors slammed shut.

Everyone eventually dispersed and Xander showed Riley to his new home, complementary ruins of Sunnydale high. Willow went to talk with Oz and probably Tara. Buffy was glad the rescue mission was a success. All thanks to Spike.

"Spike. Thank you." Buffy said sincerely as they stood outside Giles's front door. "If it wasn't for you…we wouldn't have been able to save Oz or Riley for that matter. So thank you for that."

"You better be bloody thankful!" he chuckled. "I had to wear this awful soldier boy suit."

"You know, I kinda like it," she replied placing an arm on his green sweatered arm. Spike turned to her in surprise. "I mean when I saw it on riley I thought it was really ugly but on you…" she trailed off moving her hand and smiling. "You can pull off that color." she explained shrugging nonchalantly. Spike just stayed silent , quietly enjoying the fact that she complimented him. He liked being the hero in her eyes even though he wasn't even close to being one.

"So what was it you needed to talk to me about?" she inquired, snapping him out of his reverie.

"It's about Adam. He came to me. He wants me to help him take you down." Buffy just stared up at him in shock. She was surprised he was telling her. Letting her know. "I told him I would." She knew it was too good to be true. She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. She wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm not on his side." he assured her. She looked up into his eyes confusion playing across her face. "I'm on yours. Whatever you need. Plans. Inside information. Anything you want." he said softly brushing a hair from her face.

"I- Why?" she asked suddenly. Why was he doing this? Siding with her. A few weeks ago and he would have hopped on the band wagon in less then a nano second.

"Because. I don't really like the guy." he said straightening up and shrugging. Her eyes met his and she leaned in closer to him. They were silent for a few minutes just measuring the other up as they gazed into each other's eyes. The moment was spoiled quickly when Giles's door flew open and he shouted Buffy's name…only to be alarmed she was still at the door.

"Buffy." She realized for a second she had forgotten where she was. She turned from Spike to Giles and smiled. She finally had some good news about Adam.

"Hey Giles. We have some good news about Adam. As good as its-"

"Buffy. It's Angel." Giles said urgently.


	22. Sanctuary

Okay again I'm sorry again for any mistakes in this. I promise I will go back and fix everything later. I know you probably didn't think I would do this (Angel crossover) but I think its necessary for a later plotline. I'm trying to make this realistic, so like you would imagine Buffy isn't just _over _Angel. Theres still some feelings even though this is a Spike fic. It's a little confusing but just to reassure anyone this will be a Buffy/Spike fic. Just bare with me and you'll get your reward. Thank you for reading and please please please don't forget to review. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Twenty-Two: Sanctuary

Buffy got there as fast as she could. Angel was in trouble. Faith was in L.A. and tried to kill him. Almost killed Wesley. Her watcher. This has got to end. I'm so done playing games. She almost took my life away from me. She's not getting off easy.

"Wes?" she asked as she saw him beaten and broken as he sat in a chair next to Cordelia.

"Buffy." he sighed. She ran over to him and gathered him a hug.

"Thank god you're okay. I came as soon as I heard." Buffy turned to Cordy and grimaced.

"I know. I know." Cordelia shrieked, covering her eye with her hand.

"You guys have any idea where Faith is? Oh she is in for a world of pain." Buffy said gritting her teeth.

"Oh, she's down stairs with Angel." Wesley told her, with false cheer. Buffy turned to Cordy and she nodded. What the hell was Faith doing downstairs? With _Angel_.

Buffy straightened up and hurried down the stairs were she found Faith and Angel on his bed, Faith wrapped up in his arms.

"What…How…What are you doing?" she asked as she took in the sight before her. Angel had a killer. Faith in his arms. She didn't even have words for how furious she was.

"She - we were attacked." he said calmly in explanation.

"We - you and…" Faith. Psycho who tried to kill her, her friends, and Angel.

"Faith." Angel finished.

"You and Faith." she said laughing with no humor.

"Oh, it's not what you think." He insisted as he let go of Faith and put a little distance between them..

"You actually think that I can form a thought right now? - Giles heard that - that she tried to kill you." She said pointedly, glaring in Faith's direction..

"That's true." "So you decided to punish her with a severe cuddling."

"Is that why you're here? To punish her?"

"I was worried."

"Buffy." Angel said standing up. Wait she was there to punish her. "Oh, god."

Buffy moved closer to Faith as she cringed away from her.

"You didn't think I was going to find you, did you?" Buffy asked menacingly. _No Faith didn't think I'd find her. She didn't think I'd ever see her again. But surprise_. Look who's here.

"Buffy, let's talk." Angel suggested, trying to cool her down and defuse the situation."Oh, I don't think talk is in order right now." Nope only pain. Lots of pain."She needs help." He said quietly. Buffy's lips fell open in shock and she whipped around to face Angel. She needed help? Yeah the psychopathic girl who almost killed my mother _really _needed help. What she needed was punishment.

"Help? Do you have any idea what she did to me?"

"Yes." He knew.

"Do you care?" Because it sure looks like he couldn't care less.

"She wants to change. She has a chance to..."

"No. No chance. Jail." That was the closest she would get to a chance. She wanted a chance? She had to atone for the things she did. No prancing around like nothing ever happened. She had to slowly stood up and watched.

"You think that'll help?" Angel asked before Buffy turned around to face Faith who took a few steps forward.

"Buffy... I'm sor..." Faith stuttered.

"Apologize to me and I will beat you to death."

"Go ahead." Faith said as she spread her arms wide as an invitation.

"This is not gonna happen." Angel said seriously as he stepped in front of Faith to protect her.

"You're gonna stop me? Because you're gonna have to." Buffy warned as she took a step forward.

"Don't - do this." Faith pleaded as he watched them face off.

"Faith, go upstairs - now." Angel shouted as he watched Buffy follow Faith's every move.

"You think I'm gonna let her out of my sight?" No. Not again. She wasn't going to have the chance to run.

"Buffy, just back off." He told her.

"There is no way I'm letting her out of my sight."

"Faith, go!" he yelled at her. Faith started to go up the stairs but Buffy moved to stop her.

"Don't you move a..." she stopped when Angel grabbed her pulled her fist back to punch him in the face and he blocked her and his fist connected with her mouth. She held her hand up to her bleeding lip. Angel had hit her. Oh things never did change huh? She was reminded of Angel's time as Angelus. The demon with no soul that would have took pleasure in his 'kind' gesture."I'm sorry. - I'm sorry." He said sadly as Faith retreated up the stairs. God he hit her.

"She's not gonna run, Buffy."

"Well, why would she? When she has her brave knight to protect her? - Got you. - Does she cry? - Pouty lips - heaving bosom? - I thought you needed help." She said mockingly.

"You think I wanted this to happen? He asked suddenly. Did she think he wanted to have to take care of her? When he'd much rather be spending time with her. Holding her. Loving her. But he can't.

"You hit me." She said blankly. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction on how much it hurt. Not physically but emotionally.

"Not to go all schoolyard on you, but you hit me first. In case you've forgotten - you're a little bit stronger than I am."

"You did it for _her_." Buffy sneered. He hit me for her.

"You were about three seconds - from making her run - you know that. She's at a crucial stage."

"She's playing you. She tried to kill you!" Buffy shouted at him, imploring him to see reason. How could he be so naive?

"That was just - that was just a cry for help."

"A cry for help is when you say 'help' in a loud voice." Not when you try to kill someone and torture your watcher to the brink of death.

"I know Faith did some bad things to you but you can't possibly know." Angel told her, his brown eyes hardening at the memories. All the faces of his victims appearing before his eyes. "And you can't possibly know what she's going through."

"And of course, you do? - I'm sorry. I can't be in your club. I never murdered anybody." No I actually fight the good fight. But instead the bad guys always get the good end of the stick.

Footsteps sound from the stairs and Angel sighed.

"Faith I thought I told you…"

Buffy and Angel turned to see Wesley pushing Faith down the stairs.

"Slight change of plan." Wes told them unhanding Faith and turning to Angel."Wesley, what's going on?""In about twenty minutes the Council's operations team is coming in here. They'll expect to find you gone and her drugged." He said holding up a syringe."How many?"

"Three." Wes replied.

"Why did you bring them here?" Was he still bent on revenge too?

"Couldn't shake them. Had to pretend I was helping them." Wesley said shaking his head.

"Why aren't you?"

"I know these guys. They're killers." Buffy told them.

"They've surrounded the building."

"I'll check the sewers, if they're clear we all head out. Faith?" They all turned and found Faith…gone.

"She must have slipped out." "She'd head for the roof." Buffy turned to go but Angel put a hand on her shoulder.

"They may have it covered."

"We need a plan. Buffy can protect Faith." Wesley reasoned. Buffy just shook off Angel's hand leaving them to their conversation as she followed Faith up to the roof. It wasn't long before she caught up with her.

"You're not gonna run, Faith." Buffy told her fiercely. No she wasn't going to make a break for it because things were hard.

"What do you wanna do? You're gonna throw me off the roof -again?" she asked, her voice rough with emotion. She knew what she did was wrong. All the things she did were wrong. But she doesn't know what to do.

"Any reason why I shouldn't?" Cause I can think of a few.

"There is nothing I can do for you, B. I can't ever make it right." Faith told her hopelessly as she turned to face her. There wasn't anything she could do."So you're just going to take off again. Leave us to clean up yet another one of your messes."

"It would make things easier for you." Faith said shrugging. _It would be easier for everyone if I wasn't around. Including me._

"Till you got bored with the whole guilt thing - decided to come back to shake things up?" No. She wasn't going to sit and wait for the next time Faith decided she wanted revenge.

"That's not gonna happen." Faith promised. No if she left now, it would be for good.

"You're right. It's not." No chances. She has gotten enough of them. It was time to end this once and for all.

"Angel said there was no way you were gonna give me a chance." Faith replied. She knew he was right.

"I gave you every chance! I tried so hard to help you, and you spat on me. My life was just something for you to play with. Angel - Riley - anything that you could take from me - you took. I've lost battles before - but nobody else has -ever- made me a victim." Buffy had tried. Tried to help. Over and over again. But Faith just kept getting worse. Doing whatever she could to hurt her.

"And you can't stand that. You're all about control. You have no idea what it's like on the other side!" Faith told her, tears forming in her eyes. Memories of the people she killed. Of the pain she caused. Mayor Wilkins.

"Where nothing's in control, nothing makes sense! There is just pain and hate and nothing you do means anything. You can't even.."

"Shut up!" Buffy shouted, her anger reaching its boiling point. She didn't want to hear her excuses. No matter how good they were.

"Just tell me how to make it better." Faith pleaded desperately. She just wanted everything to be okay. Buffy looked at the girl before her. Imploring and aged with grief and darkness. Could she find it in herself to forgive her? She didn't door to the roof suddenly busted open and Collins stepped through, machinegun in his hand. Buffy tackled Faith to safety as Collins opened fire on them.

"I think we can make it to the other side." Buffy said pointing towards the other skylight not too far ahead.

"Go." Faith told her. "Now."

They both ran as fast as they could towards the other skylight as a helicopter hovered overhead, Smith hanging from the door with his gun aimed for them and Collins reloading his.

"I have to take this guy out. The guy with the gun up there will go for me. You stay here." Buffy encouraged."Okay." She replied before Buffy set out to take down Collins.

They launched into a fight and Buffy immediately knocked his gun from his hands. He struggled to pick it up but Buffy slammed him down with a blow to the stomach. He got up and threw her over the skylight and within seconds Angel was jumping through the it causing the glass to shatter in every direction. He shifted into game face as he hooked himself to the helicopter and went off with it.

Buffy struck out Collins and turned to where Faith was supposed to be hiding and found her gone…again.

"Faith." she said in exasperation. She knew Faith would run. It was just a matter of time.

Buffy ran down the stairs to meet Wesley. They took his car and drove down to the police station where Angel was being held. She raced in the building and found a few officers and a blonde woman hauling Angel away.

"I think you're gonna like the cell we have for you, Angel. It faces east. It'll give you a great view of the sunrise in about four hours." Kate told Angel smugly as the officers walked him towards her caught up with them and overheard the woman talking.

"What?"

"It's okay." Angel told her as Buffy frantically tried to keep up.

"You know what he is." She knew he couldn't survive in sunlight and she was setting him up to die.

"Who are you?" Kate asked. This girl seemed pretty upset over the whole thing.

"She is nobody." Angel added quickly. If he was going down he wasn't bringing Buffy with stepped in between Angel and Kate as the reached her desk.

"Wait. This is murder." Buffy shouted. They couldn't just throw him in a cell to die! She wouldn't let them.

"Buffy, it's alright." Angel tried to soothe her.

"It is _not _alright." She insisted.

"Get her out of here!" Kate shouted gesturing to the officers to take Buffy away.

"You are not taking the fall for her, Angel." Buffy pushed away the cop who tried to escort her out.

"OUT!" Angel looked over at the desk and saw Faith with her back towards them as she talked to a police officer.

"Buffy." Angel said softly, gesturing towards in their group turned to look at her. As they stared an officer tried to pull Angel away and Buffy swatted his arm away before Faith turned to face them all. Kate stepped forwards and Faith looked over the woman's shoulder at Angel and Buffy before taking a deep breath.

"I'd like to make a confession."

The officers uncuffed Angel as they took Faith away to record her confession. Angel led Buffy out into one of the department's hallways and they were silent for a few moments.

"You should have told me what was going on." Angel should have called her. Faith was just as much her problem as anyone's.

"I didn't - I didn't think it was your business." Angel sighed before looking away.

"Not my business?" Not my business? She just got back from trying to get revenge on me. She killed someone right in front of me. She tried to kill the man I loved.

"I needed more time with Faith. I'm not sure.." He needed to help her. Help her see the light. Understand what she did and help her atone for it.

"You needed - Do you have any - idea what it was like for me to see you with her? That you went behind my back..." She said angry tears forming. He had dumped her and decided that it was okay to have 'time' with Faith.

"Buffy, this wasn't about you! This was about saving somebody's soul. That's what I do here, and you're not a part of it. - That was your idea, remember? We stay away from each other." He didn't like it but she couldn't just change the rules when she felt like it. Staying away from each other meant staying away. That's what they had agreed to.

"I came here because you were in danger." She stated flatly."I'm in danger every day. You came because of Faith. You were looking for vengeance." "I have a right to it." She came in and almost ruined everything. She had Angel, she took Riley. She almost took Spike. God. If anyone had a right to revenge, it was her."Not in my city." No not in _his _city. She wasn't going to come and have her way because she felt like it.

Buffy turned to leave but spun around to face him. She wasn't aloud to help? Fine. He wanted to hurt her? She could do that too.

"I have someone in my life now, sort of. It's not what you and I had. - It's very new. You know what makes it new? - I trust him. I know him." she said her thoughts flickering to Spike. Their late night patrols. His stories. Was she really saying this about Spike?

"That's great. - It's nice - you moved on. - I can't. You found someone new. - I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again it cuts me up inside and the person I share that with is me! You don't know me anymore. So don't come down here with your great new life and _expect _me to do things your way. - Go home!" he yelled turning away from her and walking towards the wall. He couldn't bare to be near her. She was moving on while he was stuck. Stuck with the love he had for her. She came to find Faith not for him. She didn't like what she saw? That's her problem.

Buffy looked at him for a beat before picking up her jacket, while Angel walked over to the opposite wall and braced his hands against it, his eyes squeezed shut.

"See? - Faith wins again. She always does." Buffy said sadly as she walked towards the door. "Go." He replied steely, without looking at her. Buffy just shook her head and left him behind. She was so done with all of it. He loved her yet it seemed like he did everything in his power to hurt her. She loved him but it wasn't enough. It never was.

"She's just a girl." Adam shrugged as the vampire before him paced his lair and tried to explain how different this girl was. "How hard can it be?"

"She's a lot more than that." Spike sighed as he walked the length of Adam's underground lair in the sewers. "The Slayer's dangerous is all I'm saying."

"Yes. She makes things interesting." Adam nodded. She was truly making things a bit more complicated then expected. Although he did enjoy the challenge.

"No. See? You're not getting it, Mr. Bits. You're gonna be interestingly dead. Little Miss Tiny's got a habit of bollixing up the plans of every would-be, unstoppable bad-ass who sets foot in this town." he told him stepping up to face Adam. "Just want you to know, when the big ugly goes down, the Slayer's gonna be right in the thick of it. You ready for that?" Spike asked. Maybe he could get the guy to back out.

"I'm counting on it." Adam said smiling.


	23. Angel vs Riley

Again I'm very sorry for the late update but heres a very long chapter to make up. Again theres Angel in this, major angel actually and alot of you might not like it, but like I said I promise this is Spuffy. angel is part of the plotline for later on. And realistically Buffy's feelings for Angel don't just disappear. So please hang in there and you'll get your reward. Thank you for reading and please please review.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Twenty-Three: Angel vs Riley

"Would you still remember me? Well I must be traveling on now. There's too many places I've got to see. And if I stay here with you girl. Things just couldn't be the same. 'Cause I'm as free as bird now-" Giles stopped singing and let out a sharp gasp at Spike who was standing a few feet away.

"You know, for someone who's got 'Watcher' on his resume, you might want to cast an eye to the front door every now and again." Spike quipped as he went into Giles' kitchen and fished out a packet of blood from his refrigerator.

"What do you want?" Giles asked in annoyance, masking his mortification. It was bad enough Buffy, Willow and Spike saw him singing at the expresso pump.

"Ah. Knew I left one." Spike smiled as he took out the packet of blood and popped it into the microwave. "Buffy back yet?" he asked casually. Or the best attempt at casual he could manage. Buffy had gone to see Angel and Spike couldn't exactly say he was happy about it.

"Why?" Giles asked as he stepped up to the bar and watched Spike punch in the numbers on the microwave.

"I need to speak to the lady of the house. Hey, be a pet and give her a message for me. Tell her I've seen Adam again and I have something she just might want." It was all buisness now. He had to keep himself for falling any further.

"And? What would that 'something' be?" Giles asked suspiciously. No matter what Buffy said, he couldn't trust Spike. And neither should she. He still didn't understand her unusual acceptance of Spike. Something he would surely bring up next time they talked.

"She said she wanted updates so here I am, with an update. It's nothing I know. What, you think I'd come running over saying 'I've got a secret, beat me till I talk?' There's files in the Initiative. I'm pretty sure I know where."

"Files?" Giles asked, suddenly very interested.

"Yeah secrets. Mission statements. Design schematics. All of Maggie Walsh's dirty laundry, which I guess would include lots of tidbits about-"

"Adam." Giles nodded, taking his glasses off and polishing them.

Spike just nodded as he drained his mug of blood.

"Why are you doing this Spike?" Giles asked suddenly. He wanted to know why this soulless vampire would be willing to help Buffy when he needs her the most. It just doesn't seem realistic. He must have an ulterior motive.

"Doing what? Helping? Thought you'd be happy about it, Rupert. Isn't this what you wanted? Said 'I should make use of my affliction.' Isn't that right?" What more do these people want?

"And since when have you ever listened to a word I say?" ..Spike's use of sarcasm was making it worse.

"How about when you turned into the feral demon. I think I listened pretty well. Risked getting caught by the initiative. Almost bloody did get caught."

"Yes. But you did it for money. Now I see no motivation behind your actions. So what is it?" What could possibly be the reason behind his actions?

"I'm not here for a bloody inquisition. Tell Buffy I stopped by. Better yet. I'll tell her myself. Forget I ever came."

"No. No. Fine. I'm not sure when she'll be back and we need those files. Do you still have your army fatigues you stole from the initiative?"

Get rid of them. When Buffy likes 'em so much? Not a chance. "I still have them."

"Good. I'll have Xander drop any other undercover items you'll need."

Spike just nodded and left for his crypt.

Buffy made her way back to her dorm still in a daze from the past few hour's events. She was numb and completely alert despite her lack of sleep. She laid down on her bed intent on getting sleep but her body just wouldn't cooperate. Her thoughts were stuck on Angel and surprisingly Spike. She was upset with Angel because of the things he'd said. But Spike, well he had been so neutral when she left. She was upset with herself for leaving so quickly. The truth was while she was gone she actually missed Spike. Him and his blue eyes and bleached hair. Which should be totally ugly but was incomprehensibly attractive, on him atleast.

Suddenly there was a knock at her door and she slid off her bed and opened the door.

"Riley."

"I got a little tired of sitting around waiting, so . . ." he trailed off as she stared down at his pants.

"You joined the circus?" Either that or he broke into Xander's closet.

"Xander took my clothes to clean `em and left me these. Does he, uh, hate me in some way I don't know about yet? I think I would've attracted less attention in my uniform." Yep. Xander. Knew it.

"Is it okay for you to be here?" Buffy asked uncertainty evident in her voice. The other commandos might be looking for him. Okay might's not the word.

"You tell me." He wasn't sure where they stood, should he be there? Should he not?

"I just meant with the government branch hunting you down and all." Since you like became an anarchist. I heard they take that pretty seriously.

"I'm good."

"And, uh, it took me a while, but I patched into their frequency. Can't sneak up on a guy if he's listening in." he said reaching into his pocket and showing her his phone.

"You're the sneakiest." she said nodding.

"Why they hired me."

Buffy took a text book and laid it on top of another one just for something to do.

"You okay?" Riley asked as he watched her sluggish movements.

"Yeah. I just- Angel kind of upset me." she replied turning to face him.

"How?" Riley asked, his interest peaked.

"It's not that interesting." Really. _My embarrassment and emotional turmoil is not something I'd like to share._

"Got my attention." Of course it did.

"He just spun my head a little." That and made me feel like an idiot for expecting any different.

"You don't want to talk about it." Nope.

"It's just deconstructing Angel can wait. Right now, I just want to get out there and patrol and-and find Adam." And maybe Spike.

Riley's brows knitted together but he quickly composed himself to cover it up.

"It's the pants, isn't it? It's okay. I couldn't take me seriously in these things either." Yeah she defintely didn't want him here.

"Riley, it's not that big a deal." she said sighing. He was trying to make it about them and she wasn't in the mood.

"Tell you what, why don't I get out of your face? You had a long trip."

"Look, you don't have to go." she said half-heartedly.

"It's okay. Besides...I have to recharge them every two hours or they go dead on me." he replied, forcing a grin on his face.

"Okay." she said quietly before Riley left. She sighed before donning her jacket and blaster before heading out to patrol. She was definitely too wired to sleep.

Buffy patrolled around the woods for awhile before she came upon a cave entrance. Before she had a chance to investigate a twig snapped behind her and she twirled around, blaster at the ready to find Riley's initiative buddy Forrest, blaster pointed.

"Don't shoot." Forrest said cautiously.

"Give me a reason not to?"

"You're killing humans now?" he asked skeptically.

"Not yet. Beating you senseless should do just fine." she shrugged, lowering her weapon.

"I can have a patrol here in under a minute. So here's the plan: you go you're way, I'll go mine." Buffy just turned and continued towards the cave. Forrest started to follow but stopped when she looked back at him.

"I'm checking out that cave."

"My orders exactly." he replied.

"Alone?"

"We're spread a little thin, so yeah. Family's tearing apart."

"Family. What kind of family are you? Corleones." she asked sarcastically. Some family.

Buffy spun around and entered the cave's interior, Forrest at her feet. The walls were matted in dirt and bugs and there was no sign of Adam anywhere.

"We weren't until you showed up."

"What? No girls in the club?" she asked bitingly. Just like a guy to exclude women.

"You think you're the only girl who worked for the initiative? Such a big head on that skinny little body. No. You're just the first one to get Riley to commit treason. He had a career. And a future till he met you. And, yeah, I got a problem with that."

"A future? A future doing what? Illegal experiments. Torture. Murder. I guess killing someone isn't really a problem for you." she said stepping closer to him.

"Less and less. And why don't you get the hell out of here before I-" Forrest lowered his weapon and took a threatening step towards her.

"Touch me and you'll find out what Slayer strength is like." she replied fiercely.

"I think it's about time you showed me then." He was game.

"Yes. I think that would be interesting." Adam said pleasantly.

Both Forrest and Buffy stepped away from each other and found Adam standing on the other side of the cave, near the back wall.

"Get out of here!" Buffy shouted as she pushed Forrest away from Adam. He fell to the floor and she ran and delivered a hard back hand to Adam's face but he hardly noticed. He grabbed her by her neck and threw her into the cave wall. She groaned in pain as Forrest got to his feet.

"Not moving." Forrest insisted stubbornly.

He raised his blaster and fired it at Adam. Reacting to the blast, Adam arched his back, his arms wide, accepting the charge. The rings of electricity coursed over his body as he absorbed the energy.

"Thank you." he said looking at Forrest.

"Go! Get out!" Buffy tried to tell him as she gets off her knees.

But Forrest charged Adam and he stabbed him with his skewer, shoving it through his chest.

"NO!" Buffy ran to Forrest's limp body and picked up his blaster. Adam tossed Forrest's body onto Buffy and she fell under his weight causing her to drop the blaster. "Oh, God."

Buffy managed to get up just as Adam pulled out the blaster sending a charge directly to her chest. Buffy shuddered before taking off into the cover of the woods.

Adam fired another shot but missed Buffy by a few inches. She kept stumbling as she frantically looked over her shoulder to check for Adam. He was no where in sight and before she got a chance to slow down she tripped and tumbled down the side of a hill, hitting her head on a large boulder and falling unconscious.

Spike stopped over at Giles and dropped off the discs he snagged from inside the initiative and left quickly. He didn't have time to stick around he was planning on stopping by Buffy's to see if she was back.

Buffy reached her dorm room and went to the mirror to observe the damage done to her face. She had a major headache and her head was bleeding. She brushed her fingertips on the gash and winced in pain. She sighed before a knock sounded at the door. She padded over to the door and swung it open.

"Angel." He was here.

"Hi. Can I come in?" he asked softly.

"I guess." she shrugged before turning her back.

"I need a little more then that." Angel grimaced and sighed. He was forever reminded of the monster he was. The look on her face was punishment enough.

"Oh uh come in."

She closed the door behind him but a second later the door was swinging open and Spike walked in.

"Buffy…" he said softly, lifting his fingers to the gash over her forehead. "God what happened?"

"Spike?" Angel growled at the sight of his grandchilde. What the hell was he doing here? In Buffy's room? Without an invitation? That meant he'd been here before.

"Angelus?" What was Peaches doing in Sunnydale. Were him and Buffy….? He took a few steps back.

"What the hell is this Buffy?" Angel asked angrily.

"Wait Angel. Just calm down." she said moving towards him slowly.

"I'm calm."

"You're hurt." Buffy said suddenly.

"You too." he said softly gesturing to her head.

"I'll live. You want to tell me who ran your face into that doorknob?"

"Not really. It's not world-in-peril stuff. You want to tell me why Spike's here?"

"Wait let me guess. You thought of something else really hurtful to say and, well, you couldn't tell me on the phone because the funniest part is that look on my face-"

"Buffy, please. I really don't have a lot of time." Angel interrupted, his voice urgent.

"What's going on?"

Suddenly her door was open again and Riley stepped in, steadying himself against Willow's desk, arm raised and a Beretta aimed at Angel.

"I told you you weren't coming near her." Riley looked around the room and saw Spike. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Everyone was silent and Buffy looked from Riley to Angel then back again. They both were beat pretty bad, Riley worse then Angel. And then it made sense.

"You've got to be kidding me. This is why you came?" Angel came to beat up her friends?

"No. This was accident."

"Running a car into a tree is an accident! Running your fist into somebody's face is a plan! Please, explain this to me!"

"I think it kind of helped." Spike grinned tilting his head at Riley. Riley just turned the gun on Spike.

"I'll deal with you later." he growled pointing the gun back at Angel.

"Put that gun down." Angel told Riley calmly.

"Why? I think he's got the right idea. Won't do much though. Those don't happen to be wooden bullets would they?"

"Shut up!" Riley screamed.

"Put it down." Angel repeated.

"It's pretty much all I got left, so I'm thinking not. He attacked four of my men, Buffy. I think he's up to his old tricks."

"He won't hurt anybody." Buffy turned to face Angel. "Tell him."

"Might hurt you." Angel threatened as he stepped closer to Riley.

"Please try." Riley said as he stepped up to Angel.

"Some threat. You can barely stand."

"Trigger finger feels okay."

"You actually sleep with this guy?"

Riley punched Angel in the face and he returned the favor.

"Oh stuff it Cap'n Cardboard. As much as I'd like to see the both of you bloody and beaten that's not gonna get you anywhere. There's a stake over in that chest over there. That might help." He hated Angel more then he hated Riley. And thaty was saying something.

"Spike. Shut it, I'm warning you." Angel turned and scowled at Spike. He didn't have time to deal with him.

"What are you gonna do about it Peaches?" Spike asked smiling. Angel turned away from Riley and moved in on Spike.

"Okay, stop it!" Buffy screamed as she shoved all three of them away from each other.

Spike onto Buffy's bed, Angel onto Willow's and Riley into Willow's desk.

"Okay, that's enough! I see one more display of testosterone poisoning and I will personally put all three of you in the hospital!" Riley, Angel and Spike exchanged glares and stayed silent. "Anybody think I'm exaggerating?" she challenged.

"He started-" Angel started to say but Buffy lifted her finger in warning.

"Riley." Buffy pointed to his gun and he nodded before holstering it.

"I'm sorry. Just wanted to know that you were safe."

"Same here." Spike added, while Angel rolled his eyes. Where the hell was he? This was not the sunnydale he left.

"I need to talk to Angel for a minute."

"What?" Spike and Riley said in unison. They looked at each other and grimaced.

"Guys, please." she begged. "Just a minute."

Riley looked over at Angel who smirked while Spike scowled in his direction.

"I'm not leaving this room. I mean it."

"Fine. Angel?" she asked gesturing towards the door.

He got up from willow's bed and followed her out into the hallway.

"Okay. I come to see you, to help you, and you treat me like I'm just . . . your ex."

"Well, technically-"

"Shut up! And then you order me out of _your _city and then you come here and start pounding on my friends? I would really like to know what the HELL are you trying to do?"

"I thought Riley was the guy you were talking about. He's just a friend?" Angel paused and Buffy nodded curtly. "And Spike is a friend now? What the hell is happening here."

Buffy stayed silent unsure how to answer.

"Oh god. Please tell me the guy you were talking about wasn't Spike. You're not…you're not sleeping with him are you?" No. Spike and Buffy? Together?

"Angel!"

"You are? God I'll kill him." he growled starting towards the door.

"I'm not sleeping with him." she yelled grabbing him by the arm and swinging him back in front of her. He stared down at her doubtful. "I'm not." As much as I'd like to be… no.

"But he was the guy you were talking about?"

"No…no." she told him half-heartedly. Yeah the guy she was talking about was Spike but he didn't have to know that. "Forget about that. Tell me what the hell you were trying to do."

"I was trying to make things better." She regarded his sincere expression and couldn't keep herself from laughing. It became contagious and Angel can't help but crack a smile. "Well. It's a...going pretty good, don't you think?" he asked chuckling.

"Swell." she replied smiling as she leaned up against the wall. sometimes it was hard not smiling around him.

"You know-I couldn't leave it like that. The way I spoke to you- I came to apologize. I...I had no right." he told her sobering up.

"And Riley?" she asked eye brows raised.

"I got jumped by some soldiers. He came in in the middle. And wasn't real forthcoming with the benefit of the doubt." he said sighing.

"Look...You weren't entirely wrong, what you said in L.A. We don't live in each other's worlds anymore. I had no right to barge in on yours and make judgments."

"I'm still sorry." he said sincerely.

"Thank you." It felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders.

"And, next time...I'll apologize by phone." Buffy laughed softly and Angel tucked his hands into his pockets. "Uh, things are pretty tense around here."

"They really are." she replied, resting her head against the wall.

"Can I do anything?"

"Honestly...I think the best thing you can do right now is-"

"Okay." he nodded before looking at the floor and back up tp her face.

"It means a lot that you came." she said softly. It really did.

Angel just looked at her for a moment before turning and leaving, just as Buffy touched the handle of her door Angel turned around.

"Oh, and...Spike." Angel said suddenly.

"Yeah?" she asked, her heart racing a thousand beats a second.

"I hate him." he told her seriously. "Deeply."

"Really? I had no idea." Buffy smiled and shook her head.

She watched him go and turned back into her dorm room to find Riley at Spike's throat.

"Hey! Hey! Stop." She shouted, putting herself in front of Spike.


	24. The Yoko Factor

Okay so I am sooooo sorry for the mega late update. Like i said before I was visiting family so it was hard to write but I promise after this chapter things will get right back on track. Also if theres any mistakes I promise to go back and fix them later. So please read and review because it will make me super happy. It really will. I'll have that infectous grin and everything. Again so sorry for the late update. But heres more Spike as a reward for your patience. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Twenty-Four: The Yoko Factor

Spike really tried not to listen to Buffy and Angel talking but he couldn't help it. They always say eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves but in this case that wasn't completely true. Angel might have been buying her lies, but he wasn't. _She had said something about me to him in L.A., something good because Angel wasn't at all happy about the possibility of it being me_. The down side of it all? He could still hear the two of them sputtering over their words and apologizing, laughing and flirting to no end. And it was killing him.

"Since Angel isn't here I guess it's the perfect time to deal with you." Riley snarled walking over to Spike. He needed some way to release his pent up anger.

"Please. I may not be able to hit you because of this bloody chip but I sure as hell can still hurt you." he growled back, standing up to Riley. He wasn't about to let the wanker intimidate him. He was a master vampire. The slayer of slayers. William the Bloody. A descendent of the Order of Aurelius. Who did this soldier boy think he was?

"You're going to stay away from Buffy." Riley seethed.

Like that was going to happen. Unlikely.

"How about you make me?" Spike replied, a dark look spreading across his features and his eyes flashing yellow.

"Gladly." Riley's lips stretched into a smirk before his hands enclosed around Spikes throat. At that moment Buffy appeared at the doorway and found Spike at the hands of Riley before he got a chance to retaliate.

"Hey! Hey! Stop." In an instant she was putting herself between them. She turned to Spike as Riley backed off confusion and rage evident in his plain features.

"Are you hurt?" Buffy asked Spike gently. Spike just nodded no and unusual calm spread through him. "Are you?" She asked, turning to Riley in concern.

"I'm fine." he huffed in exasperation. He didn't understand why she was protecting a vampire. One who obviously had a thing for her!

"I'm going to go." Spike informed her. Riley just stared daggers at him, maybe morel ike stakes. "I'll be back." Spike whispered in her ear before leaving her and Riley alone in her room.

"I have to tell you something." Buffy said uneasily as the door clicked shut. Her current frustrations from earlier had dissipated and she debated with herself how to tell Riley one of his own had fallen.

"Angel's bad again. Xander told me if he, if you two-" he couldn't finish. He didn't want to think about what she did with him.

"He's…not bad." Buffy told him keeping her eyes away from his. So he knew about the trigger. Xander told him. Which was totally out of line.

"Seriously? That's…a good day? Well, there you go. Even when he's good he's all Mister…Billowy Coat King of Pain and girls really-"

"Riley, stop." she said firmly.

"Sorry." he replied sheepishly. He couldn't help but babble on and be jealous of the guy. He had this hold over her he couldn't seem to achieve.

"Look there's no easy way to tell you this-" she paused.

"Just say it." Riley was curious as to what she had to say.

"Forrest is dead."

Riley left insisting he needed time and Buffy let him go before leaving for Giles place. As soon as she got there everyone went into business mode. A lot of things had happened while she was away and she was surprised to find out Spike had been in the thick of it. Giles explained how Spike had come with information, explains why he dropped by the dorm. She'd find that out later but for now willow was attempting to find out any information from the files Spike recovered from the initiative.

"It's still encrypted." Willow sighed as she peered at her computer screen.

"Well, Willow's working really hard on it." Tara insisted brightly, trying to keep everyone's spirits up.

"Okay, well, how long before you...un-crypt it?" Buffy had to admit she was a bit disappointed. she was hoping Willow could have cracked it faster.

"Hours. Days maybe. Anyone suggesting months would not be accused of crazy talk." But they didn't have that long. She needed the information now.

"I can't just wait around, Will. The disk is no good to me unless you crack it soon." Buffy said impatiently.

"Hey! We worked really hard getting that. Xander delivered fake weapons." Anya said defensively. They contributed, sort of.

"Sorry, you guys, but we're on a clock here. Okay, Adam was at that cave so maybe he was there for a reason? I-I can-I can go back, scope it out, track him if I have to." Yeah, at least she'd be doing something.

"Right. And then maybe you'll get lucky and he'll still be there and he can rip your arms off for you?" Willow asked sarcastically as she got up and walked into the living room towards Anya and Xander. "Buffy, you can't go back alone."

"You never train with me anymore. He's gonna kick your ass." Giles told her as he took a sip from his glass.

"Giles." Buffy shrieked. What was with him?

He stepped out of the kitchen, drink in hand, and leaned against the entrance of the hallway.

"Sorry. Was it a bit honest? Terribly sorry." he replied, grinning.

"So she doesn't go alone. Giles, weapons all around." Xander said nodding while padding over to the weapons chest.

"You're not going, Xander. Y-you'd get hurt." Buffy didn't want to have to say it but if they came they'd only get in the way. The whole time she'd be worried about them getting hurt instead of concentrating on Adam.

"Oh. Okay. You and Willow go do the superpower thing, I'll stay behind and putt around the Bat cave with crusty old Alfred here." Xander shook his head as he pointed towards Giles.

"Ah-ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had a job."

"Willow is not going either. I'm doing it alone." Buffy told them ignoring Giles ramblings.

"Oh, great. And then when you have your new 'no arms' we can all say 'Gee, it's a good thing we weren't there getting in the way of that!'" Willow replied sardonically.

As the scoobies argued Anya and Tara slipped away, without anyone noticing.

"Right! Maybe we can help in other ways? Want some fighting pants, Buff? I can get ya some new fighting pants!" Xander snarked. It seemed like he wasn't appreciated enough and he was kind of sick of it.

"You guys, this isn't helping." Buffy was tired of this. Where was this even coming from?

"Oh, wow! We're already getting in the way. We're pretty good at this, Xander, huh?" Willow asked turning to Xander.

"Right. We're always doing that. Getting in the way and doing something wrong." Xander said bitterly.

"Oh you are one to talk Xander. How about you telling Riley every last detail of my life with Angel?" Like she wanted him to know her life story.

"Well it is one hell of a story." Giles giggled. Buffy finally acknowledged his state.

"Are you drunk?" Buffy couldn't believe it. The last time he'd gotten drunk was when Ethan Rayne was in town. Shouldn't he have known better then to get drunk in a possible crisis time frame?

"Yes. Quite a bit, actually." he admitted with a hiccup. He hadn't really intended on getting drunk but after spike's visit he felt out of the loop once again as he did a few weeks before. So he'd had a couple, well a little bit more then that.

"Well, stop it! This is stupid." Why were they even fighting anyway? It was ridiculous.

"Stupid? So you finally have the guts to say it to my face?" Xander yelled.

"I didn't say you were stupid! So…stop being an idiot and let me fix this!" Buffy screamed at them. Her friends were being completely unreasonable. What was with them? Xander rolled his eyes and plopped down on Giles' couch.

"Okay, I need you. I need both of you. All the time! Just…not now. Adam is very dangerous." She just wanted them safe. Didn't they see that?

"Wait. How do you need me, really?" Willow asked seriously. What could she possibly offer her?

"You're…good with the computer stuff. Usually. And-and there's the witch stuff." Buffy insisted. She was good for other stuff too. Things that weren't slayer related. Willow was her best friend along with Xander.

"Witch stuff? What exactly do you mean by 'witch stuff?'" Willow obviously didn't like that answer. How had everything gotten so bad?

"You guys, what is happening? This is crazy!"

"Oh, no, it's not. It's all finally making perfect sense and I'm not going to miss a moment of it." Giles said leaning against his desk for support. He set his drink down and tried to sit but he completely missed the chair and flopped to the floor. "That's it. I'm going to bed."

He struggled to pull on his sweater as he stomped towards and up the stairs.

"You know what, I'm not the one being judgmental here. I'll leave that territory to Buffy." Willow added to the fueling fire.

"Judgmental? If I was anymore open-minded about the choices you two make my whole brain would fall out!" Judgmental? Was she serious?

"Oh! And superior. Don't forget that. Just because you're better than us doesn't mean that you can be all superior!" Xander spouted angrily. classic Buffy always thinking she knows whats best.

"You guys, stop this! What happened to you today?" Because this wasn't the way she left things.

"It's not today! Buffy, things have been wrong for a while! Don't you see that?" Willow asked, implying there had been a problem before. But if there was Buffy hadn't seen it.

"What do you mean wrong?"

"Well, they certainly haven't been right, since Tara. We have to face it. You can't handle Tara being my girlfriend." Yep. She'd been acting weird ever since then.

"No! It was bad before that! Since you two went off to college and forgot about me! Just left me in the basement to-" Xander stopped abruptly and turned to Willow in shock. "Tara's your girlfriend?"

"Bloody hell!" Giles shouted from upstairs.

"Enough! All I know is you want to help, right? Be part of the team?"

"I don't know anymore." and "Really not wanted." Willow and Xander said in unison.

"No! No, you said you wanted to go. So let's go! All of us. We'll walk into that cave with you two attacking me and the funny drunk drooling on my shoe! Hey! Hey, maybe that's the secret way of killing Adam?" Is that what they wanted?

"Buffy…" Xander started to say but Buffy cut him off.

"Is that it? Is that how you can help? You're not answering me! How can you possibly help?" she asked a mask of hurt covering her face. "So…I guess I'm starting to understand why there's no ancient prophecy about a Chosen One…and her friends."

Buffy shook her head before grabbing her jacket and hurrying to the door.

"If I need help, I'll go to someone I can count on." she said harshly before rushing out into the cold night air.

She was alone again. Like she's always feared ever since she became the slayer. She was afraid she wouldn't have anyone to lean on or to be there. But hadn't the whistler been spot on when Angel had tried to end the world. 'In the end your always by yourself. You're all you've got.' And as much as she hated to admit it, he was right.

She was always going to be alone even when she was in a room full of people she still caught herself feeling like that. She didn't want to go back to the dorm because Willow would probably be there and she wasn't in the mood for another face off so she headed to rest field to patrol and maybe see Spike. Wasn't like she had anything better to do. Unfortunately for her not a single fledging was out. She sighed in defeat before finding a large head stone and sitting down on the soft grass to lean against it.

She wasn't there for long the tingles on the back of her neck alerted her of a vampire's presence. And not just any vampire. Spike. It seemed like the tingles she got from him were unique in some way. She sighed before turning to see him, his signature duster on, staring down at her silently.

Spike had come looking for her with news about Adam and he was intent on finding out what she said about him in L.A. but immediately after seeing her he could tell something was wrong. The way her shoulders were slumped and the defeated look in her eyes were a dead give away.

"What's wrong?"

Buffy turned her face away in an attempt to hide the emotion trying to surface.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked sincerely.

"I- I don't think so." she sputtered as she stared out into the night. No there was nothing he could do.

"Tell me what happened." he said his piercing blue eyes meeting hers.

"Me and Willow… and Xander… and Giles aren't speaking." she sniffed before continuing. "I don't know what happened. I got back from L.A and everything was a mess."

This wasn't good. Spike knew that much. Adam had them exactly where he wanted them without his help.

"Everything will be alright. You and the scoobies will make up and everything will be back to normal." he tried to soother her.

"I really hope so." she sighed and turned to him. She had enough time to sulk later, right now she needed to know about Adam. "So any updates?"

"Yeah. Adam has been trying to get you out of the way so he can 'annihilate the human race' and what not."

Buffy shoved away the thoughts of her friends and focused on the matter at hand. She might possibly have to do it alone so she needed Spike's help.

"You're not-?" Buffy stopped and took a deep breath. She didn't want to believe it but what if Spike wasn't on her side. What if she really was alone in this? "Are you really with me?"

Spike scooted closer to her and could feel the heat of her body rolling onto his. As he gazed into her eyes they seemed to give off a vulnerability he'd never seen before. She was staring up at him, her eyes wide with hurt and worry. He could never betray the beautiful girl sitting beside him. It was physically impossible.

"I'm always with you."

Buffy though about his words for a minute and decided he was telling the truth. She couldn't deny the genuineness in his voice. And truth be told she wanted him on her side for whatever crazy reasons her mind made up.

"Good." she replied simply before leaning into his chest. right now she didn't care about Angel or her friends or Adam she just needed someone to be there. And Spike was doing a pretty bang up job.


	25. Open Arms

So here's chapter twenty-five. I am deeply sorry for the extreme delay. I'm working on some other stuff which is why I have been so bad with updating. I promise everyone that I will not give up on this story. Nor the sequel. I'm sticking with this. I promise. By the way if there are any mistakes...forgive me. I'll fix them later. Anyway please please review. It will make me write faster. Thanks for reading. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Twenty-Five: Open Arms

After a few moments of silence, the quiet was broken by their steady barrage of conversation and questions, getting up to speed on recent events.

"So how did everything go in L.A.? Did you find Faith?" Spike asked calmly. He was desperately trying to hide his anxiousness behind the subject he was itching to bring up.

"Yeah. I did, but I let her go." Spike just tilted his head in curiosity but quickly lifted it. He was wondering why she would let Faith go after everything she did but he quickly realized that was just the type of woman Buffy was. Compassionate. Kind. Pure. The real question was not if she'd let Faith go, but why.

"She's in jail now, atoning for her crimes. Maybe it'll help her." she replied shrugging, the faintest bit of hope evident in her voice. And that answered Spike's question. Buffy was harboring a silent hope that doing time would help faith on some level.

Eventually Spike finally found the right opening to bring up what he'd been wanting to all night but unfortunately for him the sun was coming up soon. Of course it came up just before he got a chance to find out what she'd said about him. _Bugger_. He was going to find out sooner or later.

"Sun's coming." he said softly against her hair. She sighed but reluctantly pulled away.

"Okay. I'm going call over by Giles just to get any information off the disks you got and then I'll figure out what to do from there." Buffy said refocusing her thoughts on Adam. But before she could completely shut down Spike grabbed her by the tops of her arms and brushed a hair from her face.

"You're not in this alone. Alrigh'? I'm here." Spike wasn't sure when exactly he'd started to care about Buffy. It might have been the spell or even before that but what he was doing went against everything he was and he didn't care.

Buffy nodded in agreement. No she wasn't. She had to admit she was partially relieved at his words. She had someone on her side. Maybe she could work things out with everyone and they could take down Adam together? It was a long shot but potentially possible. Her and the gang had been through so much, they would make it through this. They had to. "Look you better go, I don't exactly fancy seeing a pile of ashes laying on the grass in a few minutes." She told him awkwardly.

"I'm going to see what the big man himself is up to." Spike said grinning.

"Meet up later?" Spike just nodded leaving Buffy alone to her thoughts. She walked towards campus and eventually made her way into town to scour for any information.

"I didn't send for you Spike." Adam said firmly as Spike strolled into Adam's lair. Spike swore he could hear the slightest bit of annoyance in the demonoids voice but even that was a stretch.

"Well I was in the neighborhood. Everything's going according to plan then?" Spike asked as he leaned against the wall of the cave. He had to focus and get any information he could. Buffy was counting on him.

"Not yet." Adam's voice carried through the chamber's of the cave. Spike rolled his eyes in frustration. What else could Adam possibly have planned? Hadn't he had long enough to figure something out? Evil plans usually never took this long. Just a few seconds after the thought Spike watched as Riley walked through the caves entrance and Spike's mouth fell open in shock. Soldier boy was working with Adam. That was Adam's secret plan. His secret weapon. He had to tell Buffy. But how?

"I've been waiting for you." Adam smiled as Riley came to face him.

"And now I'm here."

Across town on the UC Sunnydale college campus the four original scoobies gathered together to discuss their plans about Adam.

"So? What's the word?" Xander asked as he and the other scoobies stood together awkwardly, each one of them three feet apart from each other. Buffy had been all around town and hadn't find much on Adam. She concluded meeting up with the gang was the only option. No matter how bad it was going to be, she had to do it. Completely unavoidable if she was planning on taking Adam down. Giles shuffled uncomfortably while the other's stood silent. Buffy noticed the lack of Anya and Tara in the group but decided not to voice the observation. She knew they probably weren't there because they didn't feel welcome after the what everyone said yesterday.

"I talked to Spike and he told me what he knows. I think we should get on those disks. There are only lead so far, besides are inside man we've got nothing." Buffy told them. Hopefully those disks would help in some way.

"Oh, I decrypted them." Willow told them enthusiastically. "Well, they decrypted themselves, but I almost had it." she said defensively, her shoulders slumping. She could have done it, if she'd had time.

"What did they say?" Giles inquired. Maybe this would get them somewhere.

"A bunch of stuff we already know about 314. But it also said there's some final phase where Adam manufactures a bunch of creepy cyber-demonoids like him. There's a special lab in The Initiative, but it didn't say where." Of course it didn't. Just what they needed, another mystery to solve.

"This lab, it's in the Initiative?" Buffy wondered. If it was. She knew what he was planning.

"Hidden somewhere." Willow said nodding. Well that doesn't really help much.

"We'll give the demon his due. He thought this one out." Buffy said pursing her lips.

"What do you mean?" Willow asked confused.

"You know how overcrowded the containment cells have been at the Initiative?" Riley had told them how easy it had been catching them. Willow nodded remembering and waited to see where Buffy was going. "Those demons were just too easy to catch. It's like they wanted in that place." They wanted to be there for the fight.

"The Trojan horse." Giles added removing his glasses and polishing them. The demons knew what was going to happen. There was going to be an uprising.

"Adam's gonna make sure the demons attack the Initiative from the inside."

"Demons versus soldiers. Massacre, massacre." Xander said shaking his head.

"And Adam has a neat pile of body parts to start assembling his army. Diabolical, yet...Gross." Willow concluded, her face scrunching up at the thought.

"Does anybody else miss the Mayor, I just wanna be a big snake?" Xander quipped as they contemplated the new development. The snake seemed so much better compared to Adam.

"I've got to shut him down, Giles. His final phase is about to start." She couldn't let him create his own army and kill all those people.

"We need to warn the Initiative." Giles urgently. They needed to know before the final phase began or many lives would be lost.

"They're not gonna listen to me." Nope. Not a chance.

"Riley?" Willow tried. Maybe they'd listen to one of their own?

"He's a deserter. He got some bad news anyway, and kinda took off." Buffy told them sighing. Of course he would leave when we needed his help.

"Okay, I'm confused again. Adam has this evil plan. Why is he so anxious for you to know about it?" Xander wondered aloud. He didn't get it.

"He wants me there. Probably figures I'll even the kill ratio." That or something else.

"He's not worried you might kill, oh say, him?" Because she is the slayer.

"No, he's really not." She didn't have even the slightest idea of how to kill him. So no he definitely wasn't worried. "Let's just go to your place. We'll sit down and figure something out." Buffy said to Giles anxiously. She wanted to hurry up and figure it out so they could get on taking Adam down. Giles nodded and they all took off towards Giles' place.

"She's coming. I can feel it." Adam said smiling. Yes the slayer was coming, it wouldn't be long now.

"Good on you. Got a chunk of prognosticating demon in there, right?" Spike walked over to a chair and sat down trying to attempt to get information without being too obvious. "Now, what exactly are you thinking about doing?" Adam turned to Spike curiously. "I mean its going to involve pain right? Lots of it?" Spike cringed internally.

"Yes. There will be pain." Adam replied simply. "About your chip…"

"Oh. Yeah. When's that coming out? We had a deal." Spike demanded trying his best to sound angry.

"When she's here."

"Certainly no lack of supplies. I only wish I knew which ones would kill Adam." Giles said raking his eyes over the weapons chest that lay open on his living room floor.

"According to Riley, his power source is uranium core embedded somewhere inside his chest. Probably near the spine." Buffy informed him. The problem was getting to that power source. She was defenseless whenever she faced him.

"Great, so we just ask him to lie down quietly while we do some exploratory surgery." Xander suggested goofily. Yeah he wasn't so sure Adam would agree willingly.

"What about magic? Some kind of, I don't know...uranium extracting spell?" Willow asked trying to be helpful while the others looked at her incredulously. "I know I'm reaching." she sighed.

"Perhaps a paralyzing spell." Giles suggested as he walked over to his book shelf in search of a certain book. "Only I can't perform the incantation for this."

"Right. Don't you have to speak it in Sumerian or something?" Willow was pretty sure she was unfluent in Sumerian, which might be a problem for her.

"I do speak Sumerian. It's not that. Only a...an experienced witch can incant it, and you'd have to be within striking distance of this object." Giles said sadly. They were running out of the already waning options they had.

"See what you get for takin' French instead of Sumerian?" Xander asked playfully.

"What was I thinking?" Buffy said smiling. She liked this. They were bantering again.

"So no problem, all we need is combo Buffy-her with Slayer strength, Giles' multi-lingual know how, and Willow's witchy power." Xander told them nodding. Yep. All the important parts of the group. Giles gave him a look and Xander sighed. "Yeah, don't tell me. I'm just full of helpful suggestions."

"As a matter of fact, you are." Giles replied perplexed. Xander's eye brows flew up in surprise. _Did he mean me? _"We'll need you too Xander."

"Let's get the supplies and get going." Buffy told them as they gathered up their things and set out.

"Nervous?" Willow asked as they entered the Lowell house.

"No way. I'm full of that good old kamikaze spirit." Xander said sarcastically.

"Xander, just because this is never gonna work, there's no need to be negative." Giles told him as they made their way to the elevator.

"The adjoining spell, is it powerful enough to defeat Adam?" Willow asked.

"It's very powerful. It's also extraordinarily dangerous." Giles replied seriously before they all paused before the mirror that hid the passage to the initiative.

"Game faces, guys. We're going in." Buffy said as she kicked out the glass.

"How you doing?" Buffy asked as her and Willow started to climb downward

"Super. What was I thinkin', using stairs all this time?" Wllow quipped as they repelled downward.

"Okay. Will-" Buffy started but Willow cut her off.

"No, really, Buffy. It's not as scary as I thought."

"No. It's not what I was gonna say. I just...I'm sorry. I hate that things have been so strained between all of us." Buffy said somberly.

"It's not your fault. Adam just helped stir up trouble. We're all stressed."

"Yeah, but I think trouble was stir-uppable. I think we've all sort of drifted apart this year, don't you?"

"Maybe a little. But, you know, first year of college, it's hard to keep the old high school gang together." Willow said as they continued downward.

"But I want it together. Will, I miss you. And Giles, and Xander. And it is my fault. I've been wrapped up in my own stuff, I've been a bad friend." Buffy said shaking her head.

"You're the Slayer, Buffy. Your stuff is pretty crucial." They all knew that, they just forgot for a little bit.

"Well, I haven't been Miss Available either. I-I kept secrets. I hid things from everyone." Buffy bit her lip. She understood why Willow kept Tara a secret. But did that apply to her too? Should she tell Willow what she's feeling about Spike?

"That's not your fault. Will, you were going through something huge." _Just like I am._

"I wanted to tell you, but I was so scared." Ditto.

"You can tell me anything. I love you. You're my best friend." Buffy said, tears sprang to her eyes and they grabbed each other in a hug.

"Me, too. I love you too." Willow replied as they hugged, before they were suddenly falling. "Oh, falling now!"

"Let's promise to never not talk again." Buffy said still holding Willow.

"I promise, I promise." Willow said happily as Xander landed in between them.

"Xander." Buffy said wistfully, looking up at him as her and Willow grabbed Xander into a hug.

"Oh, wonderful Xander!" Willow shouted as her and Buffy squeezed him tighter.

"You know we love you, right?" Buffy asked him seriously.

"We totally do." Willow assured him, just incase he didn't know.

"Oh God, we're gonna die, aren't we?" Xander asked wide eyed. Only logical reason they would be all over him.

"No, we just missed you." Xander's grin reached ear to ear as he looked up at Giles.

"Giles, hurry up!" Xander yelled happily. This was great. His two best friends, holding on to him on each side. Giles looked down at the three of them and smiled. "You definitely wanna get down here for this!"

Once everyone was on the ground Xander took a crowbar at one of the side panels to open it and get inside, while everyone else watched and waited, supplies in hand.

"Okay, we stick together, then everything should be fine. Everybody ready?" Buffy asked just as Xander and Giles pushed the panels aside. "Let's...do this." Buffy said half heartedly as five commando guys stood in front of them, guns aimed directly for them. Oh boy. They were in trouble.


	26. Primevil

So here it is. Adam dies chapter. I didn't change how he dies or anything because I think combo Buffy is too cool. Haha. Now I've decided to make season 5 a sequel instead of clumping it together. There will be no dawn. Officially. And there will also be a sequel to the sequel. Yay! And this story is officially finished. And I'm sorry for the past couple of really late updates but alot has been going on with me so I didn't have the time, but I'm back. So please don't forget to review. Because it makes me happy for days. (Especially the long ones) And the sequel to this story will most likely be posted later today. Please please review !:) Thanks for reading and enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Twenty-Six: Primevil

Spike and Adam stood in front of the security monitors as Buffy being hauled away by some soldier boys.

"Bait's been taken. Traps all set. The slayer's landed. So…" What's next? How does he get out there and help bust them out? Keep playing along or make a break for it? "Hello? Paging Dr. Owe-me-one."

"She's not alone." Adam said blankly. _Bollocks. _Spike stepped closer to the small screen and saw Watcher boy, red and the whelp being taken away right behind her. _Damn it. Don't those soldier boys know they're the only ones who can help? _"You've failed me again."

Cripes. What was he going to do now? "That's one way of putting it." he attempted to reason. Only one thing to do.

"What's the other way?" Adam asked curiously. Spike just ignored him and bolted towards the exit, where Forrest blocked him and hoisted him up by his neck.

"Oh come on! It's not like I wasn't trying." Spike gurgled. Well, okay, that's a lie. He didn't actually try, but Adam didn't know that. "That's worth something, isn't it?" God, he hoped so.

"I suppose. Yes. I will honor our agreement to remove your chip." Adam told him smiling. "Take his head off." he ordered and Forrest grabbed Spike and pinned him down.

Spike tried to break free but couldn't seem to shift his weight, running out of ideas he took the lit cigarette between his fingers and burnt the Forrest on his eye until he released him.

Then he took off running. His feet pounded against the linoleum floors as he rushed towards the core of the initiative, where demons and soldiers alike were battling to the death.

He didn't stop until he reached the main area where he found the nearest demons and began to wail on them. He hoped Buffy would find her way out while he did his best to get to her.

Not even a few minutes later he saw her and the rest of the Scooby gang bolting past him towards 314. He did his best to fight his way back to her.

Buffy and her friends were escorted to Colonel McNamara's office, where about a half dozen soldiers clustered, keeping their eyes on her and the gang while the Colonel rummaged through their bags. Buffy tried to get a feel for her surroundings just incase she and the others had to make an escape. But first she was going to attempt and persuade the kernel to let them go.

"Colonel-"

"Shut up." McNamara demanded. Buffy gazed over at Giles and they both rolled their eyes at the colonel's antics. "You've got some nerve lady. You think you and your friends can just keep waltzing into a government installation brandishing weapons like-" he stopped as he pulled out some pear shaped object from their bag. "Like?"

"It's a gourd." Willow said sheepishly. McNamara just stared at her like she had three heads.

"Magic gourd." Giles added in explanation, hands shoved in his pockets, trying to clear things up but only making the colonel's face twist in disgust.

"What kind of freaks are you people?" he asked pointedly.

"Adam is here, Colonel. In the initiative." Buffy told him her arms crossed over her chest. He wasn't understanding. If he didn't let them go, people would die and Adam would have all the pieces to build his army.

"Nice try." Colonel snarked. Like he was going to fall for that.

"Those overcrowded containment cells of yours: courtesy of Adam. He's pulling a Trojan Horse on you, he's just waiting-" Buffy said, her words coming out in a rush as she stepped forward and looked him directly in the eyes.

"Everything in this installation is under 24-hour surveillance." The Colonel insisted sternly.

"Including the secret lab?" Willow asked innocently.

"Including everything!" he shouted angrily. They all nodded. He stayed serious before turning to Buffy. There was a secret lab? "What secret lab?" he asked quietly.

"The one Adam's been using. The one built for the final stage of the 314 project." she told him, slightly shaking her head at his blank expression. He didn't know a damn thing. "And you have no idea what I'm talking about." she said rolling her eyes. For a government organization these people were terribly incompetent.

"I know everything that goes on around here. A tick on a mouse couldn't get in without my knowing it. And if Adam wants to try we're ready for him." he told them confidently. Buffy just rolled her eyes in frustration. This guy just didn't get it.

"Jolly good." Giles said as he removed his glasses. "How - How exactly do you plan to get close enough to Adam to remove his power source?" There was no way these soldiers even had a chance of taking Adam down.

"Hit him simultaneously with multiple taser blasters. Incapacitate him with as much voltage as we can muster." he replied with his solution. It seemed like a good plan to him.

"Great plan. That's right up there with 'duck and cover'." Xander quipped while Willow nodded in agreement.

"I've seen Adam hit with taser blasts. He feeds on it. And now you're gonna provide him with an all-you-can-eat buffet?" Buffy shouted while Giles delivered a smug smirk.

"You telling me my business?" McNamara questioned.

"This...is not your business. It's mine. You, the Initiative, the boys at the Pentagon-you're all in way over your heads. Messing with primeval forces you have absolutely no comprehension of." she retorted harshly. This was her responsibility and he was getting in the way.

"And you do?" he asked doubtful.

"I'm the Slayer. You're playing on my turf."

"Up there, maybe. But down here, I'm the one who's in control." Suddenly the lights were cut and blue emergency lights lit the room.

"Sir, the power grid's down. Backup's not responding." A soldier said as he scanned his computer. "We're locked in." he told them gravelly. "Containment area's been breached. Hostiles are loose."

"How many?" Colonel asked concerned.

"All of 'em, Sir."

"It's Adam." Buffy explained as McNamara looked towards her. "Look, I'm the only one who can stop him now. Just let me handle this. Get your people out of here."

"All right, you men follow me. We gotta take the Armory now." he ordered ignoring Buffy's pleas. "These people are under arrest, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." One of the soldiers replied before the colonel and the rest of the soldiers filed out.

The second soldier in the room stood up and Buffy knocked him out with one blow. The first commando came and she threw a punch sending him sprawling on the ground.

"We've gotta find Adam." Buffy said turning to Willow.

"On it." she replied as she sat down at a computer and scanned over the building.

"The enjoining spell is extremely touchy. It's, uh, volatile. We-We can't risk it being interrupted. We need a place that's close to you and quiet." Giles insisted as he leaned over the arm of the chair Willow was sitting in.

"Uh…quiet?" Xander questioned as they all watch the fight unfolding on the monitor.

Buffy was almost physically sick with herself. The fact that people were dieing out there and all she could do was wait around until the spell could take effect so she could kill Adam and help end this insanity.

"How we doing, Will?" Buffy asked, an edge of impatience lingering in her voice.

"Done. Hold on." she said pausing, her eyes fixed on a place on the map of the initiative that was stretch across the computers screen. "According to this, there's air ducts and electrical conduits all running into there."

"So?" What did that have to do with anything?

"So, there's no there there. Look." she told them as she pointed towards the empty spot on the map.

"It's Adam." Buffy realized as she stared at the monitor.

"You sure?" Giles asked uncertainty evident in his clipped British accent.

"It's right behind 314. It makes sense. Can you unlock it?"

"I don't have to. All-All the locks in the Initiative have been disengaged...except for the exits." Willow informed her.

"Demon open house." Xander said as his gaze shifted back to the monitor that showed the massacre occurring not even a few feet from them.

"Great. So we know we're going to 314. Now all we have to do is get there."

Xander, Willow, Giles and Buffy busted through the Colonel's doors, jumping into the fight unraveling before them. Buffy killed any demon that got in their way as they ran towards 314. Riley's friend Graham began firing shots and missed Buffy by an inch.

"Willow, down!" Buffy screamed as the bullets whirled in the air around them. They finally reached 314 and they all stumbled inside.

"Okay, it should be over here." Buffy said as they move a cart from the back corner. Buffy felt for any openings and pulled open the secret door. "Once I'm in, barricade the door behind me. Is this place okay to be Magic Central?"

"It should do." Giles reasoned as guarded the door.

"As long as we don't get blowed up or nothin'." Willow smiled.

"What're the odds of that?" Xander asked sarcastically as they all listened to the sounds of battle leaking through the walls.

"How long before the ritual kicks in?"

"Five minutes, give or take." Giles replied as he started unpacking their materials for the ritual.

"I'll move fast then." she said before turning to go.

"Buffy, I still don't like you going in alone." Xander told her sincerely and she whipped back around to face them.

"I won't be." Buffy sprinted towards an opening and saw Riley sitting upright, unmoving. "Riley!" she shouted, quickly climbing down into the lab area. "Are you hurt?" she asked, but he just stared at her. What was wrong with him? "Say something!" she shouted. Professor Walsh and Dr. Anglemen appeared behind her and she turned to Riley again. "What is this? Why won't you talk to me?"

"He can't. He hasn't been programmed to. He's part of the final phase now...as you were supposed to be." Adam told her as he moved in closer.

"Sorry. I don't jump through hoops on command. I've never really been one to tow the line." she snarked.

"Oh." Adam replied lamely. "Kill her." he demanded.

"I thought you'd never ask." Forrest said happily as he grabbed her from behind. Professor Walsh and Anglemen began to approach her, while she struggled against Forrest arms. As Walsh got closer with the drill Buffy jumped up and kicked her backwards, giving her leverage to break free. She fought Forrest off until he knocked her down and Buffy heard Riley call her name.

"Shut up… and watch me kill her Finn. That's an order." Forrest replied as he pinned her down while Anglemen and Walsh attempted to restrain her. "Is that all you got?"

"No. She's got me." Riley said firmly, pulling out the IV connected to the two undead professors and knocking them unconscious.

"Look who's come off the bench." Forrest grinned moving toward him, but before he got there Buffy kicked him in his face causing her to go down. She got up from the table and ran to Riley.

"I need to get to Adam. Like, now. Are you able?"

"Go." Riley told her squaring his shoulders and turning to face Forrest.

Buffy stole into the room she saw Adam sneak into her earlier.

"Fun, isn't it?" she asked as she watched him stare at the monitors. He was clearly enjoying himself.

"I do appreciate violence." he said smiling.

"Good." Buffy replied before she launched herself at him. Adam punched her in the face before she could reach him, sending her spiraling across the room. Buffy got up and kicked him, then began showering blows. But Adam grabbed her hand and sent her flying into the wall. He came closer to her, his skewer shooting out. Buffy wrapped her fingers around it and snapped it off.

"Broke your arm." she told him smugly.

"Got another." he replied, his other arm sprouting a machine gun. "I've been upgrading." Adam started shooting and Buffy ducked behind the computer console nestled in the corner of the room. He blew up the console and Buffy suddenly stood up, her eyes glowing orange.

"You can't last much longer." Adam smiled before he noticed her unusual appearance.

"We can. We are forever."

"Interesting." Adam said before beginning to fire at her. The bullets stopped in mid air and with a wave of her hand they fell to the ground. She ran over to him and they engaged in a fight. Every move Adam made Buffy dodged and then rained her own punches and kicks. She twisted his arm around his back and he grimaced in pain.

"How...can you-" he tried to choke out.

"You could never hope to grasp the source of our power."

She uppercut him, making him fall to the ground. She picked him up and kicked him against the wall, reaching into him and pulling out his uranium core. "But yours is right here."

Adam groaned and slumped to the floor in a heap while Buffy dropped the slime covered core and stepped over his lifeless body.

Spike finally reached 314 and caught a demon attempting to brake its way in. Just as it pried the door open he jumped on it and snapped its neck.

"Nasty sort of fellow. Lucky for you blighters I was here, eh?" Spike asked panting as he looked down at the three scoobies.

"Yes, thank you." Giles said awkwardly as him and the others got up. Spike just nodded. Well at least they appreciated the gesture.

_How unusual_. Giles was sure after he got in the thick of it Spike would turn on them and serve only himself. Yet he just saved their lives.

"You probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake you right here." Xander replied snidely.

"And why would you do that?" Spike retorted.

"Well...I don't know." Xander sputtered. He did help them so there was no reason but the idea was just so foreign to him, Spike helping them?

Spike just snorted and turned to Giles. "Where's Buffy?"

"Right here." Buffy replied as her and Riley came through the back doors.

"Buffy." Willow said grabbing her into a hug. "Wasn't it amazing?"

"You were great." Xander complimented.

"We were great." Buffy corrected him. They all did it. Not just her. Without them she would never had been able to defeat Adam.

"We still got men out there." Riley said fiercely.

"Well, let's go save 'em, by gum." Spike insisted, flashing a grin towards Buffy. Sge caught his eye and smiled right back.

"You guys get to the exits, get 'em open. You, organize the soldiers, pull 'em back. I'll take point." Buffy directed before starting for the war going on outside the front doors.

"Are you up to this?"

"I am." Buffy replied before her, Spike, Riley, Xander, Willow, and Giles rushed into the fray.


	27. The Count

Okay, Hey there again. This is my new and improved Revelations, Reprecussions, and Revenge. Rewritten and back in action. I hope you guys like it. Reviews are _very _much appreciated.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire  
**

Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Count

Buffy looked up from her plate of mashed potatoes and steak to see her mother smiling with Spike as they discussed the fine subject of old art and the gallery. She smiled along with them despite the fact she had no idea what they were talking about. Some guy named Matisse? Oh well. She liked the fact that they were getting along, but when hadn't they? Spike and mom had always gotten along, even when Spike and Buffy hadn't. They finished up there discussion and Buffy gazed over at the window. It was getting dark. Time for patrol.

"Thanks, Mom. Everything was yummy." Buffy complimented as she finished up the food on her plate.

"Yes. Thank you Joyce. It really was wonderful." Spike insisted as he and Buffy got up to gather the dishes. They exchanged a look, a brief glance before the both of them quickly looked away. Joyce hadn't missed it.

"Hey, you two up for dessert? We could take a drive, get some ice cream." Joyce offered wholeheartedly.

"You know I would, but I kinda have to get out on patrol." Buffy called out grimacing as she dropped the dishes into the sink.

"Now? It's 8:30." Joyce said glancing outside warily. She hated when Buffy had to leave, at least Spike would be with her.

"Well, vamps don't really care what time it is. You know, dark equals dinner bell." Buffy said shrugging. Nope they never gave her a break.

"That is true." Spike added standing towards the back of the room.

"Right, of course. You know, I'm gonna have to get used to this place without you again. It gets so quiet." Joyce sighed as Buffy came back into the dining room.

"I promise to come and visit. We'll make a regular date of this, when school starts." Buffy promised fervently. She really enjoyed being able to spend time with her mom and this summer had been going fantastic.

After they had defeated Adam and helped kill the demons lose in the initiative everything had been slipping back into its usual normalcy, well as close to normal as their lives ever got. Apart from the first slayer attempting to kill her, Giles, Willow and Xander in their sleep. That had been kind of strange, but since then everything had been good. Spike and her patrolled together as usual. Bantering and exchanging stories while they killed the occasional vamp.

Riley had become a constant presence in their Scooby meetings and narrowly avoided any contact with Spike as far as Buffy knew. And with all the spare time Buffy had she was visiting her mother more often then not, occasionally with Spike when her mother insisted on inviting him. So overall things were going good.

"And I'll stop by if anything." Spike told her kindly. Joyce just smiled in appreciation. "Thank you again for dinner."

"No problem. Anytime." she replied with a smile.

"I'm sorry mom but duty calls." Buffy said kissing her mother's cheek and following Spike out the back door.

"Are you always this much of a suck up or isn't only around my mother?" Buffy asked slyly as they turned off Revello drive.

"Well I was a victorian gentlemen way back when and I'd like to think some of the manners are still in there..." Buffy turned and gave him an increduculous look. "Somewhere." he added. Buffy just rolled her eyes. "You don't have to worry about my mom liking you. You're all she talks abotu lately. Where's Spike? And what's he up to? tell him to stop by? Are you two patrolling together?"

"Well I'm glad to hear it. Your mum is a nice lady. Even back when Peaches was around. I remember when I was having problems with Dru your mom, a peach she was. giving me hot chocolate and talking to me like a person. Even when I was evil and all. I'd never had that before. It was nice."

"Oh I remember that. Came home to find you in my kitchen with mom and Angel stuck at the door looking like a crazy person. He was so angry. And mom still stuck up for you after that." Buffy told him, remembering Angel's attempt to play indifferent when he asked why Spike had invite and shaking her head at her mom's stubbornness.

"Yeah I'll admit I teased him a bit." Buffy shot him a glare. "Alrigh' maybe more then a bit. But you don't understand it's always been this way, since Dru introduced me to him."

_"Oh. Such a hungry little kitty. Meow." Drusilla said playfully pushing him back as they walk into the lobby. "You've been a starved one, haven't you, my sweet Willy?"_

_"I've got you to feast on now, pet." Spike growled snaking his arm around her waist as they walked through some sort of lobby. "Is this your home?"_

_**"**__Their home." she said, pointing to the corpses lieing on the floor. "Ambassador to...something and his plump, lovely wife. Till their spirits flew away on fairy wings. Psst. When Angelus took them for dinner." she whispered._

_**"**__Angelus? Who the bloody hell's Angelus?" Spike gawked, turning around to see Angelus lurking in the shadows in a nearby doorway. He was so young. And had no idea what he was gettign into._

_**"**__Look what I made. It's called Willy." Drusilla boasted, runnign her fingers across his arm._

_"William." Spike corrected confidently, sticking his chest out. He wasn't about to bow down like the old william would. He was fresh. New. Coursing with lenergy. He could feel it in every limb every inch of his body. And it felt good._

_**"**__Where's Darla? I want Darla to see William." Drusilla cooed proudly._

_**"**__Darla and I had a little spat. Her precious master sent for her. You know Darla. Master's pet."_

_**"**__Oh. Poor Angelus." she whimpered sadly._

_**"**__Ah, don't fret, Dru. We'll make up. Always do. Mmm. Ow. After a little tit for tat. Shouldn't let that spoil our fun here. (looks at William, checking him out) So, instead of just feeding off of this William... you went and turned him into one of us. Another rooster in the henhouse."_

_"You're not cross with me, are you?" she asked timidly._

_**"**__Cross? Do you have any idea what it's like having nothing but women as travel companions, night in and night out?" Angelus asked as he grabbed Spike's arm and pulled into the beams from the sunlight._

_**"**__Touch me again."_

_**"**__Don't mistake me. I do love the ladies. It's just lately... I've been wondering... what it'd be like... to share the slaughter of innocents... with another man. Don't... don't think that makes me some kind of a deviant, hmm? Do you?" angelus asked as he put his own hand into the sun and watched it sizzle. Spike felt accepted. Wanted. Like he finally belonged somewhere. He stuck his hand into the sun and both of their hands started to burn as they laughed together._

_"Au ah! I like this one! You and me, we're gonna be the best of friends." _Right.

"Oh I don't mean about that. I mean, sure he was annoyed, well beyond annoyed but he was mad you still had an invite when he didn't." Buffy shrugged as they reached the gate.

"Oh I bet that brassed him off. What did he say?" Spike asked grinning. He loved to hear he got under Angel's skin.

"Not a thing. I could just tell he was upset. Angel is not one for many facial expressions so when he's feeling something it's pretty easy to guess." Spike nodded in understanding and they dropped the subject as they made they're way into restfield. Spike stood back and watched Buffy take down an older vamp all on her own. He had to admit he loved watching her. She was so graceful and the way she moved made him feel…alive again. Just as she staked the unlucky ponce Spike saw smoke swirling behind her and a voice he knew all too well spoke out.

"Very impressive hunt." he complimented as he moved closer to her. Buffy whirled around to face him. "Such power."

Buffy was about to react when Spike suddenly jumped in front of her. "So finally come back for some closure, eh?" Spike quipped as he stood between Buffy and the vampire in front of him. Buffy just stared at the two in confusion. Spike knew this guy?

"Spike." the vampire said amused. "How good it is to see you. I hope you weren't planning on taking this one, I have plans for her."

"Come near the girl and I'll kill you myself." Spike growled his eyes flashing yellow.

"Because it worked so well last time?" he asked in an accent Buffy couldn't seem to pinpoint. It was European. Not British. But something else…

"Yeah you got off lucky last time and you still owe me eleven pounds. Don't think I forgot."

"Spike what the hell is going on?" Buffy asked annoyed. She hasn't even got these guys name yet. "You know this guy?"

"Oh we go way back." the vampire drawled, smiling as Spike turned towards Buffy.

"This poncy bugger is Dracula." Spike said in annoyance. Nothing so special about him anyway.

"Dracula?" she asked incredulously. "Get out! You mean the guy, _the_ count? And you're sure this isn't just some fan boy thing? Cause ... I've fought more than a couple of pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat."

"You know who I am. As I would now without question that you are Buffy Summers." he replied moving closer to her, but not getting too close due to the fact that Spike was in the way.

"You've heard of me?" she asked, the reality of it sinking in. Wow.

"Naturally. You are known throughout the world." he said simply.

"Naw. Really?" she asked bashfully. Wow vampires even knew her across the globe. That was something.

"Why else would I come here? For the sun? I came to meet the renowned ... Killer."

"Yeah, I prefer the term slayer. You know, killer just sounds so…" Unmixy.

"Naked?" he asked seductively and Spike growled again. He didn't like this. He didn't like it at all.

"Like I ... paint clowns or something. I'm the good guy, remember?" she said in a duh tone of voice.

"Perhaps, but your power is rooted in darkness. You must feel it." he said waving his hand in front of him.

"No. Actually I'm feeling kind of bored." she said before moving Spike aside to stake him.

"Buffy wait!" Spike shouted as she launched the stake at Dracula's heart but he was already gone by the time the stake was lifted in the air. She twisted around and saw him standing there, she lunged again left only with empty space, her eyes flitting around her.

"Okay that's cheating." she said her eyes falling on Spike. "Did you know he could do that?"

"I tried to warn you." he said defensively. No but she had to jump the gun. Now he could be anywhere.

"Hey Buff. Whats up?" Xander asked with his trademarked goofy grin. "Oh look who it is, Captain Peroxide."

"Whelp." Spike said without taking his eyes off the graveyard.

"You look like you just saw a-" Willow started to say before Buffy cut her off.

"Guys get out of here now!" Buffy yelled as her and Spike scoured the area.

"Fine, but I was gonna give you a sip of my double-mint mocha, but.." Xander trailed off and Buffy pointed towards him.

"Behind you." Buffy said in warning, pointing her stake towards Dracula.

"Hi." Willow choked out moving towards Buffy and Spike.

"Nice. Look who's got a bad case of dark prince envy." Xander chuckled, taking a sip of his double-mint mocha nonchalantly.

"I have no interest in you. Leave us." Dracula ordered them."No, we're not going to 'leave you.' And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? Vun, two, three - three victims. Mwa ha ha!" Xander mocked as Buffy stared at him in concern.

"Uh Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula." she informed him. He jumped up as if shocked and hurried behind Buffy.

"Wow, really? Hey, sorry, man, I was ... just jokin' around." he said trying to laugh it off."This is not the time. I will see you soon." Dracula promised before sweeping his arms and transforming into a bat.

"Ooh bat! Bat!" she screeched, ducking down with the others as Dracula flew overhead.

"Bloody hell." Spike said looking up towards the sky.

xxxxxxxx

"And then Buffy's all, 'Look out!' And then frigging Dracula's standing right behind us." Xander said dramatically as he sat on the sofa beside Anya."And then, he lunges at us, like whoosh!" Willow exclaimed, making hand gestures.

"He totally looked shorter in person." Xander added."I told you he'd heard of me, right? I mean, can you believe that? Count Famous heard of me." Buffy gushed as Giles nodded impatiently."I couldn't believe it the first twenty times you told us, but it's starting to sink in now. " Riley said bitterly. "I'm sorry. Am I repeat-o-girl? I was just ... blown away." she explained, justifying herself. They would be blown away too if he knew them.

"It's not that surprising that he's heard of you, Buffy. You are the slayer." Riley reasoned. It would only make sense he knew her."I guess. Just - the way he said it, you know, I mean, he made it sound so…" she stopped trying to come up with a word. It was like she was drawn into him while he spoke."Sexy? I bet he made it sound sexy." Willow finished grinning, as Tara came and sat on the arm of her chair.

"Kinda. He of the dark penetrating eyes and lilty accent." Buffy admitted, visualizing him again. He did have a sort of mysterious demeanor.

"I wonder if he knows Frankenstein."

"You thought Dracula was sexy?" Tara asked suddenly insecure.

"Oh! No. He, he was ... Yuck." Willow reassured her, sticking her tongue out in mock disgust.

"Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing? Yucko." Anya said rolling her eyes. Of course they think he's sexy. He totally is.

"How would you know?" Xander asked curiously.

"Well, we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days, you know, once or twice. He's pretty cool." Anya told him wistfully. Everyone eyed her and she shrugged. "You know, from, from a whole ... evil thing perspective."

"Please. He was no big whoop." Xander said rolling his eyes and scoffing.

"No big whoop? What about that thing where he turned himself into a bat? That was awesome!" Willow told them excitedly.

"It must have been, yes. I must admit, I'm sorry I missed that." Giles said smiling sadly.

"Me too! The whole time I was thinking, 'Gosh, I wish Giles were here, he'd know what to do!'" Willow said seriously while Giles smiled tolerantly, knowing what she was trying to do. "Didn't you guys ... think that?"

"Actually, I was more thinking, 'Bat!'" Buffy said waving her hands over her head in explanation.

"How come he can do that?" Xander wondered aloud. That was just freaky.

"I have no idea. There's a great deal of myth about Dracula. I imagine the trick to defeating him lies in separating the fact from the fiction."

"Great point! That is so Giles, to think of something like that, you know? That, that we ... would have never…" Willow trailed off, her brows furrowing.

"Well Spike knew the guy so maybe we can get something off him. We should take things slow with Dracula. I mean, he said that we would meet again, but I would like to avoid that until we do some serious homework."

"I don't know. I mean, he may have a bunch of swell party tricks, but he's still just a vampire. I say we load up with stakes and crossbows and go after him now. Who cares what Spike has to say." Riley insisted.

"Second." Xander agreed, raising his arm.

"No, Buffy's right. Dracula's too slick to fall for the usual stuff. Spike will be able to help. I mean he's fought the guy before." Anya said nonchalantly.

"They said something about that. I wonder what happened." Buffy said, wondering what the story was. It sounded really interesting or horrible. One of the two.

"Something about a book and two vamp chicks. I didn't pay much attention to the story. Vampires didn't really interest me." she said shrugging. Buffy made a note to ask him about it.

"So we hold off. No killing until we know exactly what we're dealing with." Buffy told them nodding. "You're not just saying that because of those dark penetrating eyes of his, are you?" Riley inquired, eye brows raised."What? Noo, his eyes were- They were - there wasn't any penetration. Cross my heart." she said looking at the others sheepishly.

"All right. Willow, you and Tara find out everything you can about the actual legend of Vlad the Impaler on the Internet, I'll check the library. And Buffy talk to Spike." Giles suggested as they all got up to leave.

"If the Initiative was still around, we'd be able to find everything on this guy in a few hours." Riley said eagerly. He wished things could be done faster, he couldn't stand the thought of this Dracula guy getting his hands on her.

"We might not be as fast, but we'll find him. You guys, we'll reconvene here in the morning." Everyone mumbled their goodbyes and set off, leaving Buffy and Riley in the living room. "I'm gonna go talk to Spike. See ya tomorrow?" Buffy asked brightly.

"Yeah. See you tomorrow. Goodnight Buffy." Riley said longingly.

"Night Riley." she said giving a small wave and setting off towards rest field. She hadn't gone far when Spike caught up to her. "Hey."

"Heard you need information."

"You were listening." Buffy said hands on her hips. If he wanted to know wha twas happening he could have come inside.

"Yeah, a bit."

"So how do you know Dracula?"

"We're old rivals." Spike said as he got swept away in memories as he told her about it.

_It was 1898 in London, England. Him and Dru entered a quaint book store where they found the book that had changed theirs and every other vampire's existence. Dracula by the bloody ponce Bram Stoker. Dru begged him to buy it and so he did, coughing up eleven pounds because it was signed by the author._

_Dru told him what a convenience it was for the humans but he thought the exact opposite. Because of it the whole world had a handbook on how to kill them._

_Not only did he have to deal with that but Spike was busy attempting to persuade Dru to forget about her sire, and his grandsire, Angelus. All she did was complain about her daddy. Saying he was the Angel- beast and what not. It was driving him insane. Angelus had lost his soul by then and Drusilla and Darla had been completely heartbroken about it. So much that Darla went off and got involved with Dracula who captured her under his thrall promising to get rid of the pain Angelus brought her. When him and Dru showed up, she was so far in they didn't have a hope of digging her out. Not to mention Spike had he had a bone to pick with the infamous Dracula._

"_This is bloody ridiculous. You went and let the world know just how to finish us off you ponce." Spike yelled at the tall, long haired vampire who stood in his mansion's living room, Darla hanging all over him._

"_This book is fabricated rubbish. No reason to fret." he said snatching it from Spike's hand and throwing the book into the fire place. The flames licked at the pages and burned it to ash. Dru let out a whimper and Spike growled in fury._

"_Don't!" Darla screamed as Spike moved in on Dracula. "Please. This is the only way we can get over the agony Angelus has brought us. If we let him be our leader." she encouraged, putting a hand on Dracula's chest._"_I want my eleven pounds!" Spike yelled and Dracula began to sway taking Dru under his thrall._

It had been a while since he'd even heard about Dracula. Not since September, 1943. And the nerve he'd had. Made a deal with the nazi leader hitler and tried to offer him, along with the prince of lies and Nostroyev, up to the german government. Except Angel was there to thwart their plans and deliver the sub and all the information on it to the U.S. government. Thank god for that. Although he did have to swim all the way back to shore when Angel kicked him out. It was almost daylight too. Bastard.

Now 'the count' was in Sunnydale coming after Buffy and that just wasn't going to cut it.

"But then he got famous, forgot all about his foes. I'll tell you what. That glory hound's done more harm to vampires than any slayer. His story gets out, and suddenly everybody knows how to kill us. You know, the mirror bit?" Spike told her.

"But he's not just a regular vampire. I mean, he has special powers, right?" Buffy asked, hinting at the bat transformation and smoke screen stuff they saw earlier.

"Nothing but showy gypsy stuff. He's still a regular vamp. Dust's like one too, but you're not gonna catch him napping in a crypt. No, the count has to have his luxury estate and his bug-eaters and his special dirt, don't he?" Spike said rolling his eyes.

"So you're saying I should check out mansions, that sort of thing?"

"That's where you'll find him." Spike confirmed lighting up a cigarette and taking a long drag.

Spike growled again and vamped out. What made Dracula a better leader then him? He was fully capable of taking over their group.

He tried to attack him but Dracula had easily thwarted Spike and throwing him into the fire that burned in the chimney. Spike frantically tried to shake off the flames causing him to fall through the open window. Two days later he returned to Dracula's castle accompanied by an angry mob. The mob almost killed Dracula while Spike helped Darla and Dru escape Dracula's clutches, but not before leaving a single note reading. 'P.S. You still owe me eleven pounds.' Which he was completely adamant about.

So Spike definitely had plenty of reason to hate the guy.


	28. Thrall

So, chapter twenty-eight. We're moving into more AU territory soon. Remember no Dawn. No Glory. My own big bad hell god this time. Don't forget to review. Thanks for reading and enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Twenty- Eight: Thrall

"Okay. You're the best." Buffy said gratefully, flashing her biggest grin before impulsively planting a kiss on Spike's cheek. _Oh crap. Why did I do that? _She pulled away, eyes wide._ Okay don't look him in the eye just walk away and maybe he wont say anything_. Wow what was she...still in high school? And this was Spike. Stupid vampire, who happened to be very chiseled and muscely. And who had stupid bleached hair that should look really stupid but somehow he made look attractive. Spike reached up and touched his cheek lightly as it burned from the touch of her lips. "I better go." She turned to leave but before she could get far he ran towards her and caught her arm. Buffy looked down at his fingers curling around her arm and she noticed the chipped black nail polish he had on. she almost rolled her eyes.

"Buffy. You have to be careful. He's going to try and come for you when no one's around. It's what he does." Spike warned her. He didn't want Dracula coming anywhere near her. He didn't any man even two feet from her, but there wasn't much he could do about that.

"I'll be fine. I can handle myself." she said tugging on her arm, his fingers loosened. He was being so...protective? No Spike didn't get protective. He just... he just really doesn't like Dracula that's it.

Buffy walked home and got ready for bed, putting her special sushi pajama's on and brushing her teeth before walking towards her bedroom window and gazing out into the yard. Spike was outside. She could feel it. Not to mention the small orange glow from the cigarette he was smoking. "Stupid vampire." she grumbled, hoping he heard it, as she laid down for bed. Her thoughts filled with the blonde vampire standing not even a few yards from her window. Before she knew it she was asleep. She stayed that way for a few minutes until there was a wind that ruffled her sheets and she bolted straight up with a gasp as Dracula hovered at the foot of her bed.

"You are magnificent." Dracula drawled as he moved closer to her.

"I bet you say that before you bite all the girls." she quipped as she gulped nervously. She could feel something sweeping through her. Like she was losing control and there was nothing she could do about it.

"No, you are different. Kindred." He took a few steps closer to her and she shifted uncomfortably.

"Kindred? Hardly, I-" she said timidly. No she wasn't kindred. Did he think she was? Why did she care?

"Pull your hair back." he interrupted and Buffy swept the hair from her neck, without wanting to. _What is going on? _She was taking orders from a vampire? Since when? This was definitely not of the good.

"This isn't how I ... usually fight." she mumbled self-consciously, glancing out the window. No usually she was fists of fury and now she was...blushing? "You think you can just waft in here with your music video wind and your hypno-eyes…" she trailed off as he sat on the bed beside her. Apparently he could.

"I have searched the world over for you. I have yearned for you. For a creature whose darkness rivals my own." He put his hand on her chin and moved her head aside. He saw the scar that Angel left and gently traced his fingers along the mark. "You have been tasted."

"He was-" my boyfriend.

"Unworthy. He let you go. But you still remember." he said brushing her cheek with his fingertips.

"No." she squeaked as she tried to make herself brake free of him.

"Do not fight. I can feel your hunger." he told her sinking his teeth into her neck causing her to gasp. Ow.

Spike heard Dracula thralling Buffy from where he stood outside and his demon took over. No chance in hell was Dracula going to hurt his girl. He took a few steps back and leaped onto her window frame, smashing through the glass and pulling himself in.

"Damn right peaches was unworthy. Thats one thing you and I can agree on." Spike quip ped standing upright and brushing off the shards of glass stuck to his duster. He left her. Should have never been given the privilege to touch her. "Now am I going to have to hurt you or are you going to step away from the girl?" Spike asked as his vampire visage took over. He stopped for a minute and thought about what he just said. No way he was going to let him go. "Well either way I'm going to stake you, but if you let her go I promise to make it quick." he smiled, over confident and swaggering.

"You again." Dracula said rolling his eyes in annoyance. "It's alright. You will come to me." he said to her before turning to fog and wisping out the window.

"Did I not tell you?" Spike complained, shaking his vampire features away. "I said he would come for you. I was right wasn't I?"

"Yeah. Whatever. Why doesn't he thrall you instead of me?" Buffy asked in irritation as she grabbed an old t-shirt and wiped the blood from her neck. Spike just sat on the edge of her bed and shrugged.

"He's tried before, but I guess I got an anti thrall thing going on. Lucky me." Buffy looked towards her window and sighed.

"How am I going to explain that to mom?" she groaned eyeing up the broken window that covered a good two thirds of her bedroom floor. _Hey mom, really sorry about the window but some freakishly tall, really old famous vampire with lots of party tricks broke into my room last night to bite and possibly kill me but no worries, Spike crashed through the window to save me. _That would freak her out too much. Maybe I'll just tell her there was a bad storm or something?

"Sorry." he said sheepishly. "I didn't have much time to think."

Buffy got up and went to examine the damage. "You jumped from all the way down there?" she asked astonished as she gazed down at the ground. She had to admit. Impressive.

"Yeah well I had a running start." he shrugged and Buffy went and sat on the bed next to him.

"Xander'll be able to fix it. No biggie." Buffy said smiling. "I mean I definitely prefer broken window to broken Buffy. Thanks for saving me from, you know, dieing."

"He wasn't going to kill you…completely. Just turn you." Spike told her, gritting his teeth at the thought.

"Even better." she said sarcastically before getting up and nestling under the covers.

"You need to steer clear of him so he doesn't take you under his thrall again. Get the scoobies to take care of it. I'll help if you need it."

"Yeah I'll do that." Buffy said absently.

"I'm gonna go. 'm sure drac's done for the night. Should I take the window or the front door?"

"Uh door would be nice." she said before thinking better of it. No, if he went throguh the door, mom might hear. "Actually less questions if you just go through the window."

"Alright. G'night Slayer." Spike said sweetly as she began dozing off. He walked to her bedside and kissed her forehead. "Oh and Buffy?"

"Hmmm?" she mumbled softly.

"Nicw pajama's." he grinned before climbing out the window.

"Night Spike." she whispered sleepily chuckling at his comment.

xxxxxxxxx

"Here's a jelly one, you want it?" Riley asked, holding up the donut in front of Buffy's face while she sat on Giles' couch. His overhelpfulness was not helping put Buffy in the best mood.

"No." she said shaking her head.

"Got it! Got it. Mine, mine." Xander exclaimed rushing from the kitchen and snatching the donut from Riley's hand.

"Well, I think we have Dracula factoids." Willow informed everyone with a smile. Oh great more Dracula talk. She should tell them about last night.

"Like any of that's enough to fight the dark master." Xander scoffed while everyone gave him a strange look and he swallowed the donut in his mouth. "…bator." he finished lamely, causing the others to turn away.

"A lot of it we already knew. Turnoffs: wood, fire, crosses, garlic. Turn-on's: nice duds, minions, long slow bites that last for days…" Willow trailed off wistfully.

"Yeah, I uh talked to Spike. He said Dracula likes to live in style. Which means we can rule out the usual dumps vampires haunt." Buffy told them before becoming distant again. It was a call. It felt like she needed to be somewhere. She wondered silently why she wasn't telling them about Dracula biting her. Or that Spike saved her, but something was telling her not to.

"Ah! But he's smart enough to figure that we probably already know that. I'm guessing he's lying low." Xander said unconvincingly.

"Actually, my research backs Spike up. Drac isn't the lay-low type." Willow confirmed.

"So we can, uh, check out the nicer places. Don't you think, Buffy?" Giles asked a dazed Buffy. She didn't respond and Xander got up and started pacing. "Buffy?"

"Yeah. We'll check all the swanky places first. What else did you guys get?" she asked trying to shake off whatever was trying to pul her attention away.

"Well, Willow has most of it, actually." Giles said sitting back in his chair.

"Only because you gave me super pointers! I never would have…" Willow started to ramble but Giles cut her off. "Just go ahead, Willow."

"OK. Dracula's modus operandi is different from other vampires. He will kill just to feed, but he'd rather have a connection with his victims. And he has all of these mental powers to draw them in. He can read and control minds... appear in dreams…"

"Uh huh." Buff said absently, fiddling with her scarf.

"Makes sense. That stare ... he just kinda ... looked right through you. Didn't you feel it, Buffy?" Willow asked and Buffy immediately jumped up.

"No. No, I didn't." she insisted, arms crossed. What was with her? Why was she lying?

"See! Buffy didn't feel it. I think you're drawing a lot of crazy conclusions about the unholy prince." Xander shouted before realizes his mistake. "...bator." he tried to add."The point is, though he goes through the motions of an intimate seduction, the end result is the same. He turns them into a vampire." Giles concluded and Buffy just mulled that over.

"Well. That _is _intimate. Dracula's gifting these ladies with his own blood. And blood - Blood is life." Xander told them, correcting himself as he slammed his hand down on a spider. "According to them."

"Um ... Just be aware that he, he tends to form a relationship with his prey. It's not enough for him to take her. She must want to be taken. She must ... burn for him." Giles explained and Buffy stood up and looked at them.

"That's ... interesting. I'm gonna go find him." Buffy said turning towards the front door.

"You shouldn't go by yourself, Buffy. I mean, this guy's seriously dangerous." Riley warned trying to keep her from leaving. She neared the door and placed her fingers on the cool metal handle. "It's cool, I got it."

Suddenly the front door busted open causing Buffy to stagger back and Spike closed the door behind him, throwing his blanket to the ground.

"What are you doing here Spike?" Riley asked in annoyance. "Don't you have somewhere to be? Like licking your own noseblood or something? Maybe even at the bronze attempting to scare people out of their money."

"Whats it to you Cap'n Cardboard? I've had about enough of you." Spike growled turning toward Riley menacingly.

"Oh yeah? I'd say do something about it but it seems you can't." Riley answered smugly.

"Okay well I'm gonna go." Buffy said as she attempted to duck out.

"Don't let her leave!" Spike shouted standing in front of the door.

"Take off that scarf." Riley demanded as she tried to push past Spike.

"What? No." she said putting her hand on her scarf.

"She's under Dracula's thrall. He busted into her room last night and put her under. I told her to stay away from him but its pretty strong. I've seen it before." Spike told the scoobies, ripping the scarf off her neck.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Giles asked in disbelief as Buffy just bit her lip in embarrassment.

"Cause she didn't want to worry us, right Buffster? It's nothin'. Just a scratch." Xander said, trying to cover fo her.

"Two deep, puncture-y scratches." Willow corrected him.

"I'm not sure why I tried to hide it. Uh, there was just this voice, and it was, it was telling me to cover it." she told them, shoulders slumped.

"And what did I tell you? That's thrall." Spike said smugly. Did he not tell her?

"You're saying Dracula has some sort of freaky mind control over her? You're watching too many creature features, man."

"I don't think. I know. I've seen it before." Spike said angrily. Yeah, he'd seen it alright. It was like a night of the living rerun. Dracula trying to take the woman he loved.

"It does seem like he has this ... control over me, I ... even though a big part of me is resisting."

"No, that's okay. It's understandable that there would be transference. With Angel and everything. I mean, they're both broody immortals." Riley reasoned jealously.

"I am not transfer-y." she said dismayed as the others looked at her warily.

"You can't go anywhere near him again." Spike told her.

"Spike's right, you should - you should stay out of sight. Let the rest of us look for Dracula." Giles suggested.

"I can't go home. He already got inside once." Buffy said sadly. "You can come over to my place. I'll make sure you stay put." Xander offered helpfully.

"Good. Riley and I…" Giles caught Spike's eye. "And Spike can... search for Dracula, and Willow, you and Tara could do a protection spell on Buffy's mother's house, and prevent him from returning."

"Got it." Willow nodded before setting off for Buffy's. ander brought Buffy over to his place where Anya sat on the couch complaining that she didn't get to go.

"What time is it?" Xander asked impatiently.

"Uh, almost six." she said looking down at her watch. "Look, I mean, I'm the one who knows him, I-I'm the one who had a really good look at him, and so, I mean, what-" Anya shrieked as Xander pushed her inside his closet, Buffy completely oblivious on the couch.

"I'm supposed to deliver you to the master now." Xander told her simply. "There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?"

"Take me to him." she insisted emotionlessly. She felt in control. Maybe she was becoming immune? She'd have Xander lead her to him and then she'd stake him when he least expected it. Ha Thrall shmall. _I'll show Spike_.

Spike, Riley and Giles went all across town. Visiting mansion after mansion, finally it began to get dark and Spike came up from the sewers when they found the last place on the list.

"I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before?" Riley asked the two walking beside him.

"A castle?" Giles asked as they reached the grounds.

"A big honking castle." Riley replied, nodding.

"Not that special. Belonged to some old wanker a few hundred years ago. If you payed attention maybe you would have noticed." Spike said shrugging. Giles just shook his head and Riley rolled his eyes before all three of them walked through the front door. Once inside they split up and Spike wound up running into Xander.

"Nobody harms my master." Xander said firmly, squaring his shoulders and preparing to attack.

"Master?" Spike asked with a a roll of his eyes. God damn thrall. Even worked on Harris.

"You want him? You come through me." he insisted.

"Oh bloody hell." God this was gonna hurt, but it'd be worth it. Spike lifted his fist and knocked Xander out. Electricty seared through his head and Spike let out a muffled cry of pain, before shaking it off. Pain could wait, Buffy couldn't. Not forever anyway.


	29. Buffy vs Dracula

Hello Chapter twenty-nine. So this one's more in cannon then some other one's but hopefully you'll like it anyway. And leave me a nice loaded review. Thanks for reading and enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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**Denial, Despair and Desire**

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Buffy vs. Dracula

Spike straightened his duster and stepped over Xander walking through the wooden door he had been protecting while Riley stopped in his tracks and watched dumbly.

"Where do you think you're going?" Riley questioned suspiciously. Spike was up to something.

"Well, I was planning on finding Dracula and staking him right and proper. What did you have in mind?" Spike asked him aggravated. Cap'n Cardboard really didn't get it. If he took a few seconds and actually applied himself instead of being the magnificent poof he was, maybe they would actually find something. God, it was like watching Peaches all over again. Same personality. Self-righteous.

"You're up to something. You better not be working with him, because I won't even give Buffy a chance to say no before I shove a stake throguh you're chest. Got it?" Riley warned fiercely. He didn't care what the other's said. Spike did one thing thing out of line and he was dust.

"Maybe you should stick to your hopeless pursuit of Buffy instead of thinking up convaluted conspiracies in that chip controlled head of yours, eh? Let's not forget who helped Adam lure the slayer into a trap and almost got her killed, soldier boy." Spike retorted.

"Whatever, we dont have time for this Spike. Just remember what I said. I'm gonna go this way." Riley said firmly before stalking off in the opposite direction.

"You do that." Spike answered triumphantly as he ventured into the dimly lit hallway. Looks like Ol' Spike got under someone's skin. Well good. It's what the pathetic sod deserved.

Spike strolled down the long hallway looking for any sign of Dracula but was suprised to hear...panting? He opened the closest door and almost fell into a deep hole, sweeping the room over, it appeared to be fully pitted as a trap. Looking down he saw Giles covered in three female vampires who were hanging all over him. he could smell all of their arousal, including the watcher and he shook his head. He had a half a mind to leave him there, but he knew Buffy would never forgive him if he did.

"C'mon watcher, get up. Unless you want to be their next meal I suggest you move it." Spike sighed before extending his arm to help.

"Thank god you came." Giles breathed as he latched his hand to Spike's. "There was no possible escape." he said nodding sadly as Spike lifted him out. Spike rolled his eyes. Giles looked down at his sock and his eye brows flew up. "Oh, my shoe. Silly me, I'll just pop-"

"No. Come on." Look at Old Rupes trying to get action with some fledgings. Must not have gotten a good shag in... well ever.

xxxxxxxx

"I knew you'd come." Dracula stated a suggestive smile hanging on his lips as he admired the girl standing before him. She was truly beautiful, he would enjoy the plea's for immortality that would escape her lips. Pissing off _Spike _was just an unplanned yet exquisite benefit. He was looking forward to his reaction. It would be... amusing.

Buffy laughed internally as she played the part. Oh was in for a surprise. "Why? Because I'm under your thrall?" Buffy asked before dropping the dazed expression on her face and whipping out her stake. "Well, guess again, pal."

"Put the stake down." he commanded calmly.

"Okay." she replied easily setting it down and staring at her hand in surprise. She did not do that. That was stupid. Why did she do that? "Right. That ... was not ... you. I did that. I did that because ... I wanted to." This was so not going the way she expected. "Maybe I should rethink that thrall thing." she whimpered. Okay Spike was right. Spike was right. What did she do now? "Stay away from me." She warned feebly her voice wasn't doing her any favors as he sauntered over to her.

"Are you afraid I will bite you?" Dracula wondered idly. He could see it in her eyes. She wanted it. "Slayer, that's why you came."

"No. Last night ... it's not gonna happen again." She told him shakily. Okay even she had to admit that didn't sound very convinving.

"Stop me. Stake me." He suggested smiling. She couldn't. He knew it. Stupid thrall.

"I... Any minute now." She insisted looking down at the stake and back up him warily. This really sucked.

"Do you know why you cannot resist?" he asked as he traced his slender fingers over the smooth wooden grain of the tabletop as he made his way toward her, slowly but surely.

"Cause you're famous?" she shrugged, taking a careful step back. Okay a plan. She needed a plan.

"Because you do not want to." He replied, stepping forward so he was barely an inch away from her. His cool breath fanned her neck and she tugged harder at the invisible force pulling her in.

"My friends-" Her friends would come for her. She knew it. It was just a matter of time. They were probably looking for her right now.

"They're here. They will not find us. We are alone." Buffy gulped. So much for that. "Always alone."

He started to circle her and she stood stock still attempting to do something about her obvious lack of will power, but failing miserably. "There is so much I have to teach you. Your history, your power ... what your body is capable of…" he whispered in her ear as he stood behind her.

"I don't need to know." Oh but she wanted to. She wanted to know about her history and her power.

"You long to." Okay maybe. "And you will have eternity to discover yourself. But first ... a little taste." he said excitedly as he came face to face with her.

"I won't let you." No, he was not going to drink from her. Not this time.

"I didn't mean for me." He said slyly before taking his sharp yellowing nail to the pale skin of his wrist and making a small slice. The blood began to flow steadily before slowly ebbing to a faint dribble, which dripped down the length of his arm.

"What are you-" she asked horrified. Ew. No. No way, did he think she was going to...?

"All those years fighting us. Your power so near to our own...and you've never once wanted to know what it is that we fight for? Never even a taste?" he asked suggestively as he lifted his arm towards Buffy's mouth.

"If I drink that-" I'll become like him. A vampire. No.

"I have not drunk enough for you to change. You must be near death to become one of us. And that comes only when you plead for it." he explained easily. Like it was some casual thing. which it totally wasn't.

"I'm not hungry." She said stalling. Trying her best to resist tasting his blood, but the more she tried to get away the closer he got.

"No. Your craving goes deeper than that. You think you know ... what you are ... what's to come. You haven't even begun." Buffy's eyes found his before drifting towards his arm. She hesitantly took his hand in both of hers and pressed her lips to his bloody wrist taking slow drags. "Find it. The darkness. Find your true nature." He cooed softly as she sucked at the crimson liquid.

Suddenly her eyes opened wide and she was hit with a series of images. She was running, staking vampires, talking to Spike, researching with the gang, staking some more vamps. Then there was a shock of electricity that coursed through her veins leaving her state of mind clear and unrestrained. There was no thrall, she had her own free will. She pulled her lips away from his wrist.

"Wow." Buffy immediatley shoved Dracula's hand and pushed him away. He landed on the table with a thud and slid to the end of it on his back. a look of utter confusion placed on his face.

"That was gross." She said as she walked over to him.

"You are resisting." He awknowledged angrily as he stood up.

"Looks like." Yep. No more thrall. she told Spike she could handle it. Okay so maybe it didn't go exactly as she planned but still. She wasn't dead or a vampire so she'd have to say this was a sucess. Somewhat atleast.

"Come here. Come to me." he commanded but Buffy stood in place. She resisted the urge to laugh in his face, so she could spit out the quip bubbling to her lips.

"You know, I really think the thrall has gone out of our relationship. But I want to thank you for opening up my eyes a little." Buffy quipped as Dracula righted himself. If he'd done one thing at all it was the fact that she did want to know about the slayer line. Where her power came from.

"What is this?" he asked appalled at her rebellion. _Geez, this guy has one big ego. Almost as big as Spike's._

"My true nature. You want a taste?" she asked darkly.

Dracula sailed through the air as he launched himself at Buffy, but his arms caught empty air as she jumped over his head and spun around kicking him into a nearby wall. Buffy threw a few punches before Dracula grabbed her arm and threw her onto the table.

Buffy quickly got to her feet and showered blows on him before he gripped her by her arms and slammed her against the wall. She kicked him in his chest, causing him to fly back onto the table. She he ran over to where he was, struggling to get upright and as he stood up she swept him off his feet with a chair. He kicked her, sending her into the wall where she grabbed a torch as he rolled off the table. They both stopped and stared at each other from opposite sides.

"A guy like you should think about going electric. Seriously." She suggested earnestly before Dracula growled and dissapated to smoke.

Buffy watched as the gray vapor floated up the second floor and she grabbed her stake, leaving the torch behind as she flew up the stairs. Just as she stopped Dracula materialized infront of her, a look of shock splayed across his features. "How do you like my darkness now?" she asked as she plunged the stake into his chest.

Dracula gasped in pain and fell down the stairs before exploding into dust. Buffy tucked her stake back into her pants before ambling down the stairwell proudly. Yep. she took on Dracula. And won. She reached the end of the stairwell and found Riley, Spike, and a disheveled Giles standing together. Well Giles was standing while Spike and Riley were at each others throats...again. She stood their for a moment before the two of them noticed her.

"Buffy! You okay?" Riley's asked as he ran to her side. Buffy heard Spike mutter something like 'golden retriever' and she couldn't help but giggle.

"Yeah. Chock full of free will." She replied smiling.

"And Dracula?" Riley wondered with concern, looking towards the stairwell.

"Euro trashed."

"Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?" Xander yelled furiously as he ran towards them, torch in hand. ready to fight. Spike noticed the black eye the whelp had and bit back a laugh.

"He's gone." Buffy replied reassuringly. Poor Xander.

"Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!" he said furiously, huffing and furrowing his think brows.

Giles, Riley, Buffy and Spike nodded and attempted to look solemn and completely serious but each one of them was struggling.

"Check. No more butt-monkey." Buffy promised biting her lip to keep the smile from spreading.

"It coulda been worse. At least you weren't making time with the dracu-babes like Giles here." Riley said comforting him while Giles turned a deep shade of red.

"I was not making time! I was just about to kill those loathsome creatures when Spike interrupted me." he insisted as they all began to file out.

"You were gonna nuzzle 'em to death?" Riley asked slyly as they walked toward the exit.

"Of course not! I was in complete...control." Giles tried to say before sighing in defeat. Okay he was making time but so what?

"Buffy." Spike said stopping her as Riley, Xander, and Giles filed out.

"I'm all over it. Don't even worry about it." she replied, carefully making her way back up the stairwell where the dust pile that was once Dracula started to reform. Buffy tapped her foot as she waited, finally the silver smoke reshaped and just as Dracula became corporeal she shoved her stake back into his chest.

"You think I don't watch your movies? You _always _come back." she explained as he exploded into dust again. Buffy folded her arms and watched as the fog began to collect again. "I'm standing right here!" she shouted in annoyance before the smoke finally disspated completely and she smiled wickidly, Spike's chuckling wafting from downstairs.

"You know, I'm sort of dissapointed." Spike said, shoving his hands into his duster coyly. He watched Buffy's face contort from the corner of his eye.

"And why's that?" Buffy asked frowning as they walked side by side towards Giles'. Did she do something?

"Well I never got my eleven pounds." Spike shrugged before flashing a dazzling grin. He watched her smile spread across her face like a wildfire and it warmed him from the inside out, knowing that he put it there.

"I think you'll live." she replied rolling her eyes with a smile as they walked into Giles' living room. Only Spike.

"So, how did everything go?" Willow asked cheerfully as Xander stalked in and planted himself on the couch next to her and Tara.

"The 'unholy prince' is taken care of." Riley said glancing over at Xander as he tried to hide his smirk. He couldn't help but poke fun at him.

"What's with him?" Willow frowned gesturing towards her best friend. Xander seemed, unusually grouchy.

"Um Xander here was…" Buffy trailed off, thinking of the best way to explain it.

"The whelp was under Drac's thrall. Called him master and everything." Spike said shrugging before walking over to Giles' desk and pulling out a bottle of scotch. Where was the good stuff...Ah.

"But he's not anymore." Buffy assured them while Xander sighed in frustration.

"Okay so I was Dracula's butt monkey, but no more. Not ever again." Spike snorted as he scoured the room for a glass and Riley nodded while everyone else remained silent. Spike highly doubted this would be the last time. It's like in Harris's job description. Carpenter. Side-kick. Whelp.

"We should do something to celebrate." Tara suggested eagerly.

"We could go bronzing?" Willow offered cheerfully. That would be nice. They could go have a good time without worrying about Dracula.

"We haven't been bronzing in a while. I think were due for a little fun." Xander agreed eagerly. Anything to get his mind off the master...bator. Ugh. "I could call Anya."

"Alright well I guess were bronzing it up then." Buffy smiled turning towards Spike who had ditched the glass and was taking sips from the bottle. If they were going to the bronze she definitely needed to put something else on.. "I'm gonna stop home and get changed and I'll meet you guys there?"

"Sounds like a plan." Riley replied happily. This was his chance. To move in on buffy. It seemed like they'd hit it off in the beginning and now she just seemed distant, but that was going to change.

"Giles? You up for some celebratory goodness?" Xander asked, with a smile.

"Um not quite. I think I'm going to stay in. I've had my fill of exctiment for the night. Do have fun." he told them before ascending the stairs towards his soft bed. Buffy nodded towards Spike as he attempted to snag Giles' bottle of scotch. Bloody hell. Its just alcohol. Spike shrugged and she narrowed her eyes before put the bottle back with a sigh. Bollocks.

"So? You're coming right?" Buffy asked as her and Spike left together. Spike met her eyes with a suprised glance. She... wanted him to come?

"I don't know if thats the best idea, goldilocks." he replied, shoving his hands into his duster. Ugh. Goldilocks? Really?

"For the thousanth time, don't call me that. And Why not? You helped, you should celebrate too." she insisted firmly. Plus, she kindofsortof wanted him there.

"I don't think your mates wanna be anywhere near me if they can help it."

"Come one." Buffy pleaded, using the the full force of her pout. "Please?" It couldn't be too bad, right? He'd be with Buffy, which was more then enough to bare some awkward conversationless glares. Glinda and Red weren't even nasty towards him so maybe it'd be okay.

"Alrigh', but I'm not staying long." he sighed in defeat. If she only knew how much power she had over him. He'd probably never hear the end of it.

"Not at all." Buffy confirmed sneaking a peek at him, a small smirk on her lips. "See you there?" she asked as she neared her porch.

"Unfortunately." he replied before starting towards his crypt. This girl was going to be the death of him.


	30. Meaningless

I want to thank everyone for reviewing. I really appreciate it so please continue to do so because it means the world to me. And those of you who haven't just drop a quick one telling me what you like and anything else, because I worked extremely hard on this chapter. Anyway the next chapters are going to be way more Au. I think you're going to like it. Thank you for reading and enjoy. Song credits goes to the Veronica's 4ever and Enrique Iglesias's Hero.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Thirty: Meaningless

The music pulsated through the Bronze as the people on the dance floor moved their bodies to the beat. Buffy watched as her friends danced with one another. Xander and Anya. Willow and Tara. Each looking like they were made for each other, like they were puzzle pieces that were meant to fit perfectly together. Riley was standing on the outskirts of the dance floor smiling and bobbing his head to the music, looking completely out of place. Buffy couldn't help but laugh.

This was so not his scene. It wasn't like she could talk either. She was just as out of place as he was. Which was totally unlike her. Usually she'd be out on the dance floor having a good time, but instead she was at their table, all alone, a completely non-alcoholic drink in hand (Because Buffy and beer are two very unmixy things) and sulking. God she was starting to get like Angel.

"Hey Buffy." Riley said in a huff as he sat down and set his beer down on the table.

"Hey Riley. Having a good time?" she asked chuckling at his out of breath demeanor. Riley was cute but on the dance floor he was such a doof.

"You know what I am but you're not." he said frowning. Buffy pretty much looked borderline miserable. "Come on, get on the dance floor and dance with your friends."

"I don't know." she said biting her lip. her eyes scanned the crowd as she looked for a flash of white hair and sighed in disappointment. Nope. No Spike.

"Come on." Riley insisted taking her hand and pulling her out onto the dance floor. When her feet hit the floor she could feel the beat throbbing through her. And she swayed her hips to the rhythm while her friends crowded around her.

Two or three more dance songs blared from the stage as the lead singer of the band belted out the lyrics to the song she was singing. Eventually the singer settled on a slow melodic beat that could be a dance song if the tempo were increased.

Willow and Tara fell into each others arms as did Xander and Anya, leaving an awkward Buffy standing alone. The solo people quickly walked off the floor. She sighed, wishing she had someone to wrap their arms around her as they danced. She couldn't help but be a little jealous, of the two couples who were smiling wistfully at each other, completely unaware of the rest of the world. That was what being someone else was about. Your whole world falling away, like no one exists beside you and that person. She turned on her heel and headed for their table in a rush of frustration having to do with her lack of life while Riley lagged behind attempting to catch up with her so he could ask her to dance. She was almost near the table when a familiar face stepped in her path.

"Care to dance, pet?" he asked softly. Buffy noticed that he was wearing something other then his usual all black ensemble. A pair of khaki colored pants, paired with a black t-shirt, brown leather bomber and a light blue button down, which she had to admit really brought out his eyes. He looked painfully beautiful. Even sporting his signature boots. He still looked amazing.

"I…" she paused, her words getting stuck in her throat for more reasons then one. She probably shouldn't, dance with him that is. There were more then a million reasons why. The gang wouldn't like it. Well more like Xander wouldn't, or Giles. Definitely not Giles, but… so what? She wanted to. So why the hell not? It was just a dance. It wasn't like they were getting married or anything. And her mind flitted to past memories.

_Spike was down on one knee, his heavy eyeliner lidded eyes gazing up at her in adoration and love. His black painted fingers prying open to reveal a big skull shaped chunk of metal ring encased in a small black velvet box. _"_Buffy Anne Summers. You are more then any man could ever ask for. Marry me."_

"_It's just so sudden. I don't know what to say." she gushed happily. It was what she'd always wanted. _

"_Just say yes, and make me the happiest man on earth." he practically begged, grinning up at her hopeful._

She shook off the memory and smiled. "You know what. Sure. I'd love to dance." she replied eagerly, taking his hand in hers and curling her fingers around his before walking past a gaping Riley as she led Spike to the floor.

Spike smirked at Riley and all the scoobies watched in shock as the two of them found their place on the dance floor. The lead singer in the band on stage started up a cover of the Veronics's 4ever.

_Here we are, so whatcha gonna do?_  
_Do I gotta spell it out for you?_  
_I can see that you got other plans for tonight_  
_But I don't really care_

_Size me up you know I beat the best_  
_Tick tock no time to rest_  
_Let them say what they're gonna say_  
_But tonight, I just don't really care_

Buffy's raised her arms over her head as she swung her hips to the music. Spike stared down at her as they moved with one another. Like comletely in sync with each other. She didn't care that her friends were watching and she didn't care that what she was doing should be wrong. She savored it.

_I've seen it all I've got nothing to prove_  
_Come on baby just make your move_  
_Follow me let's leave it all behind tonight_  
_Like we just don't care_

Buffy looked at Spike a wicked grin stretching across her taut lips, daring him to make a move. It was becoming more like a competition then a dance as they both struggled to beat the other with each other's moves. Spike let out a playful growl, spinning her around and laying his two hands on her waist while grinding into her.

_Let me take you on the ride of your life_  
_That's what I said all right_  
_They can say what they wanna say_  
_Cause tonight, I just don't even care_

Buffy turned back around and grabbed the lapels of his coat, dragging his face barely an inch away from hers and letting her hot breath hit his face while she moved with him.

_Let's pretend you're mine_  
_We could just pretend, we could just pretend, yeah yeah_  
_You got what I like,__ I got what you like_  
_Oh come on_  
_Just one taste and you'll want more_  
_So tell me what you're waiting for_

Spike breathed her in and smiled before sliding his hand down her back, splaying his fingers across her waistline and pulling her into him. She gasped as she felt him against her. She quickly compsed herself tracing her hands up the hard wall of Spike's chest.

_Come on baby we ain't gonna live forever_  
_Let me show you all the things that we could do_  
_You know you wanna be together_  
_And I wanna spend the night with you_  
_Yeah, yeah, with you __Yeah, yeah_  
_So come with me tonight_  
_We could make the night last forever_

The song ended and Buffy and Spike grinned at each other, panting slightly but refusing to let each other go. The female singer stepped back and switched with a male singer. A few seconds later a slow song hit the air waves and Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy's waist. Buffy curled her fingers around the nape of Spike's neck, scraping her nails softly over the small curls that resided there causing him to almost groan in pleasure.

_Would you dance if I asked you to dance?  
Would you run and never look back?  
Would you cry if you saw me crying?  
Would you save my soul tonight?_

Buffy looked up into Spike's eyes and she shivered at the intensity he was giving off. Were his eyes always _that_ blue? She hadn't noticed. She felt like she was drowning in him.

_Would you tremble if I touched your lips? _  
_Would you laugh oh please tell me these?_  
_Now would you die for the one you love? _  
_Hold me in your arms tonight_

Spike stared into her eyes and he felt like the world was slipping around him. There could have been a bloody monsoon and nothing could have distracted him from the girl in front of him. His hands were mesmerizing the curve of her hips as held her in his arms. He wasn't groping her or anything like that. He was the perfect gentlemen. Something she'd never seen before. Strangers she'd danced with had less manners then he did.

_Would you swear that you'll always be mine?  
Would you lie would you run away  
Am I in to deep?  
Have I lost my mind?  
I don't care you're here tonight_

Buffy clutched Spike tighter as her reality shrank away. She was enjoying the feel of his strong arms around her as they moved smoothly to the flow of the music. Spike couldn't help but admit how great it felt. She seemed to fit perfectly in his arms. Like they were built to match the other.

_I can be you hero baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away_

Spike allowed his eyes to meet hers again. Wide and emerald, they gazed up at him. Right now he could see right through her. Everything she tried to keep hidden away behind those beautiful eyes was emerging. Buffy's head moved to his shoulder and Spike sucked in a deep breath as her scent washed over him and the heat from her body rolled over him in waves.

_I just want to hold you, I just want to hold you  
Am I in too deep?  
Have I lost my mind?  
Well I don't care you're here tonight_

Buffy latched onto Spike like a life preserver reluctant to let him go as the song came closer to it's end. His chest pressed against hers and his arms pulling her closer. Every inch of her body against his. Why did this feel right? Like she was meant to be there. With him.

_You can take my breath my breath away  
I can be your hero_

The notes drifted to a close and they both released each other from the other's grip hesitantly staring at each other intently. Still only a few inches apart, Spike could feel the hotness of her breath against his mouth. Buffy was shocked at the feelings resonating from inside her. She absently wondered if Willow had cast another spell as she got lost in his sapphire gaze, but for some reason she didn't think Willow did. Her hand lifted to stroke his cheek bone as another song started, causing everyone around them to turn into a thrashing mass as they gyrated to the beat. Her fingers came into contact with his skin and she lightly traced her finges down the deep valley's on his face.

It took every fiber in Spike's being to keep from kissing her right there. His hand raised on its own accord, cupping behind her neck and drawing her closer.

Suddenly Riley was there. And Willow. And Tara. And now that Buffy was mentioning it, the whole gang. She quickly dropped her hand and flushed. While Spike shoved his hands into his pockets.

"I'm um gonna go to the bathroom." she told them over the blasting music avoiding Spike's gaze. They all nodded awkwardly and Buffy set off towards the bathroom while Spike flitted to the exit.

_What the hell was that? _Buffy asked herself as she reached the bathroom stall. She sat down and kneaded her temples. Okay so she was dancing with Spike. Completely fine until…she was so caught up in him she didn't even know which way was up…nor did she care. Which was bad, very bad. Spike was supposed to be repulsing her not… No. She wasn't even going down that road. It was just a dance that was it. She quickly went to the sink and washed her hands before taking a deep breath and walking back over to her friends.

"So what was that?" Buffy turned surprised to see Riley's face beat red while Xander was just a little flustered.

"What was what?" she asked pretending to be oblivious as she sipped at her drink. Maybe she could get away with it.

"Uh he's probably referring to your dance with the evil dead." Xander said gritting his teeth. Or not.

"The same 'evil dead' that saved your life?" Buffy snapped back in anger. How could he be so blind? Riley let out a growl. There he was again. Everywhere he turned Spike was there. Hanging on every word Buffy said. Touching her. His name came out of her mouth more then his own did. Riley ground his teeth together and muttered something about a drink before storming off, leaving Buffy and Xander to their confrontation. He needed to calm down.

"Excuse me if I hold a grudge after hm, I don't know, he's been trying to kill us for the past couple of years!" Xander shouted pointedly at Buffy. What was wrong with her? Dancing with Spike, like, like he was some sort of man. "Let's not forget the fact that he's evil and a vampire!"

"Xander what is you're problem with Spike? All he's done is help the last few weeks and frankly I don't appreciate your prejudice." Anya said nodding disapprovingly, while Xander stuttered in shock. Buffy had to bit her tongue to keep her self from saying 'Go Anya!'

"He's a vampire. A soulless demon." Xander said, finally coming up with an answer.

"Well I used to be a demon does that mean you don't like me either?" Anya screeched and Xander just attempted to make it right. Buffy exchanged glances with Willow, who had her eyes opened wide with fear. She hated when any of them fought. She didn't care who Buffy wanted as long as her best friend was happy at the end of the day. And if that meant being with Spike, so be it. Xander watched Anya storm away to the bathroom and he slumped in his seat, his brows furrowing in thought.

"So? This might be the greatest song ever written." Willow said cheerfully attempting to lift the sour atmosphere. She grimaced at the failure to raise the mood and tara laid her hand on Willow's to comfort her. The silence continued.

"Look, Buffy. I'm sorry. I... blew things out of proportion. Its just I can't stand Spike and his cocky peroxide bleached head. i know It was just a dance and I'm sorry for making something out of nothing. You forgive me?"

"Of course I do Xand. Just for future refrence next time you should try thinking before speaking." she replied teasingly as they gave each other a quick hug.

"It was just a dance." he said out loud, soothing himself as everyone watched Anya reached the table.

"Yep. It was just a dance." Buffy replied with a sigh. She thought she heard Anya mutter something about denial but she couldn't be sure. Xander immediately turned to Anya, the word apology written across his forehead.

"Ahn I'm-"

"I knew holding out on sex would bring you to your senses." Anya said shooting a smile towards Buffy before settling onto Xander's lap. "all's forgiven honey."

Everyone else let out a laugh before Buffy realized Riley was back from the bar, storming towards her his mouth set in an angry line. Oh great. This was exactly what she needed.

"Buffy. Can I speak to you?" Buffy sighed before following Riley towards the pool table.

"What is it Riley?" she asked attempting to keep her voice casual. Maybe he wouldn't bring the dance up.

"What were you... I thought you liked me."

"I did, I mean I do." she amended quickly. But was it the truth did she still like Riley? Did she ever? She wasn't sure. "It was...it was just a dance." She felt like she'd said it a hundred times already and each time it sounded farther away from the truth then the last time she said it.

"It looked like a lot more then that." Riley said angrily. How could she dance...with him? With a ..vampire? Buffy was getting annoyed. She was not going to sit around all night and argue. She didn't have the patience for it.

"Whatever Riley." she ground out before walking towards the table and picking up her stuff. "I'm leaving. I'll see you guys later." she told her friends before storming out of the Bronze. God, what was with Riley?

Spike stormed into the cool cover of the night. Attempting to clear his head of her intoxicating presence…to no avail. He could still recall the curve of her body against his. Every detail about her, the way her soft delicate fingers curled around his neck and brushed the hair there.

The smell of her arousal. The smell of his own. He was still shell shocked at the reaction from her he'd gotten. She was attracted to him. Or was for a second. The way they were dancing…the scoobies almost pissed their pants. And Cap'n Cardboard almost blew a gasket. So much for subtle. God what was happening to him? This was insane. How was it possible he could love her like he did? Love her to no end?

xxxxxxxx

"There's a lot of books on this list. Any of them come on tape? You know, read by George Clooney or someone cute like that?" Buffy asked hopefully. Her and Giles had started up training again after they had a discussion about it after the whole Dracula fiasco. The truth was she had more to learn and she wanted Giles to teach her. But going back into full gear slayer- watcher mode was easier said then done.

"You're entering a new realm here, Buffy. One for which I myself am not entirely prepared. Are you ready for this commitment?"

"I'm just kidding! Hey, this Betty's ready. Color me committed." Buffy told him in surrender.

"Blast!" Giles shouted, banging his fist against the steering wheel of his car as they drove.

"You put it in neutral again, huh?" Buffy asked slyly. Giles was so not new age-y.

"I'm just not used to this automatic transmission. I loathe this sitting here, not contributing. No, I-it's not working out." he said, directing his words toward the car.

"Giles, are you breaking up with your car?" Buffy asked teasing.

"Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty!" he replied defensively.

"Little two-door tramp." Buffy said smartly.

"I don't know, I just - I was so at loose ends, I found myself searching for ... some way of feeling more…" Giles sighed attempting to find the words. "Shallow?" Buffy questioned as she chuckled at her watcher's antics.

"Perhaps, as I am to act as your Watcher again, a modicum of respect might be in order." Giles insisted seriously.

"Do I have to?" she moaned in complaint.

"I'm serious, Buffy, there's going to be far less time for the sort of flighty, frivolous-"

"Hey, there's Willow and Tara!" Buffy exclaimed, pointing towards the two wicca's walking into a coffee shop.

"Ooh, they haven't seen my new car." Giles told her eagerly, pulling over right infront of them as they are coming out of the coffee shop. Buffy rolled her eyes and waited until Willow and Tara walked over.

"Hey Giles, sharp wheels!" Willow complimented.

"The rest of the car's nice too." Tara added with a laugh.

"Handles like a dream." Giles boasted as he and Buffy got out of the car.

"Where are you guys heading?" she asked, hoping to fit in a talk with her best friend somewhere along the lines of today.

"Magic shop. I have some charms on back order."

"Well so are we." Giles smiled as he and Willow hung back to walk with each other while Buffy and Willow paired up.

"So um how are you doing?" Willow asked awkwardly trying to find a smooth and suave way to bring up the gangs fight last night.

"This is about the fight isn't it?" Buffy accused meeting eyes with an incoherent babbling Willow. "It's alright Will. We can talk about it."

"Okay. So? Have you talked to Riley?"

"No." Buffy sighed.

"Well why don't you? If Xander's gotten over the whole thing by now I'm sure Riley has too. And if not well, he'll get over it."

"He shouldn't even be mad in the first place. It was just a dance." A very skin heating, pulse quickening, heart pounding dance. But a dance.

"Right." Willow agreed completely unconvinced. The way her and Spike were looking at each other, she hadn't seen Buffy like that since, well since Angel. The only thing that sucked was the fact Spike would bring just as much trouble as Angel did, probably more.

"So Giles and I worked out a whole schedule around school. A block of time every day just to focus on my new slayer training." Buffy boasted as her and Willow continued to walk.

"That's a work ethic! Buffy, you're developing a work ethic." Willow replied enthusiastically."Oh, no. Do they make an ointment for that?" Buffy asked grimacing before flashing a smile.

"People gotta respect a solid work ethic. Look at you, motivated Buffy. Eager to soak up learning. Oh, you and I are gonna have so much fun this semester." Willow said smiling. She loved school.

"Yeah, that reminds me. With the whole new training schedule, I kinda had to drop a class." Buffy tried to say nonchalantly.

"That's understandable. Your slayer studies are way more important." her best friend nodded in understanding.

"So I won't be taking drama with you." Buffy added quickly, attempting to speed walk away. "What? You have to, you promised!" Willow pouted at her.

"Well, I know, but Giles said that it just was- "

"The hell with Giles." Willow cut in while Giles turned to her in surprise. "I can hear you, Willow." he said curtly.

"Drama is just Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. You can blow off training Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, can't you?" Willow groaned in desperation.

"What happened to 'people gotta respect a work ethic'?" Buffy asked. "Other people, not me! There's a whole best friend loophole." Willow complained.

"Shop's kinda dark. Maybe it's closed." Tara said as she peered into the front window."That's odd." Giles stated before he opened the door and walked in, the others following him in.

"Well, I think 'odd' just got upped to 'bad.'" Buffy told them as they all surveyed the overturned chairs and racks knocked to the floor. "Hello? Anyone here?" Giles asked the empty air. "Mr. Bogarty?" Everyone looked at Tara. "The owner. I-I come in here a lot." she shrugged before turning back to the inside of the shop.

"Well, maybe this happened ... really late at night when nobody was... " Willow said as she walked before tripping and falling.

"Will?" Buffy called out as her, Giles and Tara moved further into the shop. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, I - I just tripped over…" Willow trailed off. Tara's hand found her lips and she let out a small gasp. "Mr. Bogarty."


	31. Real Me

So this version of Real me is alot more AU then usual. You'll see what I mean. Excuse any mistakes if you see them. I just wanted to get it up as soon as possible. Remember your reviews are greatly appreciated. I love hearing anything you have to say about the story. Things you liked, advice. Whatever. I really don't care, I just like getting and reading those wonderful reviews you guys send me. So anyway thanks for reading and enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the dialogue used from Buffy. As much as I would like to have Spike all to myself him along with the other characters belong to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

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Denial, Despair, and Desire  
**

Chapter Thirty-One: Real Me

"Judging by the bite-fest, I'd say it was more than one vampire." Buffy noted as she leaned down to examine the multiple puncture wounds on Mr. Bogarty's neck. Yep, this guy definitely had one rough night.

"I make it four at least." Giles added, leaning down to close the shop owner's eyes before stepping away and observing the damage to the shop. What were vampires even doing at a magic shop? The last time he'd heard of that, the only time he'd heard of that was...when Spike had come to town a year ago. Kidnapping Willow and Xander to force Willow to make him a love potion. But Spike was, well he wasn't like most vampires in nature.

"Looks like someone's put together a new fang club." Buffy said walking over to Willow at the counter. Great, another thing she had to worry about.

"Well, I've cross-checked the inventory list, and things are definitely missing. Mostly books." Willow told them, as she set down the book in her hand. "Including _A Treatise on the Mythology and Methodology of the Vampire Slayer_."

Buffy quickly pulled out her list that Giles put together as he picked up the inventory book. "Oh, shoot! Was that the only copy?" Buffy complained, running her finger over the name typed in ink. _Darn, I needed that!_

"Come on, Buffy, this could be very serious. Whoever's leading this pack of vampires appears to be interested in learning more about you. Perhaps searching for weaknesses or ... good lord." Giles said, his eyes shooting open. "What?" Buffy asked openly.

"Well, I had no idea the profit margins on a shop like this were so high." Giles exclaimed excitedly. Buffy looked towards Willow and rolled her eyes, only Giles would get excited over something like that. "Look at this! Low overhead, out-of-state orders, international - it's no wonder there's never any trouble attracting new owners. A place like this is a virtual-"

"Deathtrap?" Buffy said sarcastically.

"What?" He replied distractedly as his eyes raked over the room. "Well, uh, yes, there is that. But, uh, still... Location, pedestrian traffic.." he admitted, excitedly_. Its perfect._

"So what's the next step?" Buffy asked eagerly. Giles was playing watcher again, so maybe he had a game plan.

"Buffy, you should begin looking for their lair straight away." Giles told her absently as he padded across the length of the store, his interest peaked.

"I'll get Spike to tag along for back up." she nodded in confirmation.

"Impressive square footage... I bet the death rate keeps the rent down." Giles assumed, ignoring Willow and Buffy as he walked past a smashed glass cabinet and stopped short. "Oh, hello. Something's been taken from this case, look here." he said, pointing towards the case and bending down to see inside. Empty.

"What'd they take?" Buffy pondered as she leaned over the counter, trying to get a better look. Willow flipped some pages and frowned. That couldn't be right...

"I should think an item of, of value, or-or power, possibly even a-" Giles went on, before Willow cut him off.

"A unicorn. 10-inch ceramic unicorn imported from Thailand." she interrupted, puzzled at the discovery. "Was it valuable?" Buffy asked, cocking her head to the side in interest. Giles turned towards the empty case in interest.

"List price, $12.95." Willow said, her brows furrowing.

"Which begs the question, what kind of an unholy creature fancies cheap tasteless statuary?"

xxxxxxxx

"You're staying home?" Buffy asked her mother as she neared the front door. Her and the gang hadn't figured out what had attacked the magic shop yet but Buffy was going on patrol to see if she could get any information from the lo cal vamps.

Giles promised he'd research as much as possible with Willow and Tara, to try and figure out what new big bad seems so interested in the slayer. She still wasn't on speaking terms with Riley. She was still mad at him. It was okay for Spike to be around when he was saving their lives but not when he was just there?

Plus, It really wasn't any of his business what she did with Spike, not that she did do anything. It was just a dance. The best dance of her life, but nonetheless a dance. She still marveled at what an amazing dancer he was. I guess a hundred and twenty odd years of time to practice, its bound to stick with you, but still. The way he moved made her want to just lay in his arms and let him lead her.

Thinking about it reminded her about how she hadn't seen Spike all day. Ever since they're dance at the bronze he was being all avoid-y. Not that she was miss available either but still.

"Yeah, the opening at the gallery was canceled so I'm going to stay and watch passions." Joyce explained settling down on the couch, a mug of hot chocolate in her hands.

"You're sure you're going to be okay?" Buffy asked, her brows furrowing in doubt. Maybe she shouldn't be leaving her alone when there was a vampire gang on the loose, but she would be more productive if she was out looking for them. Its not like they would be able to come in or anything. Mom knew better then to invite anyone in by now, but there was Dracula...

"Go on patrol. I'll be fine." Joyce insisted.

"Call Xander or Giles if you need anything and I'm not back in time." Buffy told her as she kissed her mother's cheek and closed the front door behind her. Time to hit up all the local cemeteries and demon hot spots for information. It was going to be a long night.

xxxxxxxx

Spike scoured rest field hesitantly yet eagerly at the same time. The moon hung low in the sky its pale silver glow making his skin and hair almost white against the darkness. He huffed in frustration as he made his way through the graveyard, his boots slamming down against the soft blades of grass.

There hadn't been much action all night, he'd dusted one fledging in total and hadn't had a single sight of Buffy all night. He was still reeling from their dance and he didn't know what to make of it. In fact he wasn't sure how to approach her or even if she wanted him to, but he had to try right? He was trying.

He sighed before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it as he slowed his pace to a casual stroll. No need to rush, worst came to worst he'd stop by her house later. Not even a few minutes later his vampric hearing picked up the sound of a cocky fledge accompanied by a few more vamps. Finally a good brawl. He chucked his cigarette on the ground and made his way over to the group. "Not me. This night is young, and I want some action."

Spike extended his arm and tapped the vampire on his shoulder, waiting until he turned to punch him in the face.

"Happy to oblige." Spike said generously, sizing up the three minions. "Here I thought it was gonna be a slow night. Step on up, kiddies. Thrashings for all."

"Stop!" A painfully familiar voice spoke up. Oh no. From behind the vampires a short, blonde vampire stepped up.

"Well. Hello, Harm." Spike said casually, leaning back on the balls of his feet. "Spikey…. I mean, Spike." Harmony corrected, nodding seriously. Spike couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Long time. You look good." If you can consider a ho-bag dumb as rocks vampire as looking good. Oh god, he was picking up Buffy slang. He kind of liked that.

"I feel good." she said happily. "I remember." he replied, with a solemn nod. What a horrible choice her sire made in turning her. How desperate was the pillock?

"How've you been?" she asked pleasantly.

"Not bad. Just got a brand-new telly in my crypt, so…" he shrugged as the big vampire behind her stepped forward.

"Why are you talking to him?" the vampire asked Harmony as the others hung back.

"It's okay, we used to go steady." Harmony sighed, turning to the vampire and back to Spike. "Spike, Mort. Mort, this is-"

"I know who he is. He kills our kind." Mort growled. "Oh yeah! What's up with that?" Harmony questioned dumbly.

"Bloke's gotta have a hobby, don't he? Piss off, Mort." Spike snarled, before Mort growled back. Harmony motioned him to step back and he sighed in frustration.

"Mort, just give us ... a couple minutes, 'kay? He's really testy. Some of us were thinking of voting him out of the gang." Harmony shrugged, easing back into conversation.

"Gang?" Spike asked incredulously.

"Oh, yeah. I've got my own gang now." she said proudly.

"Is that what those circus freaks are?" he asked leaning over to get a look at the three vamps waiting for her.

"Uh huh." she replied enthusiastically. "I mean ... shut up! We're gonna kill the slayer."

"Singing my song now, are you? You should pay me royalties for that one, or at least get your own tune." he suggested.

"I'm not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I've been doing my homework, reading books and stuff." she said confidently.

"What, _Evil for Dummies_? Look at you, all puffed up and mighty, thinking you're the new Big Bad. It's, uh ... well, let's face it, it's adorable." he said with a chuckle. Harmony attempting to be bad, just made him oddly cheery.

"You just can't stand the fact that I'm my own person now. There comes a time in every woman's life when she realizes she needs to take the next step. I've taken it. I've found the real me... and I like her. Anyway we actually already made a move."Harmony explained as he neared her to a point his face is barely and inch from hers. _She thinks she's her own woman but she still hangs on my every move_, Spike laughed internally.

"And what did you do? Snatch one of her friends and use them as bait, lead her into a trap. That sort of thing?" he asked sardonically.

"Well no. We stopped by her house, she wasn't home just some lady named Joyce, but we'll get her. I've got a plan. Buffy'll be dead by sunrise." She isn't going anywhere near Buffy, actually seeing Buffy dust Harmony might actually be amusing. Wait. Joyce?

"Did you say Joyce?" Spike asked suddenly.

"Yeah, the slayers mom? She acted pretty unaffected, but we could so tell she was scared. I did that thing where you listen to how fast their heart is going and stuff. She didn't do us much good. She didn't let us in." Harmony pouted.

"Alrigh' I had about enough." Spike slipped his fingers into his duster quickly pulling out his stake dusting the big guy Mort first then the tiny one. Leaving a horror stricken Harmony and one vamp left, who swiftly left Harmony and dashed for cover.

"Peaches! Come back. Damn it." Harmony shrieked turning towards Spike. "Spike! What the hell was that? Those were _my _minions."

"On account of the fact we know each other I'm going to give you a chance. Back off the slayer or I'll stake you right and proper." Spike said waving his stake around.

You know what forget it. She was just as annoying as she was before he hung her dry. He plunged the stake through her heart and she punched and kicked him in response. "Not again." she whimpered before exploding into dust.

"Serves you right, you daft bint." Spike replied with a shake of his head as he tucked his stake back into his coat and headed for Buffy's place to check on her mum.

xxxxxxxx

Okay so patrol was a bust. No vamps. No info. And worst of all no Spike. This night couldn't get any worse. She hurried up the steps through her front door, slipping off her boots and gazing into the living room. A smile was stretched across her face until she noticed the broken front window, a rock lying on the table and shards of glass scattered across the carpet.

"Mom?" Buffy called out in a panic, running towards the kitchen. "Mom?"

She turned the corner and found Spike, sitting on the counter a mug of hot chocolate in his hand while her mother sat at the table. They both had smiles on their lips as they discussed some art from mom's exhibit. Buffy sighed in relief. "Hey honey." Joyce said happily as her daughter came towards her.

"Hey mom. Um what happened in the living room?" Buffy asked a single eye brow raised.

"A girl stopped by, said she needed to see you. Told her you weren't home. She wasn't very happy about it. She left this." Joyce laid out the note reading 'Slayer, come out and die'. The 'I' dotted with a…smiley face?

"It was Harmony." Spike added and Buffy turned towards him, biting her lip. "She had her own group of minions all intent on taking you out." Buffy stopped biting her lip and slipped over the edge. She burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"Harmony ...Harmony has minions?" she asked between chuckles.

"Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction." Spike nodded with a smile.

"Buffy, there's actually a more serious side to all this" Joyce cut in warily.

"I sure hope so, 'cause I'm having trouble breathing." she said taking a deep breath. Spike smiled at the sound of her laughter. The way her smile reached the corners of her eyes and how she shook with the giggles coming from her lips. How carefree and upbeat she sounded. "What is it?"

"Well, honey she did come here to kill you." Buffy started to laugh again, even Spike joined in."I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Buffy said, clearing her throat. "It's just ... Harmony has minions!" she shouted gleefully, erupting into laughter once again.

"_Had_ minions." Spike added smugly. "Harmony's definitely not going to be a problem, even if she had half a mind to cause one in the first place."

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked sobering up while Joyce turned her attention to Spike as well.

"Well I staked her and her little group of freaks before I came here to check on your mum." Spike shrugged, taking a sip at his hot chocolate.

Buffy stared at him for a second. What was he playing at? Why is it that every time she thinks she has him figured out he does something completely unpredictable. Joyce spoke up interrupting her blatant staring and the wheels that were turning in her head as she tried to figure Spike out.

"Well I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning and thank you for stopping by Spike." Joyce smiled and excused herself before heading up the stairs. She could tell by the way they were looking at each other that there was more to them then just an alliance. And Joyce had to admit she liked Spike much more then Angel.

Buffy waited until her mother was upstairs before turning to Spike. "Thank you for coming to check on her." she said appreciatively. Spike just shrugged and an awkwardness settled over the silence between them.

"It was no problem really."

"I guess I'll call Xander and he'll be able to fix it." Thinking about Xander led to their recent disagreement and Riley's cold shoulder act. She groaned.

"What is it?" Spike asked.

"Well Riley and I...aren't exactly...speaking." Buffy sighed sitting down on a bar stool across from where Spike sat. She placed her head in her hands and Spike tilted his head in curiosity. What was bothering her?

"Why?" Spike wondered aloud. Buffy looked up and met his eyes. Ah. The dance. "Oh." he mumbled. Of course it was that.

"It wasn't your fault, if it was anyone's it was mine. I'm the one who asked you to dance, but it wasn't like I was wrong anyway...it was just..." she took a deep breath. "...it was just a dance." She told him unconvincingly. She'd felt like she'd said it a million times already. Spike met her eyes and they both saw the same thing. It wasn't just a dance. It was more then that. And they both knew it.


	32. AUTHORS NOTE: IMPORTANT

A/N: Okay I know what you're thinking.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I truly am sorry for not updating this in SOO long. I've been working really hard with school and whatnot so its been hard for me to write, plus, I kind of lost the inspiration for this so that was sort of a problem.

BUT, as of right now, I want to let all of you know that I am beginning to work on this again and plan to have a new chapter up sometime late next week, possible sooner. I promised I wouldn't give up on this and I follow through. So, this is the OFFICIAL return of Denial, Despair, and Desire. :D

Reviews from those of you just discovering this, even PMs that tell me people are still interested or any ideas they think I should use, will fuel my writing and help me post faster. Thank you, see you guys soon with the next chapter!


	33. Toth

A/N: So here it is. The newest chapter of DDD. I know I've been gone for a while but I'm back and I promise I will finish this story if its the last thing I do. But lets hope its not. Haha. Anyway, this is a little rushed but I hope you like it. Reviews are GREAT motivators. So _please _leave one. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the characters. As much as I would like to have Angel or Spike all to myself they belng to Joss. This is just me playing around with his ideas.**

* * *

**Denial, Despair, and Desire**

Chapter Thirty-Two: Toth

Buffy smiled as Xander, Anya, and Willow bantered back and forth. She and Willow had gone with the couple to apartment shop earlier and after seeing one they had called it quits and decided to go see Giles. Overall she was reasonably cheerful. Her and Xander were okay.

He'd came over and fixed up the windows as a free of charge apology, making her mom very happy. She'd made chocolate chip cookies as a motivator and Xander was practically bouncing off the walls. She was just glad to be getting along with Xander again. The only problem was Spike. If she kept harboring these thoughts about Spike she wasn't sure how long this peace treaty would last.

As for Riley well he still was giving her the cold shoulder, but she wasn't about to fold in this little 'who's right contest' nonsense, because even Xander said she had been right.

Giles bought the magic shop. I guess the square footage was the deal breaker. Aside from classes, training, and patrolling, she along with all the others had happily agreed to help him set up shop, knowing how happy it made him.

Buffy couldn't help but notice how excited the acquirement of the magic shop made him. It seemed like a void was missing since they had blown up the mayor and left the remnants of Sunnydale high behind. But now his free time was filled with his new hobby and investment. A given bonus being the fact that he has his very own slayer to protect him if there are any nasties that show up trying to kill him.

"Hey Giles." Buffy greeted as her and the others filed in through the magic shop's door.

"Buffy, your here. We have a bit of a problem." he replied, his voice saturated with embarrassment.

"What happen Giles?" Buffy asked him curiously, her head swiveling around to assess the place for damage.

"Well we had a visitor." Giles said bluntly just as the magic shop's door swung open once more, revealing a flustered Riley in its wake. Giles was in them middle of his explanation when the gang caught sight of him.

"He came in and I hit him. Like this ... and this ... and this…" he told them as he demonstrated by swinging the statue around. "Oh hello."

"That thing's pretty heavy." Riley said, gesturing toward the statue in Giles's hands.

"That's Oofdar. Goddess of childbirth. She's got some nice heft to her." Willow noted, giving Giles a soft encouraging smile.

"How badly did you hurt him?" Buffy asked seriously, her features knitted in concentration.

"Well, hurt, uh ... maybe not ... hurt." Giles stuttered adjusting his glasses and tilting his head as a faint tint colored his cheeks.

"Well, I-I'm sure he was startled." Willow reassured him turning her attention to the book in her hand.

"Uh, yes, yes, I'd imagine it gave him, uh, rather a turn." he agreed, standing up a bit straighter.

"He ran away, huh?" Buffy teased, a small smirk forming.

"Um, sort of more ... uh ... turned and swept out majestically, I suppose. He said I didn't concern him." Giles told her, dejectedly.

"So a mythic triumph over a completely indifferent foe?" she quipped playfully.

"Well, I'm not dead or unconscious, so I say bravo for me." Giles said defensively.

"Some good demons in this one. See if your guy's in here." Willow suggested, tossing a book to Giles who gracefully caught it in mid-air.

"So you bought the magic shop and you were attacked before it opened. Who's up for a swingin' chorus of the 'We told you so' symphony?" Xander sing-songed as he sifted through the shop's nearby shelves.

"Owning this place does seem kinda dangerous." Riley added helpfully.

"Toth." Giles said looking up from his book.

"What?" Riley uttered, befuddled.

"He called you a Toth. It's a British expression. It means, like, moron." Buffy told him with a laugh. Riley scowled at her but Giles shook his head.

"No, Toth is the name of the demon." Giles started before catching sight of Xander messing with a clear crystal orb.

"Be careful with that." he warned and Xander placed it back down and turned to the group to listen.

"Ancient demon. Very strong. Last survivor of the Tothric clan. It also says that for a demon he's unusually sophisticated."

"Sophisticated. So I should discuss men's fashions with him before I chop his head off?" Buffy suggested sarcastically.

"They're referring to the fact that he does not fight bare-handed. He uses tools, devices. Oh, he's also supposed to be very focused. And since he mentioned the slayer, I think we know what the focus is." Giles concluded.

"He mentioned Buffy? Where do we find him, and how hard can we kill him?" Riley rolled his shoulders and put on his macho face.

"Well, there's no mention of the types of places he might frequent, but …" Giles slammed the book shot and shot up from his seat.

"I have an idea. He had a very specific olfactory presence."

"Well, I guess we're off to the ol'factory. I hate that place." Xander complained mockingly, before meeting everyone's annoyed glances. "I'm joking, I know what it means. He smelled. Right?" Xander asked hesitantly, making sure he wasn't wrong.

"Some demon rituals involve anointing with oils. Was it sort of ... Sandalwoody?" Willow wondered, rifling through a drawer with smelly incense and candles.

"Um ... not even remotely. But he was very, um... Distinctive." Giles winces and the gang nods in understanding.

xxxxxxx

Buffy, Willow, Giles, Xander and Riley walk cautiously as they surveyed the area carefully.

"The city dump. Where smells go to relax and be themselves." Buffy quipped, toting her large battle ax over the shoulder.

"People say they're recycling. They're not recycling." Riley said sadly. Xander patted him on the shoulder comfortingly.

"I found a spell so you can't smell anything," Willow's smile faded and she shrugged. "But it does it by taking your nose off, so ... No."

The gang turned around, when they heard noises coming from behind them, to find Spike, Riley scowls and Buffy smiles. She hadn't seen him for a while, not since their unusual and awkward talk in her kitchen few nights ago. And no she's not being avoidy. Okay maybe, but only because she forgot how nice it was to see him.

"What are _you _doing here, Spike?" Riley grinded out through his teeth and Spike scoffed at him.

"Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a charming tea room over the next pile of crap. What do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I?" he replied, holding up a small lamp to prove his point.

"Very pretty." Willow complimented and Spike nodded at her, turning around and throwing into a shopping cart full of junk.

Spike nods and turns to put the arm and the lamp in a shopping cart nearby.

"Spike, um ... we're looking for a demon, um... tall, robed, skin sort of hanging off. Deep voice?" Giles explained, trailing off and waiting for an answer.

"You mean a great tall robe-y thing like that one?" he asked, pointing past them. Everyone whipped around to see Toth standing atop a heap of trash. Toth raised his hand and fire shot toward them.

"Take cover!" Riley shouted and the scoobies scrambled.


End file.
